Thinking about suicide

[botchi246]

Re: Thinking about suicide

Hey homy, I am here for you. I can be that shoulder you need to lean on to get through this tough time.

[HeZe]

Re: Thinking about suicide

Rapta you are too good to die

[Rapta]

Re: Thinking about suicide

My mom came in with the laundry before I did it and we got into a huge fight. I'll never understand how something so coincidental happened (who does laundry at midnight?). After I add accepted death my body was going crazy. I was shaking a lot, my heart was beating incredibly fast, and I was breathing heavily. Before the argument my mother took my knife and after, I was exhausted from the experience and I feel asleep almost as soon as I laid in bed. I think it was an in the moment feeling caused by being depressed. I don't regret what I was about to do but I'm not glad I didn't do it either.
I stayed home today and I don't know what my parents have in mind, I haven't gotten out of bed yet.
Rhythm games are one of the three things that distract me from depression. Guitar is one and watching anime is one. previous thread

[MooMoo_Cowfreak]

Re: Thinking about suicide

Don't let your depression overwhelm you. Things seem terrible now, but you're better than that Rapta. Life won't continue this way forever.

[Izzy]

Re: Thinking about suicide

I originally started playing stepmania back in 2001 to get my mind off things. Kind of lame that you eventually become good enough to where you can start day dreaming while playing anyway.

I guess it would be a good idea to continue learning new things. Try new hobbies or whatever. Don't let yourself fall into an endless mundane schedule that doesn't require any thought.

[Candor]

Re: Thinking about suicide

With Virtual Reality coming so quickly, were approaching a golden age of gaming :C
It will be a shame to leave so early

[xomegaxweapon]

Re: Thinking about suicide

I know I said I pretty much stopped playing FFR but the osu community isn't as caring as this one and I just want to say this before I do it. I'm really close to stabbing myself.

Life is not an easy journey, but you've made it this far, why give up now?

Like everyone has said.. the pain doesn't stop, its selfish.. and basically doesn't prove anyone, anything.. even though you have this heavy, godforsaken horrible feeling inside, most of the people that have gone through similar or worse (not dead, but hospitalized) will know.. if you're really feeling concerned or having dark thoughts, just tell ANY member of your family or close family... luckily I had my family nearby... it could of ended differently..

and if you want to private message me or anyone else with anything, do it
not all of us are out there to give the "correct" advice... remember, In this unfair world there IS someone out there that gives a shit!

Keep us updated and of course, best of luck ahead!

[Ocelot12309]

Re: Thinking about suicide

I know we've never spoken, but suicide is one of the worst things you can do to stop the pain. If you can, find another way to get your mind off things and try not to feed any trolls.

[Vaeltaja]

Re: Thinking about suicide

Hey, I got through this period too.
Really painful.
Things should get better with time, I hope.
Don't stay alone, talk to someone, express your pain, your feelings.
There are so many things that will keep you alive.
Never give up.

[DossarLX ODI]

Re: Thinking about suicide

Rapta, I remember the conversations we had concerning your issues. You mentioned picking up Python as a programming language to start learning some coding concepts such as iteration, variables, etc. the crucial step is to look at your situation and see what's in your control.

Something I need to clear up right away is that if someone isn't responding, it doesn't mean that you are meaningless -- nor does it mean that the person sees you as inferior or not worth the time. However, I'm going to be blunt about telling you that you need to start taking the initiative to assemble the details of your issues to see what different approach you can take.

You are a problem solver and have considerable thinking skills. Use that to your advantage -- seriously, take the initiative to start up a conversation yourself with the people around you. Ask questions. Observe the reactions you receive and think about why people might see you that way. Observe your responses and what reactions they give.

Anxiety gets incredibly difficult when it turns into a physical problem (I've been to the emergency room from a panic attack before). Learn about how your mind and body react to certain things. You've had enough time to put patterns together, and there is a community of people here to help you. If someone is busy and doesn't respond, again, it doesn't mean that person thinks you are not important. We understand you're distressed and will try helping you, but you also need to initiate change on your part.

Suicide doesn't stop the pain

It just passes it on to someone else

Take it from someone who's tried

[psychoangel691]

Re: Thinking about suicide

I really hate when people use the "it's selfish" line. You have no idea what's going on in someone's mind and unless you've been there you really can't judge.

I've had periods of being suicidal on and off for a long time in my life. The last few weeks I've been extremely depressed and have just wanted to die. I never tell people this straight out because it always turns into "you're just seeking attention." It's not like I have any control when these thoughts happen.

Last night/today was one of the worst times in a long time. So I tried just messaging people just to talk normally or anything. Just reinforced that I have no friends anymore so I ended up hurting myself today, something I swore I'd never do again. Even now I'm just sitting alone, oh well.

So I feel ya Rapta, hopefully whatever's ailing you gets better.

[Devilchilly]

Re: Thinking about suicide

Please Rapta, don't do it, I really really mean it.
Like, I never knew you or never talked to you or anything, but please, there ARE people who really cares about you.
Suicide isn't the solution, it doesn't impact only you, but EVERYONE, including the ones you are meaningful to.
Basically, what I'm saying is that you really need to seek help from the people who are close to you. Nothing can't be solved.

[Red Blaster]

Re: Thinking about suicide

I vaguely know your situation, so I'm not going to be able to chime in with life altering advice here, but killing yourself isn't the answer man. I know it's hard going through depression and especially so at the stage in life where you're at, but trust me it does get better - and I'm sure others can vouch for that.

[Rapta]

Re: Thinking about suicide

I really hate when people use the "it's selfish" line. You have no idea what's going on in someone's mind and unless you've been there you really can't judge.

Same..

The last few weeks I've been extremely depressed and have just wanted to die. It's not like I have any control when these thoughts happen

Same..

Last night/today was one of the worst times in a long time. So I tried just messaging people just to talk normally or anything. Just reinforced that I have no friends anymore so.

Same.

I can think as optimistically as I want, but last night it was like I wasn't able to think at all whether what I was doing was good or bad. I can promise not to do it again but I guess I'm becoming so depressed I can't control myself

[Vaeltaja]

Re: Thinking about suicide

Did you tried to see a specialist ?
Psychiatrist ? Psychologist ?
They can help you..