Jokes!

[Tps222]

Three men are stranded in a desert

Hmm, men, as in over 18. Sounds perfectly legal to me.

How many licks does it take to get to the center of the tootsie roll pop?

A: Your mom

lol I'm so funny.

[Tasuke]

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Butts lol!

when you say it you have to
say "lol" not "el oh el"

[B3NJ1]

A girl is thinking about getting bigger breasts and she goes to her doctor. He says she can either have a special bra that pumps up when she flaps her arms or implants. She went for the bra. The next day, she sees a man at the bar. She starts flapping her arms and then goes over to him. He starts moving his legs back and forth. When she got over to him, he says "I see we go to the same doctor."


EDIT-

A boy was meeting his girlfriend's parents for the first time for dinner. After dinner, his girlfriend and her mother left the room to do the dishes, leaving him with the father and the dog Duke, who was sitting underneath the boy's chair. Unfortunately, it was a large dinner and he really had to fart. He stealthily let out a quiet, but audible, fart.

"Duke!" the dad yelled.

"This is great!" the boy thought. "He thinks the dog is farting!" So he let out another one.

"Duke!" the father barked. The boy thought he was homefree so he let everything out at once in a really loud and smelly fart.

"Duke! Get out of there before the boy sh*ts on you!"

[rockinwithkiss]

omg thats funny cuz one of my friends has actually done that before lol

[ananana]

when you say it you have to
say "lol" not "el oh el"

..Whaaat?

Do you mean we have to say "laughing out loud"? Or do we just laugh?

[Tonberry_Kid]

I think he means loll. Like roll with an "l" instead.

[Quizkid23]

no no no he means you have to say lol like l + ah + l

anyways:

My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year when we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, and my friends encouraged me. My girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me. That one thing was her younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight miniskirts, and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me, and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day little sister calls and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived.

She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she could not overcome and did not really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

I was in total shock and could not say a word.

She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me."

I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top, she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me.

I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door, stepped out of the house and walked straight toward my car.

My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes, he hugged me and said, "We are very happy you have passed our little test. We could not ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family!"

The moral of this story is.....

"Always keep your condoms in your car."

[FishFishRevolution]

That happened to me once.

[Tonberry_Kid]

You got that from ebaums world Quizkid. I've read it before. But still, freakin' hilarious.

[Quizkid23]

Actually, no I didn't... I got it from mistupid.com... same as these two:

1) The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, they fell sound asleep.

Some hours later, Tonto wakes The Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabi, look towards sky, what you see?"

The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute, then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?

Tonto is silent for a moment, then says, "Kemo Sabi,
you dumb ass. It tell me someone stolen tent."

2) A teacher asks her class, "If there are five birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Tony.

He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is four, but I like your thinking."

Then little Tony says, "I have a question for you.

There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:

One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."

To which little Tony replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking."

[JurseyRider734]

Oh oh! I got another joke!





My dick size.

Fixed.

[Quizkid23]

lol sry was that inappropriate?

[Tonberry_Kid]

Lol. I liked the second one. I've done that to a teacher before. XD

[rockinwithkiss]

There are two hillbillies riding in a truck down the highway. The passenger leans over to the driver and says, "I really gotta take a dump." The driver looks at him funny and says, "Can't it wait? We're making good time and we can't stop anywhere or we'll be late to the wedding!" The passenger insists that he really has to go and that it can't wait. Finally the driver says, "We can't stop, so just stick your rear out the window and go."

The passenger then sticks his butt out the window and lets it all go. It splatters on the windshield of the car behind them.

The passenger of that car says, "Holy cow! Did you see the wad of tobacco that guy spit?!"
The driver of the car then says, "Did you see the lips on that feller?!"

[Edge_of_Death]

I'm gonna post a few your momma jokes...
Your momma's so fat, when she went on a scale she thought it showed her phone number
Your momma's so poor, I walked into her front door and I was already in the backyard
Your momma's so stupid, when she saw a stopped her car at a stop sign, she waited for it to say "go"
Your momma's so fat, she went on a scale and it said "to be continued"
Your momma's so poor, she was kicking a can down the street, when she was actually "moving"
Your momma's so poor, I asked her where the bathroom is and she said 3 bushes down to the right
Your momma's so stupid, I told her my birthday's around the corner and she looked
Your momma's so stupid, when she signed an application for a job that asked her "level of education," she wrote down "Hooked On Phonics!"
Do any of you guys have any more of those jokes?