Jokes

[jamuko]

RE: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: RE: Jokes

How many DBZ characters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One, but it'll take ten episodes.

[GuidoHunter]

See me for loads of tasteless (and therefore against this thread's rules) jokes.

When I think of tasteful jokes, this is the first that comes to mind:

Hear about the restaurant on Mars?
Great food, no atmosphere.

Told to me by the lady who cut my hair about ten years ago.

Other than that:

Why does ice cream taste so good?
Because there are millions of starving kids in Africa.

--Guido

http://andy.mikee385.com

[blahblah18]

I laughed... damn did I laugh

[jewpinthethird]

How many Hardcore kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Oh God, I f*cking hate the hardcore scene.

[nickadeemus]

A teacher asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.

Mary said, "My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating."

The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted the word 'fascinate'."

Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was fascinated."

The teacher said, "Good, but I wanted the word 'fascinate'."

Little Billy raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Billy was noted for his bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate" so she called on him.

Billy said, "My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten 8."

[JurseyRider734]

I have a bunch of really really hilarious jokes, but they're all "racist" so I can't post them. You should IM me if you want to hear some. Fish will verify for hilariousness.

[xObserveRx]

Here's a long joke, and I may have manipulated it a bit from the original context of what I heard a few years back. It's still one of my personal favourites, and hopefully you'll see why.

Now, onto the joke.

A new priest is ordained and sent to a church across the country. When he arrives, he meets with the pastor of the church (the head priest. Some churches have more than one priest. Anyways) and the pastor tells him that he'll be going on vacation next week. He wants the new priest to conduct his sermons for the week. The new priest is excited about the experience. Before leaving, the pastor tells the new priest that he will have to hear confession on thursday night.

The new priest is clearly troubled by the comment, so the pastor says to him,

"It's alright. All you have to do is take this book and find the sin the parish member confesses, and respond with the correct amount of prayers required."

The new priest is handed a black book and is relieved.

The new week starts and the priest is enjoying conducting mass. He remains slightly nervous about confession on thursday, but holds strong; knowing the book will help him.

Thursday night rolls around, and confession gets underway. Everything seems to be running smoothly.
About an hour in, a lady comes to see the new priest.

"Father, forgive me, I have had dirty thoughts about a man other than my husband," she confesses, sounding rather distressed.

"wow.." the priest thinks to himself, surprised to hear such a comment. However, he opens the book the pastor gave him, and quickly finds the sin listed.

"That will be 5 Hail Mary's and 5 Our Father's, go with the lord my child," He responds, and the lady leaves.

Another hour passes without a problem. A man comes into the confessional.

"Forgive me father, I have kissed a woman other than my wife," he explains. The priest stifles a gasp, but opens the black book and finds the sin.

"That will be 15 Hail Mary's and 15 Our fathers, go with the Lord my child," Says the priest with a shaken voice. The man leaves.

The night carries on smoothly. The last person to enter the confessional is a woman. The words that come out of her mouth nearly knock the priest out of his seat.

"Father forgive me, I have cheated on my husband! I've given another man a blowjob!"

The priest begins fumbling through the black book nervously, still unable to believe what he's heard. A minute passes and he hasn't found the sin yet; he begins to get nervous. After another minute, he's grazed over the entire book and cannot find the sin anywhere. He starts to panic. Wondering who may know what to do in this case, it dawns on him. the Altar Boys.

The priest quietly opens the door of the confessional and leans out to see the Altar boys sitting quietly in a nearby pew.

"Hey boys," the priest whispers, "What does father give for a blowjob?"

The altar boys talk quietly amongst themselves for a few moments, then one of the younger boys leans forward with an awkward look on his face.

"A pop and a bag of chips."

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So there you have it. I hope you laughed at least somewhat.

I gotta say that the person who told me this is still one of the best joke tellers I have ever met, which is probably the main reason I lol'd for like 5 minutes after I'd heard it. Anyways, I have a few other jokes that are much quicker:

Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
Because his wife died.

What's long, pink, and drags along the ocean floor?
Moby's prick.

What do you do when you come across and elephant?
Wipe it off.

What's green, slimy, and smells like pork?
Kermit's finger.

What do elephant use as tampons?
Sheep.

How do you fix a broken dishwasher?
Slap that bitch upside the head and tell her to get back to work.

[Moogy]

Google "Nate than lever" if you want to find a whole bunch of variations of my joke. The best one is the 30 page one I posted, though.

[Tps222]

Yea, that was on the site a few months ago. Good joke.

Kermit joke was sick.

Priest one was anticlimatic and predictable.

All the funny jokes are racist, so I am not sure if I know any.

[FishFishRevolution]

Verification on the humor of JurseyRider734's jokes: Complete.

[B0NK]

why isnt your nose 12 inches?
cause then itd be a foot!