again

[MixMasterLar]

Re: again

i found out my normal appointment to see my therapist today was unable to be made because he was booked so I am holding off going anywhere until tomorrow. I was going to ask him what he thought.

Ok, keep us informed. If he stays book what is your back up location?

one should try to validate another's suicidal thoughts, not repress them.

Not even Rapta validates those thoughts, hence why he is asking for advice.

It's ok to acknowledge it happens and that you are not necessary a broken mess f you have them, because that's probably true.

What I see in all of the threads like these are "don't kill urself u have so much to live for". Yes, the intentions are good. No, I don't believe that the person in question should try to commit suicide. But what some of that message sends is the notion that one completely block his/her bad thoughts off -- which cannot be done without incurring an enormous amount of willpower, which is hardly what someone with depression has.

I believe when he find the right course he'll have more then enough willpower to see it through.

I've seen it happen many times

[Azpb Djbread]

Re: again

I'm so sorry it got to this point, Rapta... If there was any genuine way to physically and mentally help you, i would guarantee the vast majority, if not; all of us would try to help you in any way or form. Please don't do anything you would regret, you are needed.

[bmah]

Re: again

Look, Rapta, it's okay if you have thoughts of killing yourself, and it's okay if you've attempted suicide before. It's natural. It's how some of us cope with extreme/prolonged stress. You're not alone in those feelings.

From this post, it seems like you're simply just telling Rapta not to feel singled out - which is great, but that's all I got out of this post.

aarrrgghh am I not being clear enough
my bad

Here's what I'm trying to say: understand the feelings that lead to suicidal thoughts. (or at least try to understand if you've never had them yourself) I am not trying to condone suicide. I am trying to say that repression is unhealthy, and that one should try to come to terms with and accept his/her own thoughts, no matter how extreme.

What I see in all of the threads like these are "don't kill urself u have so much to live for". Yes, the intentions are good. No, I don't believe that the person in question should try to commit suicide. But what some of that message sends is the notion that one completely block his/her bad thoughts off -- which cannot be done without incurring an enormous amount of willpower, which is hardly what someone with depression has.

I hope that clarified some of my thoughts, because I think a lot of you are misreading what I have to say.

There's a lot of misunderstandings about clinical depression, often difficult to describe unless one actually experiences them, but I think most people here have seen enough related threads to realize that it's not as simple as convincing oneself to "stop feeling depressed." Much of the misunderstandings seem to come from people thinking that it's all a matter of changing your mindset and decision-making, when really much of it is biologically controlled from chemical imbalances in the brain.

---

Everyone handles depression differently it seems, and it especially varies depending on the severity and symptoms said person has. From one person I talked to, it was described to me as a constantly changing flux of highs and lows: one day, he might feel incredibly motivated, while other days (the majority), he physically has so little energy to accomplish anything throughout the day. Which goes to show how physically involved depression can be, not just mentally. Overall, due to the complexities of depression, I still really recommend seeing a good therapist, and it sounds like Rapta hasn't found a competent one yet. All I have heard so far is ignorance or mistreatment from both his parents and past therapist(s)/hotline help:

My parents said they don't want to deal with any drama of having a bunch of people involved, else i cant live there anymore because she 'physically cant handle it'. she is very inhibiting of who i can talk to and what i can say about how i feel

Last time I went to the hospital they sent me to a place where they told me "everything is fine" for two weeks, gave me medications, and sent me off with an ambulance bill of 3000 dollars (just for transport).

[Soul Evans]

Re: again

Is it possible these thoughts you have are because you have a heavy dislike towards what environment you're living/ or the family/people around you? or is it because some have a dislike towards you that you feel very badly of?

[Dynam0]

Re: again

You've already convinced yourself that your own life doesn't matter so extend that thought to other people's lives, what makes them more special than you? Some people are good at making it seem like they're important but really we're all struggling to find purpose (even fuccen monks have no idea what their purpose is and they spend their entire lives grasping at spiritual bs).

The world is a joke just take what you can from it, everyone here will be reduced to dead internet profiles and digital replicas in 100 years. Ending it prematurely is just a waste of lulz! Totally your choice though, best of luck

[Rapta]

Re: again

Ok, keep us informed. If he stays book what is your back up location?

He stayed booked and there is no backup location. I have to wait until next week and not sure what ill do.

[Ylvis Sanyo]

Re: again

I am trouble with schoolwork lately. A LOT of trouble understanding the text in front of my face on the computers when doing work. This is not like me. Usually I easily understand every subject (except math) and complete my lessons in exceptional time. Lately (it's not the class difficulty, it's similar stuff to what I've learned before) I get stuck in my work unable to progress which leads me to ruminating thoughts about my life. Basically I can play chess and distract myself but when I try to distract myself with school work I don't understand a thing. I think I might have Monophobia along with my social anxiety. Feeling alone while stuck on this work that I should know how to figure out, even when a teacher explains something to me it just doesn't register I'min brain anymore! I'm stuck sitting in class contemplating about why I'm depressed with bad pain in my heart. My parents told me not to go talk to the counselors because I need to focus on my schoolwork, and even when i was doing it I'm secret, when I was honest to them, they tried to get me to go to the DR that night but we ended up not going because my parents didn't want to deal with it AND now that I'm 18 I would be out in the adult ward of where they sent me last time and that scared me, still does.

And that's just when I'm at school.
Gonna go now because im texting outside and it's cold af and I'm waiting for my dad to come get me because I couldn't take the pain of being in class again.

[MixMasterLar]

Re: again

You're going to have to just stop listening to your parents on this, bro.

If you need to take some time away from school then so be it. You're health is better then your grades

[Cavernio]

Re: again

Don't accept your parents' words and rules as truths, they're just ordinary people.

[pokelda]

Re: again

My parents said i call any hotlines or cause any drama (ex. Telling my therapist I feel suicidal, causing him to make me go to the hospital) I wont be allowed to live at Home anymore

What else can i do

Call your therapist, tell him your situation in regards to your parents. Do this as soon as you are able to. If it was your therapist that recommended going to the adult ward and you feel like it was ineffective/detrimental to your health, you may need to find a new therapist that is more suited for you.

[TrixiePuff]

Re: again

Wrong is subjective. As someone who is often suicidal, has attempted suicide, and been in the hospital for longer than preferable stays due to suicidal behavior [couple weeks - month], simply being told "you're not alone in those feelings" isn't the answer for everyone. If I were being honest, I'd tell you how much i strongly dislike hearing that.

However, this thread is not about me--so if that is what is helpful for Rapta, indeed, by all means, help him understand that he's not alone. I do not deny the validity or truth behind the statement, yet for some it is more helpful than for others.

No need to be all rainbows and daisies, but as I said before, "wrong" is subjective [except for scintill in this thread, heh].

Those who have struggled similarly may offer what has helped personally for them in the past. People who haven't directly dealt with such situations may offer what seems most logical. It's all a crapshoot. My advice isn't necessarily "right" ~ nor is the next guy's. Taking a high and mighty stance over the lack of validity of everyone's advice [except your own] is dodgy.

This.

Also Rapta if you ever need to talk to someone or just vent my skype is TrixiePuffs.

I've been in your shoes for the most part with parents not wanting to "deal" with how you feel and threatening you when you want to seek help. So perhaps I'd be some sort of help in that aspect.