Stop Caring About Being Smart

[devonin]

Re: Stop Caring About Being Smart

It's the assumption and demand that there be a -next- or else I'm somehow not dealing in good faith or doing something wrong that seems to be your problem and one of the primary avenues for conflict between us.

I'm actually allowed to say "This is my opinion of a thing" or "This is a problem I have with a thing" without also having to propose a solution or next course of action, and that is okay. You may personally think it is a waste of time if you happen to disagree with my opinion or issue, but if you do, you can just ignore it.

Somebody expressed an opinion of a piece you produced. The "next" is as much on you as on me. You can take to heart that my opinion is legitimate and consider how you might improve the message to be more persuasive to the people I think won't be persuaded by it. Or you can decide that my issue is unfounded and ignore it. Or you can ask for clarification if my statement wasn't clear enough. Those are all options also available to you in addition to saying "So what"

It read to me like, in general, you are telling anxious people to deal with their anxiety by deciding to stop being anxious. And that's a neat trick if you can pull it off.

[Arch0wl]

Re: Stop Caring About Being Smart

nah, because anxiety doesn't work that way. but anxiety is also a different subject. you don't need to stop feeling anxious to "just do it" though. I've done my fair share of anxiety induced lifting.

[Cavernio]

Re: Stop Caring About Being Smart

nah, because anxiety doesn't work that way. but anxiety is also a different subject.

Anxiety is not a different subject, it's embedded in this intrinsically. Anxiety is a type of fear, and fear is the root of ALL avoidance behavior. In your case, you seemed to have experienced fear of being thought of as stupid. While the resulting emotions of being thought of as stupid is not fear, fear is the experience itself that prevents the behavior at the crucial point in time when you make a decision. The very basis of all punishment works through fear; fear is that base to human functioning. Inherent in this is the premise that emotions are the basis of all behavior, not thought; science and personal experience indicate that this is the case. http://bigthink.com/experts-corner/d...ecision-making

" you don't need to stop feeling anxious to "just do it" though."

True. One does need to, however, experience other emotions at the same time as experiencing the fear that counteract the fear in order for the fear to not control the ensuing action. Or one can dissociate from the fear, but that leads to countless other issues, the first of which is 'there is no reason to do it now'.

A necessary step in changing behavior is to become cognizant of your emotions and thoughts around the behavior in question, and how it affects you, what thoughts it brings up and what emotions it brings up, all the nuance involved with it. This step is not pleasant and is the 'hard part' involved with change, because everyone uses various psychological techniques to hide and prevent pain, of which there are many, extreme and notable forms include dissociations and addictions. The degree of psychological pain that is experienced upon doing this is not to be passed-over, some people don't survive this process, eg: an alcoholic who achieves sobriety only to commit suicide as death as it is the only other way of coping they can perceive.

This makes developing non-disruptive coping mechanisms (I say non-disruptive because everyone has coping mechanisms, but presumably if you're looking for change, some part of you perceives that what you are currently doing as coping is actually impeding you) extremely important in behavioral change, and also makes it important to develop, even if only through lip service, before taking that step into awareness. The reason why feigning the actions of self-care exists even when they don't seem to be doing anything at the time, is to try and tap into the routine/habit-forming/OCD part of who you are, such that when the rest of you mentally is ready to receive the full effects of that self-care, you are not floundering. Remember, you are aiming for full self-disclosure, for without that self-knowledge, you cannot make properly informed choices. Self-disclosure means facing the negative parts of you, the parts you'd rather not exist, the parts that most people will quiet and hush because as children when they existed, you were -made- to not show them through one way or another. At this point self-love is your best friend.

Once there is a full awareness of the situation and how you respond to it, then you can address each and every individual aspect of it. For avoidance behaviors, such as being scared to say something stupid hence there is a desire to say something but then it is shut-down by your fear, this is where you will hopefully realize what exactly is triggering the fear. It's probably a combination of who you're talking to, the context, the thought that you 'know' your opinion is unpopular, etc. For everyone these reasons will be unique, so there is no 1 way to then address them.

Note that at no point am I saying the fear will go away through this process. It won't, it will live stronger for a time because you've taken away the barriers against it, and at one point or another you will realize that your emotions are intrinsic to you and to cut them out is dissociative (the extreme extent of which death, again, results, as with no emotions there is no purpose, no choices are made,) and that living with the fear of being stupid is your only option if you also want to, for instance, learn everything and anything there is to know.

If you wanted to say something that you perceive might be thought of as stupid, you have to give yourself something more salient thing than fear. Once you've found that, (and again, these are highly personal reasons) and you then -go ahead with saying the thing that your fear is telling you not to do- the resulting emotion will be one of excitement. (fear mixed with some form of enjoyment.) (subs explained) You've now successfully done the hardest thing you will ever have to do for this process and change, (you've created a new path to follow) and that itself can be used as a reminder the next time you face the same fear. Maintenance of change is ever so hard because unless you destroy your brain (ECT anyone?) the old pathways, the old coping strategies, are still going to be there, waiting for you to step into them, and to use them you will likely feel little resistance, unlike when you consciously make a change. Which is why its important to develop small habits as part of the process, why it is important to try and be self-aware ALL the time, which is why its important to let yourself know that you've successfully done the hardest thing once and survived, and why self-love and forgiveness and acceptance are so important, (threatening yourself only works through fear, which is exactly the thing you are trying to counter).


Reading this sprouted too much in my mind for me to not say anything.

[Cavernio]

Re: Stop Caring About Being Smart

All aggression behavior is based in fear too, that ever-touted fight or flight reaction.

[choof]

Re: Stop Caring About Being Smart

long post

also long post

[Arch0wl]

Re: Stop Caring About Being Smart

All aggression behavior is based in fear too

neurochemically this makes no fucking sense

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/L%C3%B6vheim_cube_of_emotion

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cortisol

not going to challenge the rest because (a) don't know where you're getting any of this shit citationwise and a lot of that contradicts psych literature I've read, but I'm also not very interested in this and pursuing it is far too much effort, and (b) I don't want to drive this shit as off-topic as the interactions of devonin and me did.

"all aggressive behavior is based in fear" though is like a trivially refuted thing to say, so I'm not dragging down relevance by honoring it

[lofty rhino]

Re: Stop Caring About Being Smart

didnt read the op
"smart"doesnt matter

cuddle-fuck bitches and dudes and die already

[lurker]

Re: Stop Caring About Being Smart

i'm sorry but even though i know this is directed at people like me there are people literally planning to murder me the next time i misspeak in front of them
i have gotten dressed down for three hours straight because i made the wrong choice out of two synonyms and you have to fucking understand that not everyone can handle that
people have put cameras in my fucking brain to detect when i say another bad thing, one out of every 10 people on the street is a robot programmed to stare at me relentlessly

[lurker]

Re: Stop Caring About Being Smart

i think this is probably useful to people whose lives aren't threatened constantly and while you may value standing for your own beliefs over your own life, i don't

[lurker]

Re: Stop Caring About Being Smart

oh wait you fucking addressed that in the article:

Fuck scrubs, and fuck casuals. People used to risk their lives for books. People used to go to jail, people used to be killed for challenging beliefs, and they did it anyway. The most you have to worry about is losing a job and getting another one.

so you're fucking ignorant for assuming that anyone who finds your writing has a safe life

[MixMasterLar]

Re: Stop Caring About Being Smart

Just dropping in to say that "Does your whole existence depend on contrast with a type of person?.......Bitch this isn’t Avatar the last Airbender. Nature does not want balance; nature is a storm of chaos and conflict and constant improvement." is getting added to the FB favorite quotes page.
Had me laughing.

[Cavernio]

Re: Stop Caring About Being Smart

neurochemically this makes no fucking sense

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/L%C3%B6vheim_cube_of_emotion

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cortisol

There is no proving or even suggesting of anything I said as right or wrong based on what you linked.

I'm saying A implies B implies C, and you're saying A is x, B is y and C is z

[IamMe90]

Re: Stop Caring About Being Smart

i'm sorry but even though i know this is directed at people like me there are people literally planning to murder me the next time i misspeak in front of them
i have gotten dressed down for three hours straight because i made the wrong choice out of two synonyms and you have to fucking understand that not everyone can handle that
people have put cameras in my fucking brain to detect when i say another bad thing, one out of every 10 people on the street is a robot programmed to stare at me relentlessly

might wanna see a psychiatrist about those "cameras" in your brain

[Shadowcliff]

Re: Stop Caring About Being Smart

I have a "crush" on a dude I work with

He has a "crush" on me, I know, he told me, kissed me too, likes to ramble about it when he's wasted, but he's hiding it when sober because his bisexual tendencies have never actually led him to experiment with a dude and he has probably been expected most of his life to hold on to a certain kind of masculinity

I try to be sincere and he deflects like hell

How do I get him to cuddle-fuck?

Then we can die already
Thanks for the advice rhino
You too Archie

[IamMe90]

Re: Stop Caring About Being Smart

I have a "crush" on a dude I work with

He has a "crush" on me, I know, he told me, kissed me too, likes to ramble about it when he's wasted, but he's hiding it when sober because his bisexual tendencies have never actually led him to experiment with a dude and he has probably been expected most of his life to hold on to a certain kind of masculinity

I try to be sincere and he deflects like hell

How do I get him to cuddle-fuck?

Then we can die already
Thanks for the advice rhino
You too Archie

-MDMA
-Being there and supportive at an especially emotionally vulnerable moment in his life
-mutual drinking

idk most of my hookups with closeted dudes have resulted from one of those 3 experiences