Im writting a book...

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  • earth_lord
    FFR Player
    • Jun 2003
    • 204

    #1

    Im writting a book...

    Im writting a book and I am going to post every chapter so at least some1 can read it and to get your guys personal opinion I will post every chapter



    Anti-virus
    Project 2
    PROLOUGE
    ________________

    The air was filled with a sweet air, artificial oxygen. Scented with a breathable healthy smell, enough to support everyone on this ship. The year is 5076, the earth was drained of almost all of its resources, the plan for rejuvenating the earth is almost simple, leave the earth, wait until it grows all of its resources, then reoccupy. Luckily by then, we mastered Fire, Water, air, Gravity, and all other natural things earth has made. We also mastered space travel. The theory of there being aliens, were proven wrong, or, not found at all. Technology has shown that nothing is out of reach, every day more and more is made. One thing although that hasn’t been made, is true virtual reality. That was true until September 18, 5075. The first thing they (The Engineers of the New york Fleet No.3) made was a anti-virus program that all you need to do, was put on the pads that reacted to motion, and the goggles, then it was like you were in a new world. Not a wire frame but, a real world. Then all you need to do was spot viruses, they normally appear as wire frames, but some have true shape, normally like a weird creature, others terrifying. Then all you needed to do was pick up the weapons that normally appeared in front of you and, well, fire it. Now it is very harmless, if the virus got to you it would phase right through you. Once you shot them, the virus is deleted. They called it the AV Project 2. And it continued to be a game and a helping way to kill viruses. Harmless, Beatable, Detailed, Multiplayer, Fun, it was the perfect game. Until October 19, one month later, it happened. I can tell you this better then anybody else, because I was on the front line of it all…….
    1
    yes
    0%
    1
    Could be better
    0%
    0
    ive read MUCH better
    0%
    0
    no
    0%
    0
    ive complimented crap before but NEVER this
    0%
    0

    Im back, which can only mean 1 of two things:
    1. Armagedon
    2. Armagedon + excess weight
  • Problems
    FFR Player
    • Apr 2005
    • 513

    #2
    Meh, it's okay. I'd need to hear more to give a good/bad rating.

    Comment

    • Tps222
      FFR Player
      • Nov 2004
      • 6168

      #3
      Are we talking computer viruses, because that is what I'm assuming. So far it's decent, but you keep refering to "they" "they made it", who's they?

      Comment

      • ruifio894
        FFR Player
        • Sep 2003
        • 675

        #4
        I think its pretty good, yes definitly post more.



        Comment

        • XDDRCutieX
          FFR Player
          • Jul 2004
          • 251

          #5
          I agree. You need to say who they is. Otherwise it's good so far and you definitly need to post more of the story.
          ~Rach~

          Comment

          • happychoochoo7
            FFR Player
            • May 2003
            • 14

            #6
            Originally posted by XDDRCutieX
            I agree. You need to say who they is. Otherwise it's good so far and you definitly need to post more of the story.
            ~Rach~
            You took the words right out of my mouth.

            Comment

            • earth_lord
              FFR Player
              • Jun 2003
              • 204

              #7
              The next chapter begins

              I also fixed the
              "they" problem


              Chapter 1

              September 18, 5705, a new era of technology was founded, AV Prolect 2. True virtual reality. In the engineering labs on the New York ship fleet NO. 3, people were rejoicing. Scientists and program engineers had completed what none have done before. The next few days would be busy for everybody, because in that same hour it was announced that 11 beta testers, would be allowed into the game. To choose these players would be a very bad decision, so they decided to have post-cards mailed in, and to then draw eleven names.

              After hearing this on the news I got, up and scratched my back. It was 9:00 in the morning and the news would repeat constantly. “Today, the 4th winner was chosen, Don Richards, a college student, was surprised to hear about his winnings”. I turned my head in disgust.

              I sent 5 post-cards, just some realy cheap, 30 cent piece-of-trash of a card, with all things needed. I really wanted in bad.

              Then I turned around only to have my cat look at me funny and say “Don’t resent the lucky.” yes that’s right, my cat talked. A lot of technology was created in the years, including an artifical brain. One that has the mind of a 13 year old, with this, my cat can cook, clean, do my bills, you know, the works. Yet it is still pretty earie to have a sophisticated conversation with my cat, though I’ve got to mention, he makes the best burgers I have ever had. My cat is a black cat, in which for the hell of it, I named lucky. He has a weired a personality, but hes a cat so that’s not much of a surprise. “I know lucky, its just that I really want in, you know? I said

              Did I mention my name is Arnold Minnos? I myself am in high school, and a dedicated gamer to boot. I am 15 and in the 9th grade. My parents are rich, but always busy so I stay most my time home playing video games, or watching TV. I am a stuborn kid when it comes down to it, and im really skinny. I have brown hair and brown eyes and I wear contacts.

              “I know,” said Lucky, “but you must be patient, your time will come.” (Oh great now my cats a prophet) “Whatever” I said and got back to my precious television, when a new headline appeared, talking about the fifth winner, and would you know, they called my friends name.

              Im back, which can only mean 1 of two things:
              1. Armagedon
              2. Armagedon + excess weight

              Comment

              • pfff
                FFR Player
                • Jun 2004
                • 53

                #8
                Dude your story is like freaken awesome, if you got it published i would surely buy it.

                Comment

                • XDDRCutieX
                  FFR Player
                  • Jul 2004
                  • 251

                  #9
                  It's pretty good so far. Keep it coming. =D
                  ~Rach~

                  Comment

                  • The_Q
                    FFR Player
                    • May 2004
                    • 4391

                    #10
                    Myeh. Mal owns you.

                    Q

                    Comment

                    • Spazzbite
                      FFR Simfile Author
                      FFR Simfile Author
                      • Jan 2003
                      • 2181

                      #11
                      I would read it, but you couldn't even spell "writing" correctly in the title, so I'm not going to read it.

                      Originally posted by Quicker
                      shades don't break unless you break them.

                      Comment

                      • MalReynolds
                        CHOCK FULL O' NUTRIENTS
                        • Sep 2003
                        • 6571

                        #12
                        This type of story would be better suited to a graphic novel. Setting in the future would justify most of the wonky bullshit you have going on that makes no sense (Talking cat that does bills? WTF?), and then you could make the cat ULTRA-CUTSEY and draw in the crowd that doesn't care what it reads because all it is is a bunch of buzzwords thrown togethter. With a talking cat.

                        If you really want it (I'm sure you don't) I'll go very in depth about what changes need to be made. Also, your chapters are unbearabley short and the opening is very remenscent of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. And you overuse commas.

                        "I've, got, a, golden, post, card, I, can, play, the, video, game, now."

                        Mal

                        PS: After having just finished the first chapter... If you could call it that, I've encountered a problem. Not your boy winning a chance to play the game, I saw that coming a mile away. Changing the charachter of the cat after you already established that it has the mind of a thirteen year old, you have now made it some kind of wise-man, whom I'm sure will turn up later spouting more over-used terminology.

                        Also, what kind of a thirteen year old can do taxes? And what kind of a cat can cook dinner? It doesn't have opposable thumbs. Your future is very dumb.
                        "A new take on the epic fantasy genre... Darkly comic, relatable characters... twisted storyline."

                        "Readers who prefer tension and romance, Maledictions: The Offering, delivers... As serious YA fiction, Ill give it five stars out of five. As a novel? Four and a half." - Liz Ellor


                        My new novel:

                        Maledictions: The Offering.

                        Now in Paperback!

                        Comment

                        • earth_lord
                          FFR Player
                          • Jun 2003
                          • 204

                          #13
                          I guess i'll save the winning for later on ill change it

                          Im back, which can only mean 1 of two things:
                          1. Armagedon
                          2. Armagedon + excess weight

                          Comment

                          • Tps222
                            FFR Player
                            • Nov 2004
                            • 6168

                            #14
                            Well, I bet 13 year olds are much smarter 3k years from now. There's nothing from with personification in a futuristic fiction novel. I agree with Mal on the overuse of punctuation though, realx with that, othewise, decent story so far.

                            Comment

                            • LEGO
                              Banned
                              • Apr 2003
                              • 994

                              #15
                              hay gyz im writtin a story

                              Don't even attempt it if you can't spell the word 'writing' man.

                              You like to use commas a lot. KISS is a strategy that would do well for you here.

                              edit: oh yeah, palindrome post lol

                              Comment

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