life story thread

[Svaz]

Re: life story thread

i half feel like your entire goal of this thread is to feel better about yourself on account of it being a thread by you but what do i know

pretty unwarranted given that she wants to hear other people talk about themselves. it's hard to completely remove ego at all in a post, especially in a thread like this, but to say it's some ego boost to learn about other people is a stretch at the very least.

lol profile is closed, hmmmMmMmMMmMm I wonder why

It's not for why you're implying, I'm pretty sure at least, and honestly I'd do the same in that position.

Also, I get that Dingles basically seethes with disparaging statements in any non-stepmans post (likely myself included given that I've played TWG, perhaps even for this very post), but that's not a reason to say things like "your presence is unneeded and unwanted;" he's another person at a computer too, and he has friends here just like anyone else does. Being rude to someone being rude is only going to serve as justification to continue on like that.

Anyway, RE: thread.
I feel like I've been around a lot of pretty poignant historic events in my 30ish years; I'll just gloss over most of it and identify highlights. It got more lengthier than intended, feel free to check the spoiler.

I was born when the Berlin Wall was still up, in Frankfurt, Germany. I was too young to go myself, but my parents took a visit to Berlin in November, which terrifyingly coincided with the wall being taken down. They had to make checkpoints during an evacuation under threat of getting shot. They made it back, and we later moved back to the US for my dad's job (the military) and I proceeded to move a lot during childhood, just 3 times in the US, where I finished the brunt of my elementary school. I was a bright student and got put into a gifted program (didn't last, disintegrated after I got off ADD meds and went through some times), where I was selected as a representative of my school. I shook then Vice President Al Gore's hand at an assembly. A little after this, I moved out of the states to Uxbridge, England, where Winston Churchill used to have a bunker. I took a few tours of it.

It was around this time my parents began to split, a rift I had a weirdly prophetic dream of, around age 7, but that dream probably came off childish "spot the difference" scenarios at friend's houses with their parents and mine. Those observations were likely compounded by my mother's compulsion to drink whole bottles of wine and smoke cigarettes alone on the patio in evenings. My mom did not move to England with my dad and brother and I. The most prominent experience I remember is going to the Isle of Wight for a weeklong class trip and learning about cousinfucker Queen Victoria, and turning 12 there.

After that we lived with my mom in SoCal, then bumfuck Tennessee, then SoCal again and it was generally a weird experience of cohabitation with my mom's high school boyfriends. It got pretty bad, not much because of them, but because of her drunken bouts, and I tried my best to be her most vocal opposition. Eventually, myself, my brother, and even the children of her last boyfriend were all temporarily foster kids while the CPS did an investigation on her, my dad, and her boyfriend at the time. It's a really strange part of my life that I can't always piece together accurately, but I guess this is pretty common when living or closely dealing with an abuser. My last vision of my mom before graduating high school was her holed up in a psychiatric unit after her most recent suicide attempt.

(I guess I can touch on this briefly, I've seen her a few times since but it always ends badly. I've since kept my newest number from her, and wish her a happy birthday, a merry Christmas, and a happy new year. Any information I give with her she manipulates, and picking away at the rose-tinted saran wrap you put over bad things about people you love reveals some very big truths. It's hard, but not impossible to progress past biological ties. This year I've been getting back in touch with her siblings and mom and it's been pretty good.)

We got ready to go to Germany again with my dad. I was pretty excited to come "full circle" as it were. That Christmas was still one of the best ones of my life, finally getting there, and getting our passports, and being done with that chapter of tribulations.

I graduated high school inconsequentially. A couple of years after that I joined here, and the rest I've probably overshared already. I think there are a few parts I didn't cover at all, after stopping my presence here in 2015? and then returning at the beginning of this year for a simple TWG. The block function is free if this re-emergence bothers you, though. Please feel free to use it.

Shortly, though, I was in the military for a while, the most interesting thing was being in Seoul when president Park got impeached, and President Moon-Jae In won after making a pretty aggressive campaign in StarCraft II. I got out of active in Colorado Springs, Colorado, which is where I lived when a significant event happened where I live now: Charlottesville, VA.

Here, a statue of a Robert E. Lee, a Confederate key player still stands, no longer covered in a plastic wrap, but protected by a hideous orange picket fence and no trespassing signs. A few blocks away is an ongoing memorial to the woman that died to vehicular manslaughter on a pedestrian mall. It's a really strange duality to consider. It does, however illustrate well the political climate of the US overall today; otherizing, free speech, and an ongoing oppressive history, but perhaps I'm waxing poetic about it.

Other than that, I'm pretty okay with life but I want to progress professionally someday. I want to help make the world a better place as unobtrusively as possible.

I wanted to say this outside of the spoiler; I've made some incredible connections with people through FFR. I've always found that I can connect more easily and genuinely with people I've met through the internet, and getting through a life of constantly moving would have been a lot lonelier without a community like this, even if I'm not here for the base content. So thanks, everyone, for still being here and sticking around. I mean it. o/

[Svaz]

Re: life story thread

I'll follow this post up with everything that happened after I left the military in 2011 but if you guys have questions, I'll answer em, fuck it.

weird that we both have shit relations with a parent and also enlisted, it's almost like the military preys on a certain kind of personality :thinking:

I wanna hear what it's like to be really, actually done with the military, tell us about it tbh, also I missed you being here nice to have you back with us etc

[Moria]

Re: life story thread

Also, I get that Dingles basically seethes with disparaging statements in any non-stepmans post (likely myself included given that I've played TWG, perhaps even for this very post), but that's not a reason to say things like "your presence is unneeded and unwanted;" he's another person at a computer too, and he has friends here just like anyone else does. Being rude to someone being rude is only going to serve as justification to continue on like that.

Aye. I'm quite drunk so im lacking any ability to sugar coat. Everything you said was morally absolute but contextually dingles can be insufferable at times. I love dingles, I absolutely do. But it hurts me more than anything to see him constantly pariah himself by indulging the inner-narcissist. Dingles is so fucking cool, and he has such a personality that literally anybody could love, but I think he's actually aware of it to the point where he loves it before he gives others the chance to love it. and that hurts. We don't want to put him down, we just don't wan't to see him put himself on a pedestal at the expense of others.

[Moria]

Re: life story thread

Dingles motherfucker you are reading this right now, calm your shit and just be humble for fucks sake

[Dynam0]

Re: life story thread

so when I was born, my biological dad peaced out and left my mom stranded. she quickly met and married my first stepdad, whom she had another son with, my bro ryan. he was a burgeoning bodybuilder and was heavy into steroid use, so he used to beat my mom and myself, would never touch ryan tho because I guess because he was his own flesh and blood and I wasn't???

anyway, during third grade she finally had enough and got a divorce, I still remember the day that my step-dad pulled my brother and I out of school to give us the news. I was out of the house pretty quickly after that day, but would still go back to the step-dad's house to stay with my brother after joint custody was figured out. beating continued, morale did not improve.

mom met another dude, derek, who became my second step-dad when I was in middle school or so. he was a martial artist, and would also get physical in a sense, but I have never deemed it to be abuse, as it was measured and never came from anger. it was never shit like getting thrown across the house like with step-dad #1, it was more showing us where certain pressure points were. whatever this isn't important lol.

derek had three daughters from another marriage, I don't consider them to be actual sisters anymore really, we hardly talk and I'm certain that they dislike me but whatever.

so when I was 12, I finally met my biological father and all of my issues kinda clicked when I met him, like I knew why I was so fucked up and it was primarily genetic shit that came from him.

my mom and derek both had pretty good careers and we were staunchly middle class until my mom had a tumor which absolutely destroyed the family and left us bankrupt. this was during high school, which made my experience measurably worse.

I'll fast forward to 17 when I joined the military. joined the army, went to boot camp during summer of '08, came back to finish senior year, dropped out because it was a culture shock. not only did I come back from boot camp with like infinite more discipline, but I also went to yet another fucking school.

when I dropped out, I went to advanced training, came back to do my national guard shit, thought the national guard was the dumbest shit ever so I went active, figured out that active duty sucked too and eventually ended up attempting suicide, getting honorably discharged.

I'll follow this post up with everything that happened after I left the military in 2011 but if you guys have questions, I'll answer em, fuck it.

Damn, as much as you say the military sucked it seems like it was the only order you had in your life up until that point. Of late the last I heard you seemed to be making progress with career goals and what-not, have things turned around?

My life condensed:
-Grew up in upper-middle class family, babied through life, great parents
-Become socially awkward teen, resort to being class clown and drunken fool
-Go away to college, took science as it was my best grade in high school, drunken antics continue but unchecked as live with peers
-Graduate, no idea what do with chem degree
-Go to teacher's college, find out I can't stand dealing with little jerks like I was once in school, have no passion for teaching
-Drinking issues continue, end up in trouble with the po-lice for it
-Quit drinking for a year, then become recluse / nervous to socialize, all my friends are drunks too
-Get my current job in insurance, things looking good, still living at home and saving $$$
-Get a house, start working out and feeling confident again
-Decide to go out with a buddy of mine, much fun / would do again etc.
-Continue going out to bars every weekend, introduced to mdma / coke
-Told myself this would just be for 1 year while I'm still "young" at 28
-Right when my buddy and I were about to quit, meet ex-gf who is also into partying
-Partying continues, eventually I start getting anxiety attacks thinking something's wrong with heart
-Nothing wrong with heart, but know I need to quit as losing my mind
-Break up with gf as that's all she wants to do
-Find out 2 wks later ex-gf is now a stripper, I feel partially responsible because I had turned her life around when I met her (if you believe it)
-Occasionally still see crazy stripper ex-gf, one evening she is freaking out and wants me to pick her up from work
-I decide pick her up, she ends up having a meltdown, wants to just leave my house by herself late at night all messed up. I decide to stop her at the door and hold her down until she calms down.
-Backfires and ex goes completely apeshit, I let go and don't know what else to do
-Ex runs off and calls police
-Get criminal charges (again), still ongoing
-Now 30, still going out every weekend shoving $100 up my nose and imbibing another $50, still getting anxiety
-Recently obtained Xanax through a friend, helps my anxiety so much
-Started running again, feeling like I'm turning things around
-To be continued...?

Oh shit on a positive note my sister had her first child, so I'm an uncle

[Svaz]

Re: life story thread

in one breath it's really nice to not be yelled at constantly for being a fuck up with mental health issues, and there's much less of a mental health stigma outside of the military, but in another breath not a single day goes by in which i regret not sucking it up and deploying. I left a few months before my unit deployed, two people ended up dying overseas and I've lost a few friends to suicide since then, it feels like I let them die and considering how frustratingly sideways my career has been up until last year I feel like I really should have been the one to die overseas

edit: i'll post more when i'm not at work

I guess I should spoiler my response too idk

one thing that really fucks me up re: the military & mental health that they have all of those bullshit "seeking help is a sign of strength" campaigns and it's an e8 saying so, which I guess is supposed to tell you "wow it even affects successful people" but realistically they won't let someone go with a storied career. it's a different story when you're e4 mafia or something and easily disposable. not to mention inpatient psych admission is an immediate barrier to tight shit like SF or Ranger etc, takes away clearances, things that can limit or eliminate any career path in the military so I don't get why they make campaigns like that when the policies in place directly contradict the statement

I can't speak to a real deployment because I only ever "deployed" to somewhere safe and I didn't even interact with the local forces, just aussies and brits, but I saw more than one other medic get really fucked up after having some people die on him after his. it's really nobody's fault other than the people that send you there. even attached to "safer" MOSes I've had people I know die in the b's and after from suicide. no matter how many you hear of, that news never gets easier. someone from my last active duty squad killed himself last year and left behind his wife and toddler, it's heartbreaking to think about

[Funnygurl555]

Re: life story thread

i'll post mine

i was born in toronto and lived with my parents and two older bros (they're twins). we moved to windsor, on when i was 1. we stayed there 'til i was a week from 8. we moved to massachusetts for 8 months then lived in the uae for a year. after that we moved to mn, which is where i grew up, essentially. my parents and older sisters (who we didn't live with) were from somalia, so i had the typical strict immigrant family thing going on.

growing up was fairly peaceful, barring the moving around for a bit. my parents stayed together. my mom worked as a nurse so we were raised in a middle class household. my mom had to work a ton of extra hours and was underpaid for her job though, but she had to stay there until we had green cards (we got that in dec 2013) or else we'd have to leave the country. so growing up i saw my mom struggling with her job. because of that i'm a really, really frugal person.

i had a decent relationship with my bros (or so i thought), and we were practically inseparable growing up. that was good because we were bullied a whole bunch growing up, for a variety of different reasons. for me, however, it was being a fat kid and then being weird. so, i never had friends, or real ones. the bullying continued until i finished middle school. i kept getting picked on more for sticking up for other kids, so i lost faith in people and wanted to keep to myself

i did really well in school always. i did grades 3 and 4 in the same year, so i was a year ahead. in the 7th grade, i started an accelerated math program, so i could finish multivariable calculus in the 11th grade. in high school, i was the 3rd in my class of ~500, and i got a perfect act score.

i started struggling with mental health in the 8th grade. i hated going to school once it hit. i'd miss often, but most of the times i missed i got my dad to call me in sick. on the days he didn't though, i'd have to go to detention . i tried to bring it to the attention of my parents, but they didn't believe in mental illness and told me to suck it up. i got into princeton my senior spring. for a few days i was elated, but after that i broke. my parents had to get me help. i was diagnosed with depression and social anxiety.

my parents were ashamed of me despite otherwise being a perfect kid, so i was disillusioned with living up to my family's cultural ideals. i also stopped believing in religion when i was 16 (i was muslim) after struggling with faith for 3 years.

college was a huge adjustment, and it was hard at first. school was hard for the first semester, and i was really shy and struggled to make friends. i began dating someone in my hall shortly after freshman year began, which was nice for a hot minute. then i learned that he spread rumors about me, and that was how my string of bad relationships began. i started improv right when i started college, but halfway through the year i started getting socially involved with them. they were my first friends. i milked princeton's resources to go to asia during my summers, so i had awesome times when i wasn't in school. sophomore spring i got out of my shell a bit and started partying more, and i had the typical experience of experimenting with drugs (weed, shrooms, acid). booze was my preferred drug though.

in my junior year, i started struggling with my mental health again, and i was faced with taking a medical leave of absence. i was about to do it, and even signed the paperwork, but then i decided against it because i had a feeling that i was finally gonna fit in in school (great reason, i know). i was in a psych ward during winter break (which was the worst experience of my life), but i was discharged and continue school. so i struggled through it and got shit grades, and i was right. i met jess my junior spring, and we became buds

the summer before my senior year, my brother bought me ice cream and sat me down to tell me that he hated me for most of my life. i was in shock, and i told him to get help.

i had short struggles with my mental illness from then on, but it wasn't as bad. then 2018 started and my life combusted, which i went into detail about in the past. but tl;dr: dated a rapist and eventually didn't believe the victim. probably the worst thing i ever did in my life. shortly after my ex was found responsible, i graduated from college, and my brother tried to kill me. i was in shock for the summer after (and even after that, although it wasn't as bad). i moved to texas to start my first job. started another bad relationship. hated my job. applied to medical schools (and ultimately didn't get in). i became really depressed and an alcoholic, so i had to get treatment and go home to minnesota. i'm estranged from my family because they didn't side with me on my situation with my brother

gonna get 3 months clean on the 1st. i live in a sober house and my parents don't know where i live. i'll be a us citizen on the 4th.

edit: my dad had a heart attack in jan 2018 too (on my birthday x.x). so that was the kickoff of my life combusting really. after that, i swore to myself that i'd live in minnesota again. and... well... i did it!

[MixMasterLar]

Re: life story thread

Sorry about this Eaman but real talk

Dingles is fine and Choof is just being a flaming asshat every thread he gets into. I'm ashamed no one is mentioning this yet or even pointed out that none of what choof said a page back belongs in this thread.

I don't know why people think letting Choof run loose in the forums is such a good idea but I know thhey have a bad reason for it.

[Funnygurl555]

Re: life story thread

Sorry about this Eaman but real talk

Dingles is fine and Choof is just being a flaming asshat every thread he gets into. I'm ashamed no one is mentioning this yet or even pointed out that none of what choof said a page back belongs in this thread.

I don't know why people think letting Choof run loose in the forums is such a good idea but I know thhey have a bad reason for it.

i see this as one person having a match and another person having gasoline. they make fire, but i don't see the point in putting it out 'cause they still got matches and gasoline and wanna make a fire, if that makes sense

[choof]

Re: life story thread

I don't know why people think letting Choof run loose in the forums is such a good idea but I know thhey have a bad reason for it.

sorry my bad I'll drop off the planet like I did for a year if it'll appease ya

[MixMasterLar]

Re: life story thread

i see this as one person having a match and another person having gasoline. they make fire, but i don't see the point in putting it out 'cause they still got matches and gasoline and wanna make a fire, if that makes sense

All that does is say that you support having the fire.

sorry my bad I'll drop off the planet like I did for a year if it'll appease ya

If That's all you're gonna get outta this then bye I guess

[TC_Halogen]

Re: life story thread

Sorry about this Eaman but real talk

Dingles is fine and Choof is just being a flaming asshat every thread he gets into. I'm ashamed no one is mentioning this yet or even pointed out that none of what choof said a page back belongs in this thread.

I don't know why people think letting Choof run loose in the forums is such a good idea but I know thhey have a bad reason for it.

The fact that you cited choof as a "flaming asshat" and dingles as fine within the context of this thread is ridiculous. He went after dingles for targeting the OP of the thread in a completely unnecessary and emotionally harmful way.

[MixMasterLar]

Re: life story thread

The fact that you cited choof as a "flaming asshat" and dingles as fine within the context of this thread is ridiculous. He went after dingles for targeting the OP of the thread in a completely unnecessary and emotionally harmful way.

Choof's behavior extends well beyond the context of this thread but if you wanna go that route for the sake of argument then no, Dingles being a bit of a prick about Funny's intentions with the thread is not equal to what Choof was saying.

[choof]

Re: life story thread

The fact that you cited choof as a "flaming asshat" and dingles as fine within the context of this thread is ridiculous. He went after dingles for targeting the OP of the thread in a completely unnecessary and emotionally harmful way.

nah he's right I'm problematic and have no right to be a member of the community
requesting permaban, I'll stay gone this time, thanks

[Gradiant]

Re: life story thread

nah he's right I'm problematic and have no right to be a member of the community
requesting permaban, I'll stay gone this time, thanks

Please don't, just screw both of em