My depersonalization over the last year

[XXXsmittyXXX]

Re: My depersonalization over the last year

best of luck man, get well

also if you need Jesus send me a PM

Thank you.

top, they tell you that's it's intended purpose but it's a lie, okay? It is a synthetic drug to be smoked, not to be burned in an incense burner.

[top]

Re: My depersonalization over the last year

i know what spice is dawg. it really is an incense that was turned into a synthetic drug because people like to act retarded sometimes idk why they just do.

smoked it like 3 times, puked once and was done. shit's stupid and you can tell the second you take your first hit. it's so disgusting.

[XXXsmittyXXX]

Re: My depersonalization over the last year

Maybe you should say 'was' an incense because i tried to burn these blends in a sachet and they did not scent a single thing in my home. It has changed. Yeah first hit, 10 seconds go by, and you regret it.

[top]

Re: My depersonalization over the last year

damn straight tho! dunno how you did it man

[Spenner]

Re: My depersonalization over the last year

Don't other cannabinoids show up in a drug test as well? I think certain ones if they're chemically similar enough to THC it could potentially...

Anyhow, it is good for you to stop. Sometimes a sort of Stockholm syndrome happens with a drug that can leave you strung out and anxious. It's making it worse by continuing it's use, yet you perceive it to be something that can help/maintain it. After you stop, you'll probably have to just take a lot of time off from altering your state, getting yourself in a more mindful position.

Not all synthetic cannabinoids are bad, but some ESPECIALLY perpetuate depersonalization, which is a breeding ground for long lasting panic attacks (because there's nothing that you can hold onto sorta, you're too detached with your rationale).

It's shitty that companies will exploit the legal grey area at any cost. There are more research chemicals out there than ever before.

If it were legal to do so you could buy a strain of weed that has almost 0% THC and very high CBD levels and that might overtime reverse some of the general anxiety and dissociative effects.

In the meantime, find songs that keep you feeling grounded, and also find songs that will help you let go, and just let the depersonalization really consume you for a bit just to let things vent. Prevention is the biggest thing really. Overtime you will learn (if you pay attention enough) certain ideas/thoughts/responses can trigger you to begin falling out of it.

That's if you have a similar depersonalization disorder as I do, or at least symptoms of it. Anyhow goodluck, live n learn.

[Spenner]

Re: My depersonalization over the last year

it really is an incense that was turned into a synthetic drug because people like to act retarded sometimes idk why they just do.

It's technically an incense, if you count the fact that it's material that's been sprayed with something with smoke that will ~change the mood~. The fact that dried papery stuff sprayed with chemicals is called incense, makes cigarettes sound like they need to be called incense cylinders.

Anyhoo, the chemicals added to these were added intentionally because of their similarity in effects to THC. I've even had salvia that was sprayed with synthetic cannabinoids that had been seen to cause really intense dissociation, but it did not fool me.

[krunkykai22]

Re: My depersonalization over the last year

Mr. Smitty:

You and I have had countless conversations over the phone regarding this. But, I will summarize everything there here as well for your personal support.

First, spice isn't something that is going to be banned completely for a long time. I used to work on a farm that produced and sold Black Lotus and Black Lotus Elite. I can find the article online about the farm and how it was shut down for processing the substance, but never banning the substance. The reason is because of the chemicals that are used within the incense itself. Some of the chemicals are linked to household cleaning items, and if they ban the chemical, they ban the cleaning product.

It's a long vicious circle that the Federal Government has been in with this Herbal Incense/Spice conundrum, but I highly doubt, with the recent states legalizing legitimate Marijuana, that they will ban Spice as well.

Also, it's amazing that you want to rehabilitate yourself. That is always the hardest step to take. Going to an inpatient facility is also another step up. You have no choice in there but to go through your withdrawl. They will help you a lot more then just a cold turkey or slow down on your own time. But, you NEED to have the mentality to do it.

I did a lot of drugs man. It's the main reason why I went from a 3.95 GPA guy with scholarships to colleges for sports and academics to where I am at today. I threw everything away for personal family issues and drugs. It sucks. But, man, one day I threw it all out of my head and sought help, and did it on my own. Cold turkey everything, but it was a bitch. You are doing it a much safer and better way, and you MUST (can't stress that enough) MUST stick to this man.

Not for nothing dude, but you also should let me know of the place you will sign yourself into, because all places allow visitors (at least around me and up north) and visiting people that are going through what you are is almost necessary. It would put you in good spirits. So you need to let me know so I can come visit.

Also, when you get out, remember what I told you. Vitamins, exercise, keep motivated, keep busy. Remember that man. And make sure you eat a lot. You need to get your body back to the healthy state.

Keep your head up brother. You got the digits so call me whenever you want anytime. We're all proud of you for taking this step, just follow through, and you'll achieve whatever you want.

[XXXsmittyXXX]

Re: My depersonalization over the last year

It IS technically an incense, but when i went to burn it, the chemicals did not permeate. You can seriously order huge batches of these test chemicals from china, but after testing and lab reports, nothing. Up and down results, solvents that didnt fully dissipate, turpentine , acetone, nail polish remover, gasoline. Even chemicals combining with other chemicals to form new mixtures never before seen by doctors.

[JurseyRider734]

Re: My depersonalization over the last year

good luck with your recovery, smitty. i really hope things work out for you. addiction is really rough and i'm glad you are seeking help for this.

[XXXsmittyXXX]

Re: My depersonalization over the last year

I just.. i really appreciate this everyone. I know that i can kick this in due time. It's nice to have ones that care about you. I have done horrible things in the last year and i want to make it better. I even went to the chapel at the hospital yesterday... because i feared in my moment of psychosis that i was going to die and i did not want to be alone.
For me to get past this, will be another chance at life. My heart is kinda beatin fast :/

I guess i should mention i'm kind of seeing a 31 year old woman, who is a commander in the army, that knows about my addiction, who is my nextdoor neighbor and has a 5 year old son. She treats me like gold and i also feel that she will be a strong point for me making it out alive. She is pregnant by me, we don't know what to do yet.

[SCWolf]

Re: My depersonalization over the last year

The easiest way to rid yourself of this kind of thing, is to disconnect yourself from the entire lifestyle itself. Might not sound fun, but addiction is a real problem. Ridding yourself of an addiction is a lifestyle change. It's never easy, but it's worth it in the end.

I dated a girl who was addicted to cocaine. In order to rid herself of the addiction, she disconnected herself from everyone and everything that had anything to do with drugs. It took her some time, but she tackled it. Nowadays, she's no longer doing drugs or even smoking cigarettes for that matter. She's happier than ever. Things can get better, you just really have to be serious about it. Finding something to occupy yourself is probably the easiest way to help yourself.

Life is short, cherish it. Good luck on the rehab. Take it seriously and don't take your eyes off of your goal. Not for a second.

[MarioNintendo]

Re: My depersonalization over the last year

You can do it, man. And whatever life throws at you, don't wonder about if an event will be the end of everything or not. Keep fighting until you hear the bell ring. And talk to people when you feel alone, like you just did.

[Dynam0]

Re: My depersonalization over the last year

I'm glad you're getting help, that feels like an awful way to live. Good luck getting through, it's gonna be tough but you'll feel better about yourself in the future for doing it. I think it would be a good idea to do follow-up counseling for relapse prevention of some kind too; you might think you've completely recovered but your brain will be subconsciously preparing itself for a relapse at any time, best not to take any chances.

Wish you all the best!

[evanescence_death4ever]

Re: My depersonalization over the last year

Dear Smitty:

It's been quite a while since we've talked, and I had no idea any of this was happening to you. Although I wish things like this never happened, and wish things could just get better automatically, I understand that it's not something you can wish away. It's wonderful to hear that you are getting help. It's never too late to get help. I wish you the best in your recovery.

[XXXsmittyXXX]

Re: My depersonalization over the last year

Good morning everyone and thank you for the advice and kind words. i am having violent withdrawals right now i just woke up and i really want to use. The fact i can go downstairs and drive to high tyde easily and get some is pissing me off to no end. I really want to hurt someone there and i am worrying i might do just that