cry for help

[XelNya]

Re: cry for help

TWG lets you play if you're banned on an alt as long as it happened during the game I think is the rule.

[Funnygurl555]

Re: cry for help

ya learn new stuff everyday

[Svaz]

Re: cry for help

IDK your precise context, but I do know my own with alcohol, I can at least speak to that much. I’ve never properly addressed my mental state in a clinical context outside of getting diagnoses off the books (you sure can get away with this shit working medically I suppose) so unfortunately no good insights there.

I try to set up really specific contexts for when I drink and limit how much I have around the house (generally effective as I feel awkward when people at the VAbc know my face). One big thing I do is always ensure I only drink in a social context — if I drink alone it’s more liable to get out of control and go to some dark places, not to mention the sleep is never good just because of how alcohol metabolizes. I’m not always perfect about this — lately I’ve had virtually no social life and people I can drink with so I’ve been just boozing some weekends with friends over discord (and OK yes this is why I spilled beer all over my laptop and have no computer outside of mobile right now. I’m stupid lol)

I think the last bit is important because of one thing, people you know over the internet count as real people and real friends so think of them/us that way. You’ve always got a whole ass community filled with people that genuinely give a shit about and even empathize with you where other people you might know through other means just don’t get as vulnerable or as open with you for whatever social standards they operate on. We’re always here for you and each other dude

I will probably never experience the pressure of being an immigrant properly (I’ve only been an occasional stranger in a foreign country) but I know there are definitely other people here who’ve lived that path too. One other thing, in my experience setting up goals for yourself is great but the good feeling from achievement dissipates when I start comparing myself to the external successes of others, perhaps this is some basic bitch shit, but comparision really is the thief of joy and can get you feeling shitty in no time.

Also I don’t think you should feel silly or awkward or embarrassed over a thread like this, I mean I’ve made similar posts myself so who would I be to judge? I think the beauty of something like this is that it allows you to express yourself more directly than you would in another social context and it’s important you’re still willing to rather than giving in to the passive and active death wishes. Fwiw I’ve given serious thought into barreling my car and body into the underside of an overpass more times than I can count, but the will to fight that impulse is tantamount.

What helped me assuage stuff like that a little more is reflecting or even journaling shit that made the day worth it, even if it’s not expressly happiness because you might not find that right away each day, some days you might not find it at all. I think you managed to do that even here already a little bit, from gratitude towards other posters to even mentioning Jess. Granted I’m not at the point where it’s totally gone, maybe that time will never come, but I can peacefully resolve it a little better rather than trying to drown it out and probably puking and crying after.

Life is ducking bullshit and I think pretty much everyone here can empathize with that on some level. It might make her cry but leveling with your mom on how you’re feeling might be worth it, it sounds at least like she’s coming from a place of concern and love.

One last note, you could try working some of this real shit into your routine, it can make some great material, Marie Bamford is a good example of that imo

[Antori]

Re: cry for help

i love you funnygurl even if you roll wolf

[inDheart]

Re: cry for help

TWG lets you play if you're banned on an alt as long as it happened during the game I think is the rule.

2 caveats:
- temp ban
- even then it's host discretion

but ya

[Xiz]

Re: cry for help

I feel like in this day in age, getting an infraction/banned on FFR is a right of passage.

You are never, ever alone.

Also, I've found for me doing something creatively helps express how I feel. By channeling those feelings into something creative helps fuel my passion I have found. Channel some of that into new material?

You opening up and talking about it speaks volumes.

You are strong funnygurl. I believe in you.

[rayword45]

Re: cry for help

I feel like in this day in age, getting an infraction/banned on FFR is a right of passage.

i survived 3.5 years of being underage but got banned for calling some magachud a cuck a few months back

[Funnygurl555]

Re: cry for help

I try to set up really specific contexts for when I drink and limit how much I have around the house (generally effective as I feel awkward when people at the VAbc know my face). One big thing I do is always ensure I only drink in a social context — if I drink alone it’s more liable to get out of control and go to some dark places, not to mention the sleep is never good just because of how alcohol metabolizes. I’m not always perfect about this — lately I’ve had virtually no social life and people I can drink with so I’ve been just boozing some weekends with friends over discord (and OK yes this is why I spilled beer all over my laptop and have no computer outside of mobile right now. I’m stupid lol)

yeah i should probably stop drinking alone. i dont have a social life here though, so that would mean virtually not drinking lol. back when i did, i never drank alone (well, i did like once or twice i think when i was in college).

i also spilled booze on my laptop before too and had to get it fixed and it hurt my soul. fortunately it didn't cost too much though

I think the last bit is important because of one thing, people you know over the internet count as real people and real friends so think of them/us that way. You’ve always got a whole ass community filled with people that genuinely give a shit about and even empathize with you where other people you might know through other means just don’t get as vulnerable or as open with you for whatever social standards they operate on. We’re always here for you and each other dude

i do think of online people as real friends it's allowed me to meet some cool people. i'm still in touch with some old friends that i met online over 9 years ago

One other thing, in my experience setting up goals for yourself is great but the good feeling from achievement dissipates when I start comparing myself to the external successes of others, perhaps this is some basic bitch shit, but comparision really is the thief of joy and can get you feeling shitty in no time.

on the one hand, i know this? but it's also so hard not to compare myself to other people T-T and that's always gonna be a losing battle 'cause my peers are insane

Also I don’t think you should feel silly or awkward or embarrassed over a thread like this, I mean I’ve made similar posts myself so who would I be to judge? I think the beauty of something like this is that it allows you to express yourself more directly than you would in another social context and it’s important you’re still willing to rather than giving in to the passive and active death wishes. Fwiw I’ve given serious thought into barreling my car and body into the underside of an overpass more times than I can count, but the will to fight that impulse is tantamount.

What helped me assuage stuff like that a little more is reflecting or even journaling shit that made the day worth it, even if it’s not expressly happiness because you might not find that right away each day, some days you might not find it at all. I think you managed to do that even here already a little bit, from gratitude towards other posters to even mentioning Jess. Granted I’m not at the point where it’s totally gone, maybe that time will never come, but I can peacefully resolve it a little better rather than trying to drown it out and probably puking and crying after.

i've stopped feeling awkward about making this thread haha. at first i really was though. y'alls support makes me feel a lot less alone, so thank you <3

i'll try the journaling thing

Life is ducking bullshit and I think pretty much everyone here can empathize with that on some level. It might make her cry but leveling with your mom on how you’re feeling might be worth it, it sounds at least like she’s coming from a place of concern and love.

i'll talk to her in time, but i don't want to now. i'm mad at her for saying what she did even though i get why. she's probably still mad at me too

One last note, you could try working some of this real shit into your routine, it can make some great material, Marie Bamford is a good example of that imo

noted, and i'll check her out!

i love you funnygurl even if you roll wolf

antori

I feel like in this day in age, getting an infraction/banned on FFR is a right of passage.

You are never, ever alone.

Also, I've found for me doing something creatively helps express how I feel. By channeling those feelings into something creative helps fuel my passion I have found. Channel some of that into new material?

You opening up and talking about it speaks volumes.

You are strong funnygurl. I believe in you.

thanks xiz!!

and noted about channeling feelings into material

but got banned for calling some magachud a cuck a few months back

that was hilarious to read

[Funnygurl555]

Re: cry for help

i got discharged today after a week of being in a psych ward, so i'm bumping this thread. i wrote a journal while i was there, which is long, but yeah, if you're interested. all the names of people who were in the ward with me (including staff) were altered

link

i'm going home on wednesday. can't really handle being on my own.

[XelNya]

Re: cry for help

i got discharged today after a week of being in a psych ward, so i'm bumping this thread. i wrote a journal while i was there, which is long, but yeah, if you're interested. all the names of people who were in the ward with me (including staff) were altered

link

i'm going home on wednesday. can't really handle being on my own.

That was a rough read. Glad to see you sought some professional help as your choice though.

[MixMasterLar]

Re: cry for help

I don't think I even saw this thread yo

I can def relate to some of this, and I'm glad you are seeking help. I believe 100% that if you look for help you re already on the upswing.

[Funnygurl555]

Re: cry for help

thanks guys

edit: i just checked my discharge papers, and i have high cholesterol.............. im 22 .............. ah well, i'ma be healthily eating at home, so hopefully this goes away. my blood pressure's pretty healthy/kinda low though so there's that at least.

[Svaz]

Re: cry for help

Reading your entries made me inevitably think back a lot to my time working in a psych ward -- usually I'd read the patients journals and transcribe them into our system and I had a similar experience of really wanting to do something like that long term myself -- it's nice to be able to help people, and I think when you can truly empathise with people from your own experiences it really helps the situation. I did feel kind of concerned at points over your sleeping and med situations but I'm glad they gave you something that at the very least doesn't have any debilitating side effects.

Even just working there I got a lot of good methods for my own life stresses and situations, and being able to put a term to the weird aggressions people inflict on each other imo is useful for knowing how to identify and work against or away from it.

What do you think you'll do when you're around your brother again though? I guess that's what concerns me the most about the whole thing, I'm really glad to hear you're okay right now at least.

[Funnygurl555]

Re: cry for help

What do you think you'll do when you're around your brother again though? I guess that's what concerns me the most about the whole thing, I'm really glad to hear you're okay right now at least.

The therapists-- and everyone I've mentioned this to really-- were worried about that too. My fam seems insistent that it'll never happen again though, and they told me that if I notice anything off they'll kick him out.

But also when I told my sis I'd call the cops on him if he did it again, she was still hesitant about me doing that.

edit: ironically i'm not sleeping now but gossip girl hhhhhhheeeeeeeeehhhhhhh

also the thing i want most is to be home now i miss my parents

[Funnygurl555]

Re: cry for help

so i get that saying mean shit like that's your thing, but jesus christ man

but that's the first time i got my cholesterol checked. idk if stress would affect readings so much though; if anything, my cholesterol's not good