Bulimia

[TK_yesillkillubitchboez]

Re: Bulimia

Explain.

I hope you're not talking about what I think you are, because that is absolutely out of the question.

What do you mean? And if i mean what you think you mean why is it out of the question?

[TK_yesillkillubitchboez]

Re: Bulimia

no definitely don't do that! i don't kno why ppl think those things help ppl. if you did that you could make things worse...
you could scare her so bad...and she'd lose trust in you

so def just stay the way you are...honestly you're such an understanding person...most ppl aren't like that. i hope your gf knows how lucky she is...even if she does have these hardships. ppl like you do make things so much easier

I highly doubt she can get out of it herself. It might make things better. You never know. But, since you are so close to her i don't think it is worth the risk so scratch my last post. Sorry, maybe you should just keep supporting her. I guess so. Sorry for no help.

Oh, BTW we had an intervention for my great uncle and he has been sober for 9 years.

[johnnyhoney0]

Re: Bulimia

so def just stay the way you are...honestly you're such an understanding person...most ppl aren't like that. i hope your gf knows how lucky she is...even if she does have these hardships. ppl like you do make things so much easier

Thank you, I try to be as helpful as I can as much as I can. But, for me, that just isn't good enough, you know?

What do you mean? And if i mean what you think you mean why is it out of the question?

1. You evaded my question.
2. You are quickly steering this conversation in the wrong direction.

EDIT: You apologized before I posted this, sorry.

[johnnyhoney0]

Re: Bulimia

I highly doubt she can get out of it herself.

Well, that's true. It really is only possible through much therapy, and the support of everyone around her.

Oh, BTW we had an intervention for my great uncle and he has been sober for 9 years.

I'm glad that worked out for you, but I believe that is an extremely rare case. AriesMalvis is right when she says "you could scare her so bad...and she'd lose trust in you", and I do not want to lose anything I've put into this relationship so far, considering I've put nearly every ounce of what I have.

[AriesMalvis]

Re: Bulimia

oh and first of all i didn't mean to be mean about the whole intervention thing...i mean i kno it can work...but i also kno that it can be a very scary thing. interventions are better suited to treat certain things...ed's not being one of them...well maybe over eating...

and hmm...well i kno im not recovered tho i have greatly improved. and everyone who has any type of problem handles it differently. there's no surefire way that can work for everyone...so im not gonna act like there is.

and i kno how it is for it to feel like you're not doing enough...but as long as you're they're by her side being understanding...that's definitely enough. i kno you prolly just wanna do whatever it takes to make her all better...and tho you can't be a cureall...who knows you may be the one to help her thru all of this.

[Windscarredfaith]

Re: Bulimia

If I had a condition like bulimia, the last thing I would like is for tons of people to know that I have the disease. I would only like it to keep it within a certain group of friends who I can trust. This is especially true because if many other people knew, they do not know the exact situation, and they might tell me, "Go hurry up and eat." And then monitor if I go to the bathroom to purge. That's not something that would help me recover.

[AriesMalvis]

Re: Bulimia

yea...that's true. :/ i mean back in high school my group of aquaintances...well we used to joke around about it. they'd be like omg don't tell me you're anorexic or bulimic...id be like what? no way...do i look like it? yea...but after my parents found out...i became more open with it...tho it's hard to deal with things when the ppl who are supposed to be there for you are the ones who tease you...but ive had worse problems to deal with

[jamuko]

Re: Bulimia

This is really beside the point, but technically, since the definition of a disease is "any harmful, depraved, or morbid condition, as of the mind or society" (dictionary.com), bulimia nervosa is in fact a disease. It makes more sense to call it a disorder, that stands to reason. However, when referring to the condition, both "disorder" and "disease" are acceptable. As a matter of fact, Dr. Naessen refers to bulimia nervosa as a disease throughout her thesis.

Not making anything personal, just stating the facts.

Ha, I stand corrected. Sorry about that, I guess it just seemed weird to me that it be referred to as a disease.

I wish I could help more, but you clearly know what you're talking about, so any speculation I could give would be somewhat of an insult to the advice and deeper thoughts those of you who have personal experience would have.

The closest I come is that I have one of those really fast metabolisms, so I am skinny like a stick. I've been accused of being anorexic or bulimic before, which was really upsetting, because I'm not like that at all. It's a pain to have to go out of my way to eat a lot in front of people sometimes just so that no one would jump to conclusions from seeing my body type. :/

Sorry that's not really helpful, but I guess it's nice to have a little related anecdote.

[AriesMalvis]

Re: Bulimia

i call it a a disorder and not a disease...cuz it's a mental illness. and calling it a disease makes it sound more icky

[johnnyhoney0]

Re: Bulimia

and tho you can't be a cureall...who knows you may be the one to help her thru all of this.

I hope so. Most of her family believes that I will be, which is very encouraging, to say the least. As for my parents, they just tell me that what I'm doing is honorable and that I need to not quit.

My girlfriend tells me all the time about how it's going to be hard for me, and I always tell her "it would be harder trying to leave you now", and I really believe that. The point is, I'm not going anywhere, and she knows that. Thankfully, that's comforting for her, and I'd like to think it is having some effect as far as how she views herself. Maybe if I can show her how much she means to me and everyone else, she'll start to see it for herself.

If I had a condition like bulimia, the last thing I would like is for tons of people to know that I have the disease. I would only like it to keep it within a certain group of friends who I can trust.

I agree. I definitely would not want everyone to know I had an eating disorder. But the most important thing is for the people who can do something about it to know. I feel privileged that she told me, even though I was beginning to realize it on my own. It's different when you feel safe enough to tell someone something like that.

(Apology)

No worries, mate. I know you were just trying to help.

and calling it a disease makes it sound more icky

LOL, you're right. But you know I tend to look at that word strictly by its definition, so I never really have a problem referring to bulimia as a disease. She actually refers to it as a disease too, so there's another person in my corner.

[AriesMalvis]

Re: Bulimia

I'm glad her family believes in you as well. Just make sure not to take too much upon yourself.

and when i think 'disease' i think...bacteria, something spreading from one person to another, infection. but in a way it is...and it does spread :/ and that's just sad

[jewpinthethird]

Re: Bulimia

i call it a a disorder and not a disease...cuz it's a mental illness. and calling it a disease makes it sound more icky

But it is a disease. The chemical make up in your is altered. It becomes compulsive and is quite literally, out of your control.

If your girlfriend has bulimia, she needs to get professional help. Have her go see a psychologist, or at least alert her parents about her condition.

[AriesMalvis]

Re: Bulimia

i think i kno...i mean im actually dealing with it
and i take it her parents already kno...

[Chrissi]

Re: Bulimia

I personally know about damaging compulsions. Though I've never dealt with bulimia personally, or anything NEARLY so serious, I have small problems like every time I get a zit I just HAVE to pop it, even though I know it makes it worse.... and I hate that I did it, after, and I realize it doesn't help anything at all, I just feel like I have to do it. It's a habit and it's really hard to break. It makes me feel ugly and terrible about myself. It makes my face full of scars and pits and scabs and blood but I keep doing it anyway. It probably even makes more zits form.... which is bad enough in itself.

Something to think about: I don't know if this is "normal" or what, but I have NEVER once been able to leave a zit alone. Sometimes I would resist for a day or two, but eventually they always get popped or scraped off. And I have a tad bit of an acne problem - there's always a few noticable blemishes on my face, mostly my forehead. Right now hmmmm I am not going to count in the mirror, but at least 10 on my forehead, one on the side of my nose, and a few on my jawline. It comes and goes, but because of my compulsion, no matter if I am growing zits at the moment or not, I've always got blemishes on my face because once I've picked off a zit, it makes a scab, I pick the scab it makes a bigger one, etc... hard cycle to break.

I managed to stop biting my fingernails after years and years and YEARS of doing it. I don't really know how I did it - I just went cold turkey. It was a very strong compulsion - when I was bored I'd pick my nails. I almost think that I was able to stop picking and biting my nails because I diverted my "pickiness" attention to something else - now I'll pick at my face, and when I am at home I'll pick my toenails, but never my fingernails. I can't tell if I've progressed or simply rerouted the compulsion.

These things are extremely, extremely hard to break. I feel for you and your girlfriend, though I can't offer much help. All I can say is, it requires strength of mind. It might just be a matter of time. She needs to either a) Change her method of thinking about problems, or b) Become so disgusted with this habit that she stops.

Both are unlikely to happen easily or anytime soon. Therapy can help, but she requires at least SOME strength of mind for it to work at all. Therapy won't work on someone who isn't willing to change.

[johnnyhoney0]

Re: Bulimia

If your girlfriend has bulimia, she needs to get professional help. Have her go see a psychologist, or at least alert her parents about her condition.

She is already seeing two psychologists, a psychiatrist, and her regular family doctor. She also goes in for bloodwork about once a month or so, though recently she has been going once a week, which is actually quite bothersome for me, considering the implications that might make. Her parents and my parents also already know about her condition.

I mean, who else should we inform that needs to be?

(Zits, etc...)

I understand the compulsion. I myself have had a few bad habits in the past. Fortunately, though, they never really progressed to the point that I wasn't able to stop. That's the thing, she feels like it's out of her ability to simply go "cold turkey" as you said. I tend to agree with that, considering how deep-rooted this is for her. It's been going on for two or three years now. I would never try to force to her to do that anyway; that would probably kill her.

I can't tell if I've progressed or simply rerouted the compulsion.

It's hard to tell. That goes along with something I've been trying to figure out myself. I'm thinking that if I can keep her occupied enough, she won't go through another binge/purge cycle. That's a bit of the reason why her parents want me to stay so badly, they feel like I'm such a good influence that I'll bring her out of it. Although that is comforting to hear, it's unlikely.

She needs to either a) Change her method of thinking about problems, or b) Become so disgusted with this habit that she stops.

Well, I agree. But here's the problem:

A) She knows that she needs to, and she tries. Sometimes, she does. The compulsion is so great, though, that it overcomes more rational thinking a lot of the time.

B) She is disgusted with it. She hates herself for doing it, she tells me that all the time. Unfortunately, it's not as easy as realizing "Wow, I'm killing myself. I better quit ASAP" and then quitting. The thought process that runs through her mind is more along the lines of:

"Wow, I'm killing myself. I better quit ASAP. You need food. But I know what it's going to do to me... No, really, you need it. This is not what I need right now. You're going to feel so much better after it's all over, just do it. You know you're right, I do always feel so much better when it's all over. So what's the big deal anyway? I can't afford to let everyone down, I need to try to swim to shore, not tread water 500 feet out. They'll understand, they always do. But that's not right, I can't take advantage of that. You're stressing a lot over this aren't you? Yes...too much. Why don't you just get a little oatmeal? Maybe a few donut holes. Maybe a box of cereal. You know, just a little comfort food. That sounds so good, and you know, you're right, I do feel so much better when this is all over. I think one more time won't hurt. (2 hours and $100 worth of food later) Wow, I look like I'm nine months pregnant. I can't believe I ate all that! Now you're going to gain thirty pounds, you pig. Oh my gosh, I can't gain weight! That will just make everything worse! I need to get rid of this! (45 minutes later, after one long shower) Wow, that's much better. I feel great now. Thank goodness that's over."

Then she'll go about a day or so before it happens again. The exact same thought process occurs over and over, nearly every day. It really is a battle with her own mind that she, unfortunately, loses day after day.

Therapy won't work on someone who isn't willing to change.

I agree, but in fact, therapy does not always work on those who are willing to change. She has been going to therapy for about a year now, and she seems to only get worse with time, which is why I have hope now in Dr. Naessen's new research. She tackles it from a physiological standpoint, and I believe she has stumbled upon a truly remarkable piece of information.

I appreciate your input, Chrissi. I hope you can re-route that compulsion into something constructive, just like I hope my girlfriend can. Until then, I guess we can just be there for each other as much as possible.