random poem, tell me if its good?

[gattsta]

this is just something i made up, tell me if its good or not please.

with the blink of an eye,
with the beat of a heart,
things can all end,
as quick as they start.

she had to leave,
when i was so young,
that day was so feared,
why my mom.

life goes on,
and so should I,
it's something to do,
it's something to try.

to see her in there,
just made me so sad,
but it was all easier,
because i had my dad.

[shatteredgravity]

Re: random poem, tell me if its good?

some of the lines are definitely well thought out, and the topic of the poem is definitely poetry-worthy ^^ nice job -- you should probably keep this up

[Tokzic]

Re: random poem, tell me if its good?

Pretty good; lines are simple but effective, rhyme scheme isn't forced at all. The rhythm could use some fixing though, it's rather inconsistant.

[gattsta]

Re: random poem, tell me if its good?

thanks for the good comments....lol and if someone can guess the topic, like the exact reason i will give u 150 credits

[Snowcrafta]

Re: random poem, tell me if its good?

There's no real flow or feeling to it - it sounds like you were just having a ****ty day and wrote some things down that rhymed.

Give up poetry

[Infinity^]

Re: random poem, tell me if its good?

There's no real flow or feeling to it - it sounds like you were just having a ****ty day and wrote some things down that rhymed.

Give up poetry

very subtle advice.


it wasnt that bad of a poem gattsta, dont listen to this.

also the topic is, your mom left you.

[Snowcrafta]

Re: random poem, tell me if its good?

eat a dick ******

[gattsta]

Re: random poem, tell me if its good?

nope your wrong, its not that my mom left me, close but not exactly it... and why critisize me i no im not the best but jeeze

[Snowcrafta]

Re: random poem, tell me if its good?

You ASKED if it was good. You left the topic open to say that you sucked, but were hoping that everyone would be like "Oh my, I can just feel his inner agony and the darkness of his soul"

[gattsta]

Re: random poem, tell me if its good?

nooo...i just put it up here cuz some ppl in my school thought it was good, so chill with the nasty comments like common your dissing a 14 year old

[Snowcrafta]

Re: random poem, tell me if its good?

No, I'm teaching you a god damn lesson: Just because your friends think it's cool doesn't mean there's people out there that think you're a complete ****** for thinking it was.

[YoshiSlayer]

Re: random poem, tell me if its good?

snowcrafta, wow u must have low self esteem if u need to rip on ppl online, i hope u die tonight when u slit ur wrists


but anyway, very nice poem, i liked it, keep it up

[Snowcrafta]

Re: random poem, tell me if its good?

ya i have low self esteem brb taking ur advice LMFAO NOT GO EAT A DICK EMO KID

[Wootsicle]

Re: random poem, tell me if its good?

You ASKED if it was good. You left the topic open to say that you sucked, but were hoping that everyone would be like "Oh my, I can just feel his inner agony and the darkness of his soul"

He asked if it was good, he didn't ask if you cared whether he should quit poetry or get better.
Just answer the damn question and don't be a dick about it, there's no need to try to get everyone in a thread to flame you for being an asshole to someone asking for advice.



And for the poem, did your mother go to jail?
I thought the poem was alright, but it needed a bit more flow to it. But I do agree, none of it seemed forced, which is essential in poetry.

[Snowcrafta]

Re: random poem, tell me if its good?

He asked if it was good, he didn't ask if you cared whether he should quit poetry or get better.
Just answer the damn question and don't be a dick about it, there's no need to try to get everyone in a thread to flame you for being an asshole to someone asking for advice.

Maybe if I wasn't such a ****** like you I'd be able to understand your "Hey let's all get along jolly ranchers gummy bears and RAINBOWS FOR ALL!"