What does it take for kids to learn?

[virus003]

Okay so, my 4 year old niece is living in my house most of the time, and I've discovered now that she doesn't listen to anything. She doesn't listen to a single thing, and my sister(her mother) has to always be assertive about things, and it doesn't usually work, she whines about everything and she always lies about things. So today, my sister wanted me to be assertive to her daughter while she gets ready for work. She simply told me just to be straight up assertive with her, like yell and stuff. So I did what I was told, and she practically doesn't listen to A THING I say. I told her to sit down on the couch, and I had to say it about 5,000 times, and every time she actually listens, she just gets right back up and we have to go through the same thing. Then she does the "puppy dog" look and starts purposely crying. My sister has been very stressed out because she doesn't listen, she said that her daughter almost got hit by a truck yesterday because of her listening skills.


I also think this is largely influenced by her father. The parents are split up, so she's always stuck in the middle. Her father is a lazy ass 31 year old still living with his mother, and can get away with anything. Their house is so disgusting, they have two dogs that never get taken care of, and I'm sure their house has plenty of rats. The father is unemployed, he's been like that almost his whole life( which is why I mention he can get away with almost anything). My sister now has a restraining order against him, and he doesn't even pay full childcare, especially when it's needed. But my real question here is, what does it take for kids to listen? At least a kid in the situation of this, or do all kids act like this? I'm the youngest in my family so I wouldn't really know of growing up with any young children in my house.

[who_cares973]

Re: What does it take for kids to learn?

the kid is 4 years old. i wouldnt expect a 4 year old to listen all too often. the only advice i can offer is a good beating will always work no matter what

[Artic_counter]

Re: What does it take for kids to learn?

I think rewarding the behavior that is wanted is good way to teach a kid but in a moderate way so that it won't be spoiled. Added to that it's ok to punish a kid for bad behavior but not by beating it constantly. Once in a while if the behavior is bad but I think it should be more like : You acted bad, you don't get to go too the zoo or something like that. Oh and by beating I mean more like spanking.

[Rubin0]

Re: What does it take for kids to learn?

Yelling at a child when the problem is already there does not work. The child is spoiled and in order to "fix" her, there needs to be structure and consistency in her life. Her mother/your sister deciding one day to be assertive with her does not sound like she is consistently "assertive". It's more like when she is fed up with the behavior. Everyone in your household needs to come with up with a plan on how to discipline the child, and I can tell you right now that yelling will not work. It also is not your job to discipline the child. You yourself are a child and ideally the only peeople that should be disciplining a child are the adults around her, preferably her parents.

Tell your sister that she should consider parenting classes if she has no idea how to handle her child. Ideally, positive reinforcement is very effective when dealing with children, and punishment should ONLY be used as a last resort. And by punishment I do NOT mean yelling. I mean taking her OUT of the situation that she is throwing a tantrum in and putting her somewhere she can cool off and away from all stimulus. In other words, time out. For a five year old, a five minute time out in a chair or on a stair case is appropriate. Nobody should speak to the child during this time, and if she tries to leave the time out area, you put her back where she was sitting over and over until she complies whether she is throwing a tantrum or not. This does not involve yelling or even speaking to the child. You simply pick the child up and put her back onto the seat without making eye contact. Just some methods I have learned in behavior modification classes.

As far as positive reinforcement, you reward good behavior. When she is behaving nicely you tell her what a good girl she is. Consider giving her a cookie. It sounds like you are training an animal, but realistically, what are children? They need to be trained.

[who_cares973]

Re: What does it take for kids to learn?

beating is also another way

[Rubin0]

Re: What does it take for kids to learn?

beating is also another way

noooooooooo.

[DotKritic]

Re: What does it take for kids to learn?

ADD?

Seriously.

[who_cares973]

Re: What does it take for kids to learn?

noooooooooo.

nothing wrong with it as long as bruises arent left

ADD?

Seriously.

nope

[Rubin0]

Re: What does it take for kids to learn?

I wouldn't even say it's completely her father's fault. The fact the child was in the middle could have contributed heavily to this. Two separate households means two completely different set of rules or lack thereof. And if neither home provided a structured environment, then this is probably why this happened and why she is completely out of control. Diagnosing her with ADD is completely incorrect and honestly it's not her fault.

[DotKritic]

Re: What does it take for kids to learn?

Maybe your sister taking her daughter to a doctor to find out what the problem is.

[who_cares973]

Re: What does it take for kids to learn?

from what ive seen being in the middle is the cause of her lack of listening/respect.

oh i see what madmatt is doing

[DotKritic]

Re: What does it take for kids to learn?

What am I doing, juicebox?

[Rubin0]

Re: What does it take for kids to learn?

^^^ Trying to pump the kids with sedatives. That's the easy fix, many times for parents that have no idea what they are doing.

[virus003]

Re: What does it take for kids to learn?

from what ive seen being in the middle is the cause of her lack of listening/respect.

oh i see what madmatt is doing

This is somewhat true, apparently she's like a wild animal at her dads house. And for all of you saying she should get food when she behaves nicely, can you consider a different reward? She's almost obese, therefor she doesn't need anymore food, but she always begs, it's a habit that she has to learn to get over.

And I don't think she needs parenting classes, she does the usual spanking. When I was watching her for about 5 minutes today, she hit me purposely and I specifically said that you don't hit people, and that it's not nice. My sister overheard me, and gave her a good ol' spank to the ass. But she still doesn't learn, it's like it comes in through one ear and out the other.

I think another problem might be that at her dads house, they speak some spanish there, which could become a problem, she could be mixing up words. She has speaking issues, but she is in speech class. It's almost like she does everything bad on purpose, and spanking really isn't enough for her to learn her lesson.

[Rubin0]

Re: What does it take for kids to learn?

Are you being serious? Spanking does not work. You think this is effective over a parenting class? Wow.