What does it take for kids to learn?

[HoneyMelonCalibrator]

Re: What does it take for kids to learn?

Baby? Whatever. That's not really the point, lol. The point is you should focus more on providing her with incentive as opposed to just flat out laying out the law and expecting her to go along with it.

[Artic_counter]

Re: What does it take for kids to learn?

Oh ****, I just realized I'm wrong. I just looked from Rubix's perspective and yeah, yelling and spanking is a great way to **** a kid up. It not only destroys the bond between the parent and child but also greatly affects him psychologically.

Damn, now I feel ashamed.

[HoneyMelonCalibrator]

Re: What does it take for kids to learn?

Oh ****, I just realized I'm wrong. I just looked from Rubix's perspective and yeah, yelling and spanking is a great way to **** a kid up. It not only destroys the bond between the parent and child but also great affects him psychologically.

Damn, now I feel ashamed.

Yep. Spanking is more or less ineffective. It breeds abusive habits in the child that more than likely will be passed on to the child's child and so on.

[virus003]

Re: What does it take for kids to learn?

OMG you guys.

Spanking does NOT ****ing work. Stop saying that. All it does is cause you to be submissive and fearful and it usually causes residual psychological damage and deeply-rooted abuse/trust issues.\

Spanking clearly shows that "you don't do this again" type of thing. It doesn't cause psychological damage, the kid's ****ing 4 for christs sake, you think they're gonna remember getting spanked until they're 90 years old? No, it is a lesson being taught physically, and it shouldn't cause trust issues, kids usually get over being spanked within a few minutes and they behave regularly. It's meant to teach a lesson, not cause trust issues.

Were you ever spanked?

[kmay]

Re: What does it take for kids to learn?

back in the day when kids werent pussies. both of my parents got spanked and most likely all of yours did too. From what i see, they had great relationships. Spanking can teach a child right from wrong(I am an example) if done correctly. The parent cant just resort to spanking when the child is out of line. they need to give the child a chance to fix the mistake. if they do straight for the spanking that could potentially **** up the child

[MinaciousGrace]

Re: What does it take for kids to learn?

**** kids society doesn't need them whether they listen or not

[Rubin0]

Re: What does it take for kids to learn?

Also, hitting a child promotes bullying and the children are more likely to be bullies throughout their lives and are more likely to bully their own children.

[virus003]

Re: What does it take for kids to learn?

I can see all of your guy's points through this, it sounds like spanking should be limited or just not done at all. Then what is an alternative for a child to learn not to do certain things?

PS I thank all of you for actually thinking in this thread, it really keeps things going, and it teaches me some things.

[Reincarnate]

Re: What does it take for kids to learn?

Spanking clearly shows that "you don't do this again" type of thing. It doesn't cause psychological damage, the kid's ****ing 4 for christs sake, you think they're gonna remember getting spanked until they're 90 years old? No, it is a lesson being taught physically, and it shouldn't cause trust issues, kids usually get over being spanked within a few minutes and they behave regularly. It's meant to teach a lesson, not cause trust issues.

Were you ever spanked?

Are you retarded or just trolling me? Because if you seriously believe what you just said, then holy mother of poop I fear for your kids.

Spanking just teaches a child to fear you, and yes it does cause damage. I was spanked constantly as a kid and it caused a lot of problems for me for a long time. Even though my father was killed in a car crash, do you know what I feel for him? Absolutely nothing -- every single one of my memories with my father involved him either hitting/spanking me or punishing me over something retarded. I was never close to him, nor did I trust or respect him. It was just a massive aura of fear.

Eventually, what happens is that a kid who is spanked doesn't actually change the underlying behavior. It's like when you hit a dog constantly -- eventually it whimpers and cowers when you do nothing but simply get near its head. It'll still shit/piss in secret -- it'll just figure out how to do it without you noticing. It's not a healthy way to change behavior and it absolutely causes damage.

The problem is that hitting/spanking is a very "easy out" solution. It's the first thing that comes to the uneducated parent's mind -- "Oh, I'll just threaten the kid with beatings until it stops doing what I don't want it to." It's a lot harder to figure out safer ways to change behavior because it usually involves a combination of patience and careful guidelines. People who hit their kids are usually the kinds of people who were hit themselves. Don't be a dumbass by perpetuating the cycle. Pick up a goddamned parenting book or take a class or SOMETHING. Hell, just *Google* it.

[Reincarnate]

Re: What does it take for kids to learn?

Here, plenty of fodder

http://www.google.com/#sclient=psy&hl=en&safe=off&site=&source=hp&q=why+spanking+doesn%27t+work&aq=f&aqi=&aql=&oq=&pbx=1&fp=c72bee5a4a93f9a3

There's tons of really useful info that you can apply to your own situation.

[virus003]

Re: What does it take for kids to learn?

Are you retarded or just trolling me? Because if you seriously believe what you just said, then holy mother of poop I fear for your kids.

Spanking just teaches a child to fear you, and yes it does cause damage. I was spanked constantly as a kid and it caused a lot of problems for me for a long time. Even though my father was killed in a car crash, do you know what I feel for him? Absolutely nothing -- every single one of my memories with my father involved him either hitting/spanking me or punishing me over something retarded. I was never close to him, nor did I trust or respect him. It was just a massive aura of fear.

Eventually, what happens is that a kid who is spanked doesn't actually change the underlying behavior. It's like when you hit a dog constantly -- eventually it whimpers and cowers when you do nothing but simply get near its head. It'll still shit/piss in secret -- it'll just figure out how to do it without you noticing. It's not a healthy way to change behavior and it absolutely causes damage.

The problem is that hitting/spanking is a very "easy out" solution. It's the first thing that comes to the uneducated parent's mind -- "Oh, I'll just threaten the kid with beatings until it stops doing what I don't want it to." It's a lot harder to figure out safer ways to change behavior because it usually involves a combination of patience and careful guidelines. People who hit their kids are usually the kinds of people who were hit themselves. Don't be a dumbass by perpetuating the cycle. Pick up a goddamned parenting book or take a class or SOMETHING. Hell, just *Google* it.

I'm honestly really sorry to hear about your father, and apologize if this thread brings back any memories. You pretty much put the icing on the cake with this. To me it sounds like the background you're from determines your opinion on this, there's those that were spanked as a child, and those who had an "easier" way. Looks like I have a lot to tell my sister.

But I still need my question answered, what's a better way for a child to learn then?

[Rubin0]

Re: What does it take for kids to learn?

I tried to answer your question in the beginning of this thread.

Positive reinforcement when the child is good. In other words, when she is good tell her that she is good. Reward her with something. Food is a good option but don't over indulge because that opens up an entire bag of worms when you relate food to emotions.

If you need to punish the child, time out. Ignore tantrums. Even yelling at a child is reinforcing a tantrum because you are giving the child attention, which is what she wants.

Always be consistent. If you put her in time out every single time she does a certain bad thing, she will learn. Eventually. It doesn't happen from one minute to the next. If could take days even months.

When she is good ALWAYS reward her. Not sometimes. Always until the behavior comes naturally, then you can reward her sometimes just to reinforce it so she doesn't forget. She is being good at the dinner table? "Good job honey, you are being such a lady at the dinner table. I am so proud of you." She is being good in the super market? "I am so proud of you. You are such a good girl. Pick a special snack you can eat on the car ride home".

[korny]

Re: What does it take for kids to learn?

I'm sorry but my dad used to spank the shit out of me. Perhaps it's the manner in which he went about it, but I always tried not to laugh before i knew i was about to get beat. It didn't matter whether it was the belt or his hand, it was gonna hurt but I just would say "fck why did I do that lmao" and take it like the little boy I was. I might not have the greatest relationship whatsoever with my parents, but I definitely never feared my father nor would I even consider him having spanked me a reason for resentment. If your father literally beat the shit out of you then that's different but we're talking about conventional spanking here. I would get spanked for the most retarded reasons ever but I feel like it's all my dad knew how to do because I was just that unruly of a child. Grounding never worked so why not show your son who's the boss with spanking for doing something I was told not to do?

EDIT: On a side note, spanking never worked. I would do it anyway knowing I might or might not get a beating for it. Point i was trying to make, is if you let something like conventional spanking make you fear your parents to a point that it creates a rift in your relationship with them, then you're just a pansy who didn't know how to accept consequences for their actions.

[who_cares973]

Re: What does it take for kids to learn?

theres the difference between you and me as a child then. i was hardly ever spanked and i was only ever hit when i in my opinion looking back now deserved it. constant hitting will obviously result in psychological damage. im not talking about hitting for every little thing that a kid does wrong ever a slap on the wrist sandle to the ass as a last resort never a first. i have never been a bully and i suffer no trust issues anything. my mother raised me properly and from what i personally experienced growing up my mom did nothing wrong. will i hit my kids? probably not because i will prevent any bad behavior that would lead to getting hit.

[Reincarnate]

Re: What does it take for kids to learn?

It's not just my own background -- there are countless others who come from abusive families. Even "light spanking" or infrequent spanking doesn't really do a whole lot for you. The best way to change behavior is to change the way you communicate/interact.

Again, spanking may be a temporary fix, but it doesn't *teach good behavior* and it causes problems. It just teaches the kid to fear you. Like Rubin0 said, it's a bullying relationship. You want to take the other approach and reward it for doing things you like rather than just focus on the negatives. By incentivizing a kid to perform good deeds to gain reward, you also teach it early on some really valuable skill sets that stick with him/her for life (such as goal-setting, breaking problems down, relating to people better, communicating, respecting others, maintaining a certain quality of life, etc). If you're mean and loud when dealing with your kid, it'll do the same to its peers. On the other hand, being calm and collected will usually lead to that kid ALSO being calm and collected with others. You're in a prime position to set her on a good track, so I heavily advise you not to **** it up with yelling/screaming/hitting/etc.

Change a negative into a positive. Instead of thinking "I want this ****ing brat to stop doing X," think "I want to eliminate X by teaching the kid to do Y instead." Don't get *too far* into the "why"s with kids because it'll usually just open up excuses for argument and more argument escalation, although it does help if your rules are reasonable to begin with (explaining things can help a kid improve rationalization/intelligence early on, especially if they're trying to explain why they're angry). Even if it's something small, give praise for behavior that more closely follows what you want. Not just verbal praise -- combine it with something else. Good rewards usually include rule slackening (letting a kid stay up for 15-20 extra minutes, having a cookie or sweet that they want, getting them a toy, etc).

There are lots of creative ways you can put it all together, but the key is really the mindset you use going into it. If you just mindlessly punish and scream and hit, that won't do shit and you'll be doing your kid a disservice. Take things the other direction and you'll have a much better chance of actually having a close/loving relationship AND the added bonus of better behavior.