Should men open doors for women?

[jamuko]

Re: Should men open doors for women?

Yeah, I've learned to accept things as they are, and I do comply with my dad's wishes now. ^^ Still, it doesn't change the fact that I feel a bit awkward doing it. Maybe it's just because of the world I've lived in as I grew up, but I feel most comfortable when things are generally equal. It seems silly, but if someone does such gestures for me, I feel a small amount of unnecessary debt or guilt that I'd rather not have. I understand that a guy might enjoy the act showing humility and respect toward a girl, but I also feel that the girl's wishes for keeping humility and respect shouldn't be ignored either, you know?

Nowadays if someone wants to open the door for me, I'm just fine with it, but I certainly don't expect it. I dunno, something seems wrong about that. It seems arrogant, or taking advantage of the poor guys. Sure, some guys may love that stuff as you said, but for those who don't, I would never hold it against them.

I also learned a related thing the hard way... I never wanted a guy to pay for my food or anything like that. I felt guilty for using someone else's money, so I shoved money back in order to keep even. It wasn't until my parents informed me that I realized this could be taken in a rude "I don't like you at all, don't you dare think of paying for me!!" sort of way. ^^; It's a tough line to walk.

Heh, what look like simple customs of society can really be complex under the surface. Ah, the human mind.

[Varia]

Re: Should men open doors for women?

Holding the door open is a-ok.

Paying their way, however, is not.

Ask Chrissi about it.

[GuidoHunter]

Re: Should men open doors for women?

but if someone does such gestures for me, I feel a small amount of unnecessary debt or guilt that I'd rather not have.

I quite understand this, as I take debts and the repaying of them very seriously.

Something to consider is that there are many ways to absolve yourself of such a debt that you put on yourself. Do something else nice for the guy (that doesn't involve opening a door for him), or, hell, just "pass it on" and do something for the next stranger you can help. The action wasn't intended with you as a specific target, so the debt doesn't have to be directed back at that same person.

--Guido

http://andy.mikee385.com

[Ascenterra]

Re: Should men open doors for women?

Yes, men should. And women should hold doors open for men. It's called being nice. Try it? Please?

No?

...Ok.

[Tisthammerw]

Re: Should men open doors for women?

I don't know, even as a girl I find it annoying to get random "privileges" for no reason. I don't feel like I deserve any special treatment just for being female

I hope I date a girl like you...who will pay for the dinner instead of me.

[Kilgamayan]

Re: Should men open doors for women?

I didn't realize gender was a determining factor in whether or not you hold a door open or not. I always figured it was a simple combination of speed of movement, door proximity and armstuffs population.

Maybe I need to get out more.

Or less.

Or something.

[FictionJunction]

Re: Should men open doors for women?

In Latin-America.. you just do it. No complaints. Now that I'm in the states, I've loosened up a bit regarding such things.. but I'll still always do it for all Latin girls on campus and my very close female friends. You always have to be courteous to women. Opening the door is just one of the many actions you do.

I have found myself in a situation where this American girl snapped at me for opening the door for her purely out of custom. I guess she thought I was degrading her =/

[T3hDDRKid]

Re: Should men open doors for women?

I always hold doors open for girls, whether my girlfriend, friends, or strangers - women [while they are equal] deserve such treatment, in my opinion.

An exception to this is those girls who go out of their way to treat people like crap - I respect people until they lose that respect.

With guys, it depends - if it's convenient or they're a friend or something, I'll hold it for them, but if I'm in a hurry, or they're somebody I can't stand - pff.

[stretchypanda]

Re: Should men open doors for women?

I also learned a related thing the hard way... I never wanted a guy to pay for my food or anything like that. I felt guilty for using someone else's money, so I shoved money back in order to keep even. It wasn't until my parents informed me that I realized this could be taken in a rude "I don't like you at all, don't you dare think of paying for me!!" sort of way. ^^; It's a tough line to walk.

Guido responds with surprise whenever we go out and I pay for myself. I don't know if that is because I mooch free meals off of him far too often or if he is just a crazy gentleman. Probably both.

[j-pros]

Re: Should men open doors for women?

I always do, it's a simple and easy act of courtesy; something I see less and less of everyday.

[the_unda_doggz]

Re: Should men open doors for women?

I hold the door for anybody.

[T3hDDRKid]

Re: Should men open doors for women?

I also learned a related thing the hard way... I never wanted a guy to pay for my food or anything like that. I felt guilty for using someone else's money, so I shoved money back in order to keep even. It wasn't until my parents informed me that I realized this could be taken in a rude "I don't like you at all, don't you dare think of paying for me!!" sort of way. ^^; It's a tough line to walk.

I sometimes offer to buy things for my girlfriends, and if they absolutely refuse, I'm not offended - some of them are just that kind of person. They can't let a guy [or anybody] pay for them because they feel guilty, and while I think it feels good to do nice things for people, I'm not offended if they refuse, unless it's in an obviously rude/spiteful way.

[lord_carbo]

Re: Should men open doors for women?

Yeah, T3hDDRKid, what sucks is when in other situations, it becomes a paradox of guilt: person A feels guilty for accepting, person B feels guilty for not giving. Either way, someone feels guilty unless an understanding is met.

Me? I accept most of the time, and when it's a hot, nice chick, I act modest and decline, and get in bed with her later since modesty is attractive.

[Pippin667]

Re: Should men open doors for women?

I think its sexist to hold the door for just women, good manners should be used on all peoples

[Chrissi]

Re: Should men open doors for women?

I don't feel like spouting off a fountain of opinions today; I am far too tired. However, I do want to show how I feel about this issue. And if people could refrain from giving me a gigantic argument about it, just for awhile until I manage to come back here and get into the nitty gritty of it, I would appreciate that. I'm not saying don't respond to me, but I would certainly like to express my opinion here and not receive hostility. Just for now. I hope that isn't too much to ask for.

The holding open of doors for women stems from the idea that women are too weak to do things for themselves; primarily, that they need men to take care of them. By holding the door for a woman, you are telling her that you accept and love the fact that she is weaker than you, and you would like it to stay that way. It is a way of overpowering women.

But this is all just really deep inside the issue. On the surface, men like Guido who hold doors for women are not evil misogynist monsters. They are just trying to do a nice thing for the women in their life. That isn't too bad, in and of itself.

But the pattern in society of men holding doors for women is an example of the patriarchy and suppression of women that is inherent in our thought patterns, beliefs, and societal system. Guido (sorry to use you as an example, but you're cool and I actually read your post) doesn't hold doors because he thinks women are inferior; he holds them because he is a gentleman when he does so.

But from a systems perspective, this pattern or trend is damaging toward women.

You go out of your way to hold doors for the elderly, the weak, those who have their hands full..... and women. Which one doesn't fit here?