Dad's girlfriend.

[Wize2B]

Re: Dad's girlfriend.

Wow Rushyrulz, I’m glad that it was not the first time! I was hoping that I was reading it wrong.

So, was she ever nice to you prior to this incident, like my dad’s girlfriend is?

[rushyrulz]

Re: Dad's girlfriend.

Yes, but she was getting way too involved my life. And in the end she acted like it was a bargaining chip for my affection when she listed everything she did for me screaming into my car. I guess she failed to realize that I'm not a 12 year old and I don't need or want my dad's girlfriend to play mom for me. Oh I forgot to mention, during the tirade, she said, "I've done more for you than your own mother" which kinda set me off seeing as she doesn't know my mother nor has she done 1% of what my own mother has done. She was just a delusional, bipolar witch who annoyed me to no end.

[Wize2B]

Re: Dad's girlfriend.

Wow, thanks Rushyrulz, that makes me feel better! It sounds like your situation was the same as mine is and it helps to know that others feel the same way that I do, correct me if I am wrong.

Your dad’s girlfriend was actually very nice to you and did nice things for you, but you just did not want her around and could not put your finger on it. And, since you could not put your finger on it, it started to eat away at you. Is that what happen to you? It is what is happening to me.

I am at the point now, that I just try to do things that irritate her, but I do not do it when my dad is around. Did you ever do that?

[Koolmaster242]

Re: Dad's girlfriend.

Well unlike most will read this, but I understand most of these cases, and I, have my own issues, I'm going to leave this short :
My mom was a movie perfect mom, and so was my family, dad worked, came home from school, dinner was cooked everything.
Then we moved.
Money got tight, parents fought, dad had to leave for a few months, mom worked her ass off.
Then I learned my parents are drug addicts.
The last 3 years of my life my mom has been leaving for months and then coming home for a week.
I don't normally ask for help, but my dad WILL NOT leave my mom, even thought she's driven him crazy and into becoming a drunk.
Any suggestions? Btw, congrats Rushy on your happy after with your dad's gf problems c:

[rushyrulz]

Re: Dad's girlfriend.

Your dad’s girlfriend was actually very nice to you and did nice things for you, but you just did not want her around and could not put your finger on it. And, since you could not put your finger on it, it started to eat away at you. Is that what happen to you? It is what is happening to me.

yes

I am at the point now, that I just try to do things that irritate her, but I do not do it when my dad is around. Did you ever do that?

no

[welsh_girl]

Re: Dad's girlfriend.

My Mum are Dad are still together after 27 years and married 14.

Good job really, I know I'd be the one to cause problems with a step-parent. I would automatically dislike them and refuse to let them have any contact with my Daughter which I could only assume would cause hell.

[Reincarnate]

Re: Dad's girlfriend.

I haven't been back "home" in years. I don't maintain much contact with anyone in my family because most of them are very immature, ignorant, selfish, abusive, dishonest people. I can't count the number of times I've tried to "reconnect" with my family only to find that they're beyond reason and probably never going to change. After my father died, my mother hooked up with this much-older retired/wealthy sugar-daddy who was probably one of the most unpleasant people I've ever had the misfortune of dealing with. I just stay away from all that bs now.

It's very lonely, in all honesty... but I've got a new life out here and I'm happy with it. But it's an incomplete happiness. At the end of the day, we all want a stable family, we all want someone just a phonecall away who we can confide in, and we all want a place to call "home." Not having any of that is a bit alienating, no matter how many friends I have, where I live, or what I choose to do in life.

But still, you have to preserve your own sanity. IMO, you're better off separating yourself from toxic people, because most of them are just impossible to reason with no matter what. I was lucky enough to recognize absurdity early on in life, and steering clear of it has enabled me to do great things (top grades, the best schools, fantastic employment opportunities, a wonderful circle of friends, a stellar place to live, an amazing girlfriend, etc -- things you can't get if you're a nutcase).

Respect is never automatic. It's something you earn, and it's something you can lose. If a new stepparent is going to make selfish, inconsiderate decisions, then I will lose respect for them no matter who they are. Can we forgive those follies? Sometimes. Forgiveness is a funny thing. Forgiving mistakes is easier. Nobody's perfect, and sometimes things don't turn out as planned even if our intentions were good. Forgiving outright malice is much harder for me, and I rarely forgive it -- especially if it's unjustified malice or highly destructive malice.

Anyways, keep close those who make life better, and reject those who either want to hurt you or get ahead at your expense. You can't -- and shouldn't -- respect/please everyone. But that doesn't mean you should show undue disrespect to people, either. It's all about making reasonable, rational decisions.

[Vanilla Mnm]

Re: Dad's girlfriend.

Vanilla MnM
PLEASE, TELL ME YOU ARE JOKING!

Do you think I am joking?

[Wize2B]

Re: Dad's girlfriend.

Sorry for the delay in the reply, I was gone all day yesterday.

Kookmaster242
I am sorry to hear about your parents. It sounds like they need counseling for drug and alcohol addiction. There are support groups for children with parents that have alcohol and drug addiction here in the states. You might want to look into it where you are. Here is a link to one that I found. http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Famil.../support-group I hope this helps.

Rushyrulz
Thanks for all your comments, I appreciate your honesty and input. After reading the posts by welch_girl and Reincarnate, I started to look at things from another perspective than the one that we are coming from. Even though you did not do small things on purpose to irritate your dad’s girlfriend, I wonder if just the fact that you made a decision not to like her caused your true feelings to came across in your reactions, weather you meant them to or not. I wonder if she could sense the fact that you did not like her; I am starting to think that my dad’s girlfriend can. Also, I think that part of my problem is that I hear my mom say bad things about my dad’s girlfriend. I do not know if your mom did that or not Rushyrulz, you have not said. Anyway, starting to think different and thanks again for all your comments.

Welsh_girl
You made me think due to the fact that you do not have a stepparent and know that you would not like them, without giving them a chance. Maybe it is just human instinct to not like a stepparent. So, if I think like this, it is not anything that my dad’s girlfriend is doing wrong, it is just the fact that she is dating my dad.

Reincarnate
That was very powerful and you made me rethink my position and how I want to react. You are right, family is very important. I do love my dad, he has been nothing but good to me and he deserves to be happy, especially since the divorce. Actually, as I said before, my dad’s girlfriend has only been nice to me. She has supported me in things that I do and, she has made an effort to make me feel like I belong and that she wants me around. I am sure that my dad would have only chose a girlfriend like this. I do not think that he would have chose a girlfriend that just wanted to ignore me and make me feel like she wished I did not exist. Like I said above, due to welsh_girls comment, I think that I was just deciding not to like her for the simple fact that she was my dad’s girlfriend and was not even trying to give her a chance. I guess, sooner or later my dad is going to have a girlfriend. I guess it is better to try and like this one, especially since she is good to me; the next one could really not like me and do mean things on purpose.

Vanilla_Mnm
To answer your question, I am just going to say yes and dropping it.

[Reincarnate]

Re: Dad's girlfriend.

Wize2B:

I think the most important thing you can do is put yourself in someone else's shoes and try to empathize. Divorce can be difficult, but eventually people do remarry. It's not always out of malice -- they just want to be happy, and they want to be with people they love and are compatible with. You're not obligated to like the stepparent, but there's no reason to be disrespectful towards them unless they are doing something worthy of disrespect. Stepparents are in the adversarial position of coming into a new (and previously established) family, and so there's always going to be a bit of skepticism and possibly anger at first.

But if they're good to you, then I think that's all you can really ask for. This is different from my situation, where the stepparent is not really a parental figure at all, but an outright sleazebag with no real intention of joining a family. Rather, it's just the act of selfishly taking advantage of a person that had just experienced a massive trauma. His rudeness towards me and my brother... inexcusable. His treatment of my mother... manipulative but outwardly "loving" to her (but her alone). It's like brainwashing. Encouraged her to drink, encouraged her to shut out her kids, encouraged her to lie, told her how to manage her money, etc... all for selfish gain. That's the sort of person not worthy of being called a "stepparent" -- not someone who is new to the family and actively trying to be kind, fit in, and show genuine support.