My depersonalization over the last year

[XXXsmittyXXX]

Re: My depersonalization over the last year

Its hard not to think about what they are doing since it's everywhere in my area and it's what all the fuss is about. I really need to move if my gf gets a promotion and moves this summer i will go too. There is nothing in my mind saying a change of environment would be a bad thing. I have been venting a lot i don't want to be a bother if i can avoid that by not rambling as much.
Today has been really weird i'm wondering if i'm getting real sleep at all because things are seeming 'trippy' and colors are REALLY colorful now. Going to go on a tour at the anheiser busch factory with Dev so i forsee me being drunk at some point in the day. It's been 6 days clean but it feels like forever.

Don't smoke k2 one way ticket to hell

[Cavernio]

Re: My depersonalization over the last year

I had a dream sometime this past couple of years that was all about the colors. They were so vibrant and beautiful and full of awe. I've never had any sort of synesthesia at all, so it was a really neat, unique experience.

You can vent and ramble as much as you want...unless you think it's bad for you, in which case don't.

[Jimmymi]

Re: My depersonalization over the last year

A friend of mine went into rehab for being addicted to RC-drugs. The withdrawal effects are not even funny to watch when you reach a certain amount (2 pure joints an hour).

[Crazyjayde]

Re: My depersonalization over the last year

I noticed one of my old friend slow process into getting clean. I remember him as being a heavy drug user to the point of abuse and damage (on himself and the rest). Didn't know the guy beforehand but I remember at some point during his detox some suggested that he should fill the spare time with things he never had the time to undertake.
You know it sounds fucking cliché, but he used to make some pretty awesome oil paintings and was a fervent admirer of Hieronymus Bosch's works. Small coincidence (but then again who isn't fascinated by the man?).

I've strayed far from drugs all my life, but I've seen a few of my friends succumb to the social confinement their lifestyle forced them into. You are wise to decide not to bend to it, but fighting your inner urges requires a shit ton of self-control/discipline, which drug addiction is known to wear out completely. Your social take on the industry is actually quite motivating, and I'm glad some users like you are aware of its influence.
Be sure to seek the proper emotional support, and get the fuck out of this sludgy environment asap.

[Tps222]

Re: My depersonalization over the last year

If only the government and workforce treated marijuana like alcohol, terrible things like this wouldn't need to happen.

Always glad to see someone take control of their life though.

[TC_Halogen]

Re: My depersonalization over the last year

I am willing to take the heat for this, but everyone in the community was doing an excellent job helping Smitty along, and it was a very healthy release for him. I am going to reopen this thread in hopes that people continue to be mature and aid in his speedy recovery, even if it is just emotionally/mentally.

Zeldagurlfan: if you return to this thread with the same intentions as before, consider yourself banned for the forums for not only inciting drama, but for also having insulting and rude behavior to users and disregarding staff instruction as I am giving you a warning now.

Everyone else, keep up the great work; I'm glad to see you all coming together to help someone out.

[Xayphon]

Re: My depersonalization over the last year

I've been thinking about how to contribute to this thread, but it's been a pretty steep process doing so. I really don't know what else to say other than you're doing a great job at keeping yourself under control, and should continue in doing so. I'm 100% certain this speaks in favor of your personality gleaning itself to one piece again, with success awaiting you at the end of the road.

If I may suggest you another option of keeping yourself busy at a time like this, go for what I call music-hunting on YouTube. Look up new artists, different music styles and what effects they might have on you. There are so many artsy gems out there, it has become a pretty unpleasant feeling to me when thinking of all the people who do not know about what's really out there, even if it rather sounds like I'm (yet again) accrediting my own music taste. But for this music, I wouldn't have been able to keep myself up emotionally. Its impact on me has been this great.

The music I'm referring to is chillwave / abstract or instrumental hip-hop / lo-fi / experimental electronic / new age jazz / ..., made by Nujabes, Flying Lotus, Pogo / Nick Bertke, Uyama Hiroto, DJ Okawari, Vanilla, Teebs, TOKiMONSTA, Gramatik, Mononome, Brock Berrigan, DJ Ezasscul, Amon Tobin, ... the list goes on and on. Also OSTs of games I played way back then and classical music accommodate me in keeping things smooth in my mind.

Obviously there are dozens of different genres that may have the same effect on you as this music has on me, but, try-hard inspirational sentence rite here, I've found the music for my soul and you should too if you haven't yet.

God bless

[TC_Halogen]

Re: My depersonalization over the last year

Related to Xayphon's post, rCaliberGX VALOR also posted a thread asking people to post music that they feel is cathartic: http://www.flashflashrevolution.com/...d.php?t=134852

You might find an interest in that as well.

[rCaliberGX]

Re: My depersonalization over the last year

xayphon pretty much summarized my thoughts on this. though it sounds a bit cliche, music can have a much more profound effect on your mind than most people think.

[Mollocephalus]

Re: My depersonalization over the last year

Yo smitty, hows it goin?

[XXXsmittyXXX]

Re: My depersonalization over the last year

Not so good im still sober but im really angry and getting angrier. If i smoked id most likely have a heart attack so that's so far out of the question. I might be going to the recovery center on tuesday to check myself in because i can't keep feeling this way.
My weight is down about 10 pounds too which is also worrying me. Cool that this thread is open again. Little more important to me than i thought. Was hard yesterday not having this to refer back to when i had urges

[Jimmymi]

Re: My depersonalization over the last year

Not so good im still sober but im really angry and getting angrier. If i smoked id most likely have a heart attack so that's so far out of the question. I might be going to the recovery center on tuesday to check myself in because i can't keep feeling this way.
My weight is down about 10 pounds too which is also worrying me. Cool that this thread is open again. Little more important to me than i thought. Was hard yesterday not having this to refer back to when i had urges

You are at the last stage of the withdrawal effects. If you fuck this up you dun goofd

[Mollocephalus]

Re: My depersonalization over the last year

Keep doing strong baby! Glad you're going into recovery center, that will def help. How many days has it been now?

[XXXsmittyXXX]

Re: My depersonalization over the last year

You are at the last stage of the withdrawal effects. If you fuck this up you dun goofd

Withdrawal can last for months. I'm hoping it won't for me though. Yeah i won't fuck this up that would be the wrong decision on so many levels. Thank you mollo it's been a week+ and through this recovery a few of my friends have hopped on the bandwagon and are now trying to taper themselves off of herbal incense. I have a lot of concern still about this drug as my friend drew was imprisoned for 15 months and went straight back to it upon release. It is that addicting.

[Mollocephalus]

Re: My depersonalization over the last year

You must know very well that addiction is not only pshisical, but psychological too. Some people, which i'm pretty sure excludes you, now that you've decided to change, know no better. They do drugs to fill some major mentality/personality flaws (or what their subconscious perceives as such); they keep doing them cause the drug brought them to think they want it. It's a very personal matter and it changes from person to person, and mine are mere speculations. But in all honesty, from the lighter to the hardest drugs, the bottom line is always the same: learn to respect and love yourself for who you are, and you won't need any of that shit.