Re: potential girlfriend

[Mollocephalus]

for reference: http://www.flashflashrevolution.com/...d.php?t=114026

Since the discussion has gone to crap, i wanted to do a spin-off. How do you actually deal with women? You think, like mythix, that they're all the same and you mechanically do this and that and voila you did it or you need some sort of thoughtful, considerate approach in order to succsessfully interact with them in harmony? This is is also directed at women towards men.

I honestly would like to defend mythix a bit. He maybe intended that due to some societal standards, there are certain thought patterns common to almost all women, which is not false, but it is also true for men.

discuz.

EDIT: i also wanted to add that looks may have some relevance at first sight, but looks alone mean nothing. the mechanism of phisical attraction is far more complex than that, and if you add the variable of psychological affinity i guess it's just garbage to assume that only people that are equally beautiful can attract each other.

[poochieCREAM]

Re: potential girlfriend

Guys are so difficult to read >_>
Well I'm only young, but I hear it from everywhere, so I guess that statement is valid for a lifetime haha.
I try to think of every man being different by having their own attitudes, values and beliefs.. But there are some patterns that are evident (which are not coming to mind, damnit).

And yeah, I've totally dropped the whole idea of love at first sight. It's more like *lust at first sight.

Edit: I just read the original thread. I found it sad how many people put him down :/ When you ask for help.. The last thing you need is people to laugh at your face, eesh.

Kind of similar situation for me, minus the lack of social interaction and not yet having my first kiss, etc.
I've had this 'thing' with a guy at work for almost 8 months now. It was obvious to everyone that we were more than friends, but were not quite dating. Our manager even teases us, it's pretty sad haha. But yeah, he's flirted very openly, but has never had the balls to do anything. So it's left me confused, thinking:
1/ Maybe he's just the flirty-womaniser type (though I know he isn't, because he's like a major nerd with very little social life LOL I have weird taste)
2/ He's to shy to ask me and is waiting for me to ask him out
3/ He's waiting for a better opportunity.
It's so goddamn frustrating, so now I'm ignoring him and suddenly he's attached to my hip (:
Hah. Moral: idk

[Choofers]

Re: potential girlfriend

Honestly, my insecurities cause me to not go farther then "friends."

[Mollocephalus]

Re: potential girlfriend

Guys are so difficult to read >_>
Kind of similar situation for me, minus the lack of social interaction and not yet having my first kiss, etc.
I've had this 'thing' with a guy at work for almost 8 months now. It was obvious to everyone that we were more than friends, but were not quite dating. Our manager even teases us, it's pretty sad haha. But yeah, he's flirted very openly, but has never had the balls to do anything. So it's left me confused, thinking:
1/ Maybe he's just the flirty-womaniser type (though I know he isn't, because he's like a major nerd with very little social life LOL I have weird taste)
2/ He's to shy to ask me and is waiting for me to ask him out
3/ He's waiting for a better opportunity.
It's so goddamn frustrating, so now I'm ignoring him and suddenly he's attached to my hip (:
Hah. Moral: idk

everyone's nervous when doing something for the first time, especially if this implies self esteem and social consideration. why abide to some nonsense social standard when it comes to these situations? it doesn't matter who makes the first move. it matters in nature, where either the female or the male will try to seduce the other gender with different signals. what is often overstated in the natural world's courtship ritual is health, strenght, fertility, capacity to keep the progeny. whereas in the animal world it is already predetermined which gender does which, this doesn't apply in the human world. many of our istincts are result of our culture and environment. by knowing this, we can proceed to ignore those and destructure our psychological automations.

[poochieCREAM]

Re: potential girlfriend

Saying that we shouldn't fall under these traps and run back into our comfort zones doesn't mean it'll make it any easier.

There's some cultural influences, as well. I think it's just western society, where there is almost no culture or limitations, that we're free to do what we want or don't want to do. Based on the environment I've been brought up in, I'm more comfortable with the man approaching the woman. I find it incredibly difficult to tell a guy I like him, mostly because I have that fear that because he didn't tell me first, that he musn't like me back.

[Choofers]

Re: potential girlfriend

Saying that we shouldn't fall under these traps and run back into our comfort zones doesn't mean it'll make it any easier.

There's some cultural influences, as well. I think it's just western society, where there is almost no culture or limitations, that we're free to do what we want or don't want to do. Based on the environment I've been brought up in, I'm more comfortable with the man approaching the woman. I find it incredibly difficult to tell a guy I like him, mostly because I have that fear that because he didn't tell me first, that he musn't like me back.

Saying that there are "cultural" limitations in western society is quite the misconception. We very little culture to call our own.

Also, how are we "free" to do what we want? Free-will, sure, but social standards make it nigh impossible to make a move for yourself. Case in point, cliques.

[poochieCREAM]

Re: potential girlfriend

Saying that there are "cultural" limitations in western society is quite the misconception. We very little culture to call our own.

Also, how are we "free" to do what we want? Free-will, sure, but social standards make it nigh impossible to make a move for yourself. Case in point, cliques.

What? I'm saying that western society has little culture in order to have limitations. No real strict social standards that are shared widely. Well, none really that I've come across.

Cliques to me have almost nothing to do with liking someone. If there's an attraction, there's an attraction. You can't get rid of it.. can you?
To me, appearance means almost nothing. I'm almost the exact opposite of who I'm attracted to, and that hasn't really stopped us as of yet. Refer to: She's All That.
Haha.

[Choofers]

Re: potential girlfriend

What? I'm saying that western society has little culture in order to have limitations. No real strict social standards that are shared widely. Well, none really that I've come across.

Got it, I read it wrong haha.

Cliques to me have almost nothing to do with liking someone. If there's an attraction, there's an attraction. You can't get rid of it.. can you?
To me, appearance means almost nothing. I'm almost the exact opposite of who I'm attracted to, and that hasn't really stopped us as of yet. Refer to: She's All That.
Haha.

Cliques are all the rage here in Las Vegas :P
I can't even begin to describe how hard it was to fit in with 95% of my peers in high school. I listen to techno, I'm white, I play on the computer, and I'm in decent shape.

My music tastes grouped me with ravers, but I don't do drugs, which took me out of the white druggies, so I would've been stuck with nerds given my computer skills, but I'm in good shape :{

I dropped out and finished my military training lmfao.

[Dr Tran]

Re: potential girlfriend

cliques werent as big were i went to high school weird

[poochieCREAM]

Re: potential girlfriend

Got it, I read it wrong haha.

Cliques are all the rage here in Las Vegas :P
I can't even begin to describe how hard it was to fit in with 95% of my peers in high school. I listen to techno, I'm white, I play on the computer, and I'm in decent shape.

My music tastes grouped me with ravers, but I don't do drugs, which took me out of the white druggies, so I would've been stuck with nerds given my computer skills, but I'm in good shape :{

I dropped out and finished my military training lmfao.

Haha well, good luck on the military then, man.

(Not to sound vain) But I'm one of those random girls that blends with everyone. I have my main group which consists of a lot of the jocks, but during lunches I'm off wandering around the school talking to random people. And a random poll taken at school said I was in the top ten popular, but I don't know about that haha. Regardless of my status in school (I feel really uncomfortable saying that), all my crushes have been the nerdiest, dorkiest, kindest, cutest guys on earth. Fxck, I have no interest in jocks.

Edit: And I go online. Oh dear lord!

[Mollocephalus]

Re: potential girlfriend

as much as western society is considered the most libertarian, i don't think it's accurate to say you are free to express yourself. the limitations imposed by common sense and untold rules are in fact overwhelming. Better than it used to be, say, 30 years ago, but still. The fact that most people lack the ability to think for themselves and live outside boundaries make it a significant matter.

However, i was more interested in reading the ways in which you treat the other gender and your reasons to do so. Everything humans do falls back to individual/mass psychology and society, but let's just skip this argument for a while.

[Choofers]

Re: potential girlfriend

However, i was more interested in reading the ways in which you treat the other gender and your reasons to do so. Everything humans do falls back to individual/mass psychology and society, but let's just skip this argument for a while.

My reasons for treating females respectfully (you could almost say chivalrous) is because of I was brought up that way kind of. It'd be inaccurate to say I was taught to be respectful directly, since I wasn't. That's a completely different story and a bit to do with a personal decision. If you want to know, PM me about it, but it's nothing extravagant.

That brings out the whole abstinence thing (mostly chivalry, partly another childhood thing). I find it rather depressing that society has made it so common to think nothing of sex.

[Mollocephalus]

Re: potential girlfriend

not gonna offend you or anything but "i was brought up like this" or "i came out like this because of the environment i've lived in" isn't a legitimate reason to do anything. my request is more about explaining your thought processes on the matter via reasoning.

doing something just because it feels right means nothing. you can feel right about raping a cobra, and we all know how well it's gonna go.

[poochieCREAM]

Re: potential girlfriend

I find it rather depressing that society has made it so common to think nothing of sex.

Sex it's a MASSIVE thing for me. As I said before, I've been heavily influenced by my cultural background and religion.

@ Mollo
You wanted a direct response about how we interact with the opposite sex and why?
Well personally, I flirt a lot, physically, since I work better that way than embarrassing myself with my speech (because I stutter a lot when I talk to someone I like, so that's out).
Eg., Me and my best guy friend went to watch 2012 about two Tuesdays ago. We leaned against each other and I rested my head on his shoulder for most of the time. When we talked, he simply looked down and I looked up, we were pretty much within kissing distance lol. The only time we parted was when he needed to fix his foot cramp -_____-''

In this case, I know he likes me, and he knows I somewhat like him. He's asked me out like three times now but I've rejected, mainly because I don't want to lose him as a friend. But we still muck around.

Ohhh I've got a billion examples of how I act and what reactions I get in return.

Edit: @ Mollo
I believe that influences from young age are a valid reason. They kind of stick in your head. Well to me, anyway. Everytime I don't finish the rice on my plate, I always imagine little rice men coming at night to attack me. That's mum's doing ):

[EnR]

Re: potential girlfriend

I'm the kind of person that gets to know people before dating, I'll start hanging out with them, talking on msn or phone etc. I'm not shy to ask someone out, but I'm shy to do sexual things. I've already had sex with my present girlfriend, but thinking if we broke up and I ended up with another girl, it would mean I would have to restart all of it.