Long distant relationships

[angel-d]

Hey everyone
I haven't been posting much recently as i have been in Malaysia with my fiance. However now i am back in the UK and feeling a bit down from being apart from him and knowing i am not going to see him until August.

Many of my friends ask why i am in a relationship with someone when i hardly get to see them and spend all my money on tickets over there. The answer they get is that i love him and love has no boundries. Also it is only for while i am in Uni (yes i am engaged and in a long distance relationship while in uni, temptations? Of course but not acted on... yet).

The reason for this thread is to ask all of your opinions. Also to see if anyone here is in a similar situation to me. Ok not neccesarily with someone who lives half way round the world as i have come to realise that that is not so common, but long distance in general.

Any opinions, personal experiences etc are welcome.

[GuidoHunter]

I live two hundred miles from my girlfriend and I'm going to see her today for the first time in a month. We're both in college and have been together for over eight months now and have yet to have any problems, least of all regarding the distance between us. We love each other very much and that's what keeps us looking forward to the next time we can see each other and patiently waiting for that time to come.

It's totally doable.

--Guido

http://andy.mikee385.com

[stretchypanda]

I didn't vote, because long distance relationships require both of the "yes" options, and then some.

And, Guido, "patiently" is definitely not a word I would use to describe my waiting. ; )

I still say maturity is required. Long distance relationships require a much greater committment than would be required of two people from the same city and school dating. I have seen several long distance relationships crumble with the onset of college because most people just really aren't ready for that intense a committment, and they just give up and go for the convenience of dating in their new community.

[Cenright]

Most relationships over a distance dont amount to much, just because there are so many other local distractions of the other gender, it is hard to keep focused, but it is VERY much doable for the loyal and patient lover.

[XDDRCutieX]

I didn't vote either because of the same reason that panda said. I think that they can work. I don't have a relationship with anyone but I do like someone that lives in New York. (Almost everyone knows who that is.) So yea. I think it could work.
~Rach~

[Tasselfoot]

I'll let Whorli answer this for me. I'm lazy.

[suicidalmuskrat]

I think meeting someone, and starting to date someone who lives a long ways away is retarded. I'm not saying that can't work, I just think it's retarded. But if you meet when you live nearby, then get torn apart...that's not retarded...and can still work. meh. I just think meeting someone knowing when they live a long ways aay (usually meeting online) and being with them exclusively is retarded. And in my opinion, pretty closed minded.

[whorlichan]

Ok, I'll answer this for both us then, because Tass really is a lazy monkey.

We've been dating for close to 2 years now. When we met, I lived in Los Angeles and he lived in New York. The first year we spent mostly flying back and forth, spending tons of money on flights, phone conversations, and of course online conversations. It worked. It wasn't easy at all--I hated not seeing him most of the time and I'm pretty sure he felt the same But we worked at it, and we saw each other as often as we could, and we managed to keep up a pretty damn awesome relationship.

Then I moved out to Philadelphia to go to REAL school (and get the hell away from my wonderful loving family) and we're only a couple of hours apart most of the week. He stays at my apartment (almost) every weekend. It only got better--I still don't see him as often as I want to (ie, every day) but it's getting there. We're not really LONG-distance anymore, but I know that if we had to go back to it for some reason, we'd make it, together.

Guido and Panda, you're my role models

And muskrat...it's not retarded. I didn't meet Tass online, and I knew he was from very far away when I fell for him. It's the age-old thing: you can't control who you fall in love with. All you can do is work at it to keep up the relationship. Honestly, I think having someone I loved was leaving (the "torn apart" thing) would be worse than knowing from the beginning that the distance was there. And how is it close-minded? I think it takes a lot more open-mindedness to stay true to someone who is far away than it does to get with someone closer to you. You have to accept the reality of the choice you've made, and not just take the easy guy (or girl) down the street.

[Kilgamayan]

Arch and citrus anyone?

[blargherness]

currently in a long-distance relationship....across the country, but she's finally coming for a visit in june

[jujo07]

I think long distance relationships take a lot of maturity and committment. I also think they are a test of how well you can control your emotions for "distractions" around you that you see everyday.

I've been in a long distance relationship before and it worked out beautifully for me because like I said it was a test to resist temptations, and now I know I can do it. Anyways, the relationship lasted for about two years and we visited each other about once every 2 months. It was hard, but it's definitely not impossible.

[stretchypanda]

Arch and citrus anyone?

First pre-college long-distance relationship I've ever heard of that showed any hope of working out. They have very trusting parents.

Guido and I sort of cheated. We've known each other almost seven years, and the whole time there's been something there. I think it's a little easier to carry out a strong relationship (especially long distance) when you've already got such a strong bond. We've never lived close to each other -- when we met, I lived in Broken Arrow, OK and he in Waco, TX -- a good seven-hour drive, and later on I moved to Harrison, AR, and I think it took my mom and I about nine hours just to get to Dallas from there. So we're pretty used to not seeing each other very often. As far as making things work, we've dated before, and things happened and we just stopped talking -- nearly ruined our friendship. Then we worked together last summer and realized what had been there before wasn't gone, and neither of us is willing to give up this time -- distance be damned.

[jazzmosis]

As a person who was in one for 4 years, let me tell you that it's hard work - and usually it won't end up well. I dated my ex from when I was 15 to 19, but after all the trust, we got burned. To have trust for someone you can't see often (I saw her about once a month) is ridiculously hard.. and I told myself that there's too much pain involved. After we split, I told myself never again.

Course, since then I've moved on to bigger and better things (that are closer), and it makes life so much more enjoyable. College/University is where it's at, people. If I hadn't made such an irresponsible, uninformed, and idiotic decision to come to THIS school, I'd have never met one of my most understanding and compassionate friends.

In short, online relationships are hard, and typically not worth the effort. Unless you knew the person personally before they became long distance.

[RevenG-]

There is only little chance that it will work out. However, it can work out if you go wherever they live or they go to where you live oftenly.

[Kilgamayan]

oftenly

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