Jokes!

[Tonberry_Kid]

Ok. I would like to have people post some jokes they know. I would greatly appreciate it if people kept the jokes clean, because dirty jokes shouldn't be put in a place where 13 year olds play. Also, lay off the racist jokes, and blonde jokes are allowed, unless blondes get too offended. I'll start off with a couple of my own.

A guy walks into a bar and says, "Ouch!"

10 Blondes and a brunette were all dangling on a rope that was slung over a cliff on Mount Everest. After long dileberation they come to the conclusion, if one person doesn't let go, they all die. After a long time of no one commiting, the brunette goes into this speech about how she will risk her life to save her friends' lives. The blondes applauded.

So I would like the next person to post, to put at least ONE joke. And yet again, please no racist or dirty jokes. Or else I will do a dirty joke to sicken you all!

[banditcom]

Two brothers are opening presents at Christmas. The younger brother has 20 presents and the older one only has one. The younger brother says to the older one, "Haha, I have 20 presents you only have one!" The older brother replies "Haha, you have cancer."

Q: What is the difference between Micheal Jackson and Neil Armstrong?

A: One was the first man to land on the moon and the other fucks little boys in the ass.

[talisman]

walking on the moon versus moonwalking?

or is that too obvious....

edit:yes

[banditcom]

HIGHLIGHT IT TO READ IT

[Tonberry_Kid]

That's wrong bandit. That wasn't even funny. (the Michael Jackson one). The other one was kind of funny, but mean all at the same time.

[jewpinthethird]

That's wrong bandit. That wasn't even funny. (the Michael Jackson one).

I thought it was funny....funny because it's true.

[osufan]

So this lady's walkin her pet duck. This man walks up to her and goes, "that sure is an ugly dog."

So the lady replies, "but, it's a duck"

The man then says, "yeah, I know. I was talking to the duck"

[Tonberry_Kid]

There are some jokes I would really LOVE to write but, there kind of dirty. If a couple people tell me they want me to do one of them I will.

[ddrruler]

Do it, now.

[Tonberry_Kid]

Ok fine be that way.

A guy walks into a pub and sits down. He orders a couple ales and starts drinking a bit. He then notices this glass full of money. On the jar it says, "Win Me!" So the guy asks the bartender, "How do I win that?" The bartender then says to him, "See that horse over there? If you can make him laugh, I'll give that to you." So the guys thinks to himself, "Wow, this won't be that hard." He then walks to the horse, whispers something in its ear, and it starts laughing. The guy collects the jar of money, pays for his drinks and leaves. A month later he goes back to the pub and orders a couple more ales. As he is drinking, he notices another jar. So he says, "Let me guess, I got to make that horse laugh again?" The bartender replies, "No, this time, make him cry without anything physical." So the guy walks over to the horse, and the horse starts crying. As he goes to collect the money filled jar, the bartender asks, "How did you make the horse laugh AND cry?" The guy replies, "Well to make him laugh, I said my penis was bigger than his. To make him cry, I proved it."

And there you have it kiddies.

[Mindfields]

So this lady's walkin her pet duck. This man walks up to her and goes, "that sure is an ugly dog."

So the lady replies, "but, it's a duck"

The man then says, "yeah, I know. I was talking to the duck"

I liked this one. Here I go.
Angelina Jolie will break up another happy marriage when she comes between Star Jones and her waffles.
Not mine, heard it on Conan last night.

[osufan]

wow. That's supposed to be more of a joke joke. It's supposed to make people go "did he really just tell that stupid joke?" then they start laughing.

[JurseyRider734]

So theres these three women that robbed a bank, a redhead, a blonde, and a brunette. They escape and the cops are looking for them, so they all run to a farm and try to hide from the police. The redhead hides behind a herd of cows, the brunette hides behind a herd of sheep, and the blonde hides behind a large stack of potatoes. The police search through the farm and when they pass the herd of cows the redhead goes "moooo", so the police carry along not knowing anyone was there. They reach the herd of sheep and the brunette goes "Baaa. Baaa", and the police keep moving because they didn't think anyone was there. Then the police pass the stack of potatoes and the blonde goes "Poooootttttaaaaatoooooesssssss"

Guess who got caught.

[Starshot]

Why do gorilla's have big nostrills?
Because they have big fingers.

Guy walks into the phyciatrist's office wearing clear boxers, and the phyciatrist says, "Well, I can see you're nuts."

Couple of good ones, will post more later.

[emccky]

that wasn't funny at all.