Cheating in Relationships

[richhhhhard]

Re: Cheating in Relationships

Basically it all boils down to human nature and the flaws associated with that, and each individuals means for justifying their behavior towards the different aspects within their relationship. I don't think it's fair for anyone to say that I “love” or respect someone less because we openly have sex with other people and are aware. Certain guidelines are set within your own relationship and it is between the couple to fully understand them.

I definitely agree. Each individual relationship will be much different than any other. That statement could be made about anything though. Each individual must find justification for all of their behavior in life. It is the same for behavior in a relationship.

No it's not right to hurt them, just because they hurt you. That's kiddy stuff. You see it in movies a lot, though. The person cheats ends up getting shot by their partner, or something. >_> It's hard to say what's going on in their mind, but I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that it's a selfish act.

And dude, if she wants to be happy and UNfaithful, that's fine with me. It's not like she's the only girl in the world. And sure I love her, but I'd rather be with someone who loves me back, enough to be happy AND faithful with me.

It does happen a lot, it is kind of sad. I guess getting cheated on is kind of sad too though. I would jump to that conclusion though, cause what act is NOT selfish?

I would rather be with someone that was happy AND faithful too, I was just saying given the choice... But we just can't always choose everything in life. I would like to be a millionaire rapping astronaut, but sadly my dream will never come true. Sometimes we just have to make the best out of what we do have I think.

[Lamoc]

Re: Cheating in Relationships

well the leading cause of divorces is marriage.

That being said, no one should ever cheat or be "unfaithful" to anyone. There's no excuse either way. Even if your bf and gf or w/e you are. If you're with someone, that's saying you have a commitment and you are with that person. You can't be commited to someone while sleeping with someone else.

[MrRubix]

Re: Cheating in Relationships

My question is, assuming that one marries for love, SHOULD you be upset about a spouse (or boyfriend or girlfriend) being unfaithful?

However, if you really love someone doesn't that mean that you always want them to be happy? If a physical connection, or the thrill and passion involved, makes that person happier, why would you want to keep them from that? Is there anything more than jealousy involved here?

I would say it all depends on the relationship. People often forget that there's no one right way to "have a relationship." It's entirely dependent upon the type of people involved and how they are compatible (or incompatible).

First off, it really depends on how you define cheating. I usually define it as either physical or emotional. Physical cheating = fooling around/kissing/having sex with someone else not in the relationship. Emotional cheating = Having stronger romantic feelings for someone else and sharing a greater level of emotional intimacy.

Now, you ask "shouldn't I always want them to be happy?" If I were in a relationship with a girl who felt that she would be happier with someone else, I'd rather she at least tell me so we could break up. She would be happier pursuing her own thing, and I would be able to find a greater level of happiness by finding someone who more closely shares my core views/values in relationships. For me to "condone" cheating as "something to make my partner happy" would make me unhappy because it would undermine the underlying intimacy in various aspects of the relationship, and that's something I wouldn't tolerate.

[Flaming_Dingleberry]

Re: Cheating in Relationships

Cheating in relationships is worse than cheating on a test.

That's how I feel about it.

[Cavernio]

Re: Cheating in Relationships

I wonder if people would be as hurt about people being unfaithful and cheating if polygamy were part of our culture.

[devonin]

Re: Cheating in Relationships

I think that the majority of people who cheat on someone either don't actually love the person they cheated on, or don't actually love the person they cheated with.

Polygamy would address neither of those issues. If the person was married to both, say, such that it wasn't "cheating" I suspect they would just cheat on them both with someone else.

I suspect, though correct me if your experience contradicts this, that most people who cheat are not cheating because what they really wish they had was a serious romantic relationship with all parties involved.

[kommisar[os]]

Re: Cheating in Relationships

psychologically, after being with a girl for sometime or depending on your attachment, you become used to her. used to having her for yourself. of course jealousy will ensue and create this sort of drama, but its nearly inevitable since we're posessive creatures by nature

[Frozen Beat]

Re: Cheating in Relationships

Not quite, sometimes it goes from confusion to uncomfort to hate.

There are also some maniacs with willpower to go against being controlled by natural urges.

[Nyokou]

Re: Cheating in Relationships

I know someone who has cheated on his wife more than once over the course of maybe 5 years and it's been 5 years since he last did it. I'm not entirely sure if his wife know, but I think she might cause she knows about his addiction to pornography, but they are still together. They have four children and they seem to be really happy together as a couple still, even though she jokes about divorcing him sometimes. However, I think she might get serious about it later on... but then again I don't think she wants to because she would definitely be alone. I know her husband also sincerely loves her. They've been together for 20 years now and he is really sensitive when it comes to being away from her almost all day because of work. I can't imagine how he would react if they got divorced and it would really suck for the kids too, but I definitely know they are not staying together just because of their children. He really loves her even though he cheated on her but she doesn't really love him in the same way.

Just thought I'd throw that into the conversation because I have a real different view on cheating. I guess to sum it up, I think some people just do it because of lust and not because they want to feel emotionally attached to someone else. Maybe it's because his wife is older and the women he was with were younger... Maybe he just wanted a way to relieve his lustful desires because his wife was always tired or never home or he wanted to try something different. I really can't explain it, and it bothers me.

[rqm]

Re: Cheating in Relationships

Girls with boyfriends, the ones i go for.

youre completely grimy and lack any sense of morality.

cheating is in my opinion one of the worst things you can do to your spouse or girl/boyfriend. i think its one of the worst things you could do period. a relationship, whether it be a childish high school deal or a serious commitment is just that - a commitment. if youre filthy and selfish enough to break that commitment than youre pretty low. ive never been cheated on, but ive heard from people who have that it hurts. cheating is basically telling the person that youre with that they arent good enough; that they arent satisfying. i try and avoid the type of people who would cheat.

[atalkingcow]

Re: Cheating in Relationships

I'm perfectly okay with cheating... so much that every relationship I've been in has been open. (Aka, sleep with whomever you want, just make sure i'm getting mine.)

It actually works out quite well, since most men who cheat want to feel like they don't have to follow your damned rules, but they won't get that same sense of "getting away with it" if its perfectly okay.
None of them have actually used the allowance to sleep with other people, fyi, and neither have I. Except of course in 3somes where my partner was involved too.


As an aside: This is Critical THINKING, not Critical Feeling.

[OnixRose]

Re: Cheating in Relationships

i try and avoid the type of people who would cheat.

Really hard to do imo regardless of how long or how well you "know" the person. At least with my experiences the girls I thought I knew turned out to be much more cavalier than they would have ever let on.

[atalkingcow]

Re: Cheating in Relationships

what i gather from that post is that youre a virgin who has never been in any meaningful relationship

Actually, I just got out of a relationship that had to end because he was being sent off to Europe by the navy. I'm not doing the long-distance ****, and neither was he.
For the person who asked, I say "partner" because whenever I say "my boyfriend" people go, "Wait... but... you is boy!" and then I have to hurt a puppy.

A relationship doesn't have to be monogamous for it to be meaningful, fyi. Your view of the world appears to be rather narrow.

And again, as an aside: Insulting me doesn't amount to a successful argument.

[krunkykai22]

Re: Cheating in Relationships

You don't have to be monogamous to be in love? What ****ing pyschotic boat did you fall from?

To be completely honest, if you love someone you should only want to be with them. Only want to share a love with them. Not with many partners. Thats TRUE LOVE. cheating is just ridiculous. People do it and the world goes on I get that. But saying you dont have to be monogamous in a relationship to love them is just pure stupidity.

[devonin]

Re: Cheating in Relationships

You don't have to be monogamous to be in love? What ****ing pyschotic boat did you fall from?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory