Me in a Box

[Synthlight]

If only socity allowed for someone to be able to suvior just living next to a pond. I wouldnt last. I've become to spoiled off of everyday modern convences.

Including a spellchecker.. jab jab

Cheers,

Synthlight

[jewpinthethird]

Cliche.

News flash: you just described how every other Teenager feels. You have not mentioned anything I havent heard before. Really, you think you are original, but really, everything you said is over 30 years old.

I have nothing against how you feel, it is your own opinion. But if you want to write a really moving poem, you must learn the basics. You must choose your words wisely. You must choose which word to end your statements wisely, your structure...all these are important to make a lasting impact.

I walk down the street full of zest and life.
...
In millions I truly stand alone.
Lonly.
Ruined.
Full of Emptyness.

Are you the one full of "zest" and life, or is the street? Are you the one who is lonely, ruined, and full of emptiness? Your statements are unclear.

I suggest taking a look at some of the great poems there are. Look at their structures, wording, etc.

Also, a straight foreword approch isnt always the best. Since your subject is nothing new...why not mask it with something symbolic? Like ducks.

ex.
I see
the grey ducks
that spend their lives
in the pond.
All the same,
no concerns at all.
Being fed
by a stranger.

I see
the white swan
That spends its life
in the pond.
She stands out.
She rejects
the stranger's
food.

So lonely is she.
So ruined.
So full of emptiness.

That's pretty much everything you said...but with symbolism.

[clessy]

So what your saying is my poem needed ducks?

[jewpinthethird]

Yes, ducks. Ducks make everything better.

You know, just make some kind of crap up. People think it is so great when you pull stuff out of your ass.

[Anticrombie0909]

That's why abstract art sells so well. You see, if you make your art actually look like something, then there will always be critics saying 'It's too realistic' or 'It's not realistic enough' or 'It doesn't look like (insert random object)". But abstract art is just simply random meaningless crap that the artist leaves whoever looks at it to add to by their imagination- so they can make it look like whatever they want to, and they pretend they know what they're talking about for the sake of avoiding the appearance of ignorance.

That was confusing. Let's just go with 'Abstract art sucks'.

[Lupin_the_3rd]

clessy...sounds familiar...like henry david thoreau familiar
Romanticism is a nice idea, but likely to happen ever? nope

fire... burning... agony...
sultry shivers of a dark essence
why am i tortured with this nihilistic existence?
bitter... darkness... despair.

haha i heart maddox

[hEaLiNgViSiOnAnGeLicMiX]

Its not that I'm alone its thats there 2 types of people.
Simple and Complexed
Simple people are the ones can truly be happy because there to stupid to realize how sad they could be if understood how bad things really where.
Complexed isnt any set standard and can be so many levels of different things.

Something I kindof disagree with. Yes it's true. there are people with simple lives and complexed lives. But I don't think that just because someone doesn't understand something makes them stupid and clueless. Like for example, if i went around the forums calling you a ***/whore/bitch/ or whatever behind your back, I think you'd probably be better off not knowing, rather than getting pissed off at me. Not knowing something, and denying something, are different.

[Moogy]

emo++

[clessy]

Its not that I'm alone its thats there 2 types of people.
Simple and Complexed
Simple people are the ones can truly be happy because there to stupid to realize how sad they could be if understood how bad things really where.
Complexed isnt any set standard and can be so many levels of different things.

Something I kindof disagree with. Yes it's true. there are people with simple lives and complexed lives. But I don't think that just because someone doesn't understand something makes them stupid and clueless. Like for example, if i went around the forums calling you a ***/whore/bitch/ or whatever behind your back, I think you'd probably be better off not knowing, rather than getting pissed off at me. Not knowing something, and denying something, are different.

I didnt say simpleness was bad. I wish I was so simple that I didnt realize how bad life sucks. I really do. Always thinking and wondering is horrible.
I'm just all strided up because people telling me that I was right and because of a book. So I'll probably be off this rant tomorrow.

How I've always beleaved life is living in sadness waiting for the little bits of happyness we sometimes have. 2% of your life is happyness, 60% is structure and parterns and the 38% is sadness and confuession.

[IAMTHEEVILBEAN]

my poem.

I had a fox,
he was in a box,
I like pickles,
Iraq tickles,
poop,
dog

*bows*

[QreepyBORIS]

emo++

Moogy was for win.

But for only because I was not of online!

[makaveli121212]

heres my poem


VxDx likes fecal matter...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...and asians

[QreepyBORIS]

..And so, Dick and Jane
Would never see Spot run again.

Fin.

[Feuergeist]

I wrote a poem once. Its about love

[BluE_MeaniE]

Look, you don't have to be sad. Be happy.
Don't worry. Be happy.

I believe that people that are sad in the same way as you really don't have to be, and it's all them.