What should I do?

[Cavernio]

Ok, I'm depressed and I'm going through the first break-up that's really hit me hard. Well, I've gone through it multiple times but this one has a finality of feeling to it.

I'm on disability, I don't have a lot of money.

I have a hard time making myself do things. Anything. Taking action is the opposite of anything I ever want to do. I spend my time in bed on the internet and I'm so bored I think it incites my brain into emotional overload sometimes because at least then there's something to focus on.

I picked up a stray cat recently, brought her home, she's spending her time beside me in bed most of the time.

I don't know wtf to do with my life or myself. I can go get some ice cream I guess. That means I have to put on clothes and coat. That makes me glad it's winter and I can hide my pj shirt under a coat which makes me worry about what it's going to be like in summer going outside. The mere thought of the effort of having to dress more nicely in summer is actively making me upset. I'm fucked. I have a bunch of weed, I smoke regularly. I try video games but my concentration lacks in them most of the time. I play hearthstone and hearts in puzzle pirates these days. That's it. I'm not terribly skilled at either.

I'm really, really, really trying my fucking hardest to be fucking positive about my fucking life.

[j-rodd123]

Re: What should I do?

sorry to hear, idk what to suggest other than the do stuff things which is easier said than done probably. is there anything new you want to learn like a language or something? maybe find a course about something online and do that? good luck

[botchi246]

Re: What should I do?

draw a picture, bake a cake, read a book. those are good antidepressants for me

[Spenner]

Re: What should I do?

Bigger picture bigger picture bigger picture. Start something that better represents what's going on in terms of something you can appreciate-- do you know the biological processes behind depression? You should take some time to study it, or human behaviour in general, because it's an incredibly interesting topic and learning what makes you have this negative momentum helps actually make yourself think differently in my experience. Right now you need time to scab up though, breakups aren't a simple thing. It's a vessel of dependence that's suddenly broken, and your emotions have no place to thrive and ventilate, so what better than to feel hopeless? It's inevitable, and it's normal, and it's not fukken fun. Been there.

If you legit want something to take your mind off things, want to have something constructive in the background, this guy is a great human being and has inspired me to explore my own depression in a way I hadn't before, to great effect. It's obviously a recurring element in my life but being able to study it with utmost detail and attention has given me a shitton of control that I didn't have before.

Otherwise, this is what you should do:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNnIGh9g6fA&list=PLD7E21BF91F3F9683

I found this lecture series at a time in my life that was extremely helpful and important, and it may be of zero interest to you but I'll share it just in case

[MinaciousGrace]

Re: What should I do?

start doing meth

then after a few years of being broken down by your addiction you'll realize you had it good before

[MinaciousGrace]

Re: What should I do?

also drugs

[V-Ormix]

Re: What should I do?

draw a picture, bake a cake, read a book. those are good antidepressants for me

yeee

I feel the same way although I've never thought of myself as a depressed person, I kind of just suck it up a day at a time.

What I think works good is to imagine yourself doing said things you want or feel you need to do in digestible segments.

It might feel intimidating to imagine doing an "entire thing" but really breaking it down with the confidence of "well I know I can do that at the very least" can motivate you and any initial action is a great feeling.

I like to go on long walks, but it seems like a common denominator of any kind of motivation or positive chemical reaction in the body starts with motion of any kind, even some thing as abstract as flailing your arms and playing limbo with an imaginary pole 8U

[Cavernio]

Re: What should I do?

If you legit want something to take your mind off things, want to have something constructive in the background, this guy is a great human being and has inspired me to explore my own depression in a way I hadn't before, to great effect. It's obviously a recurring element in my life but being able to study it with utmost detail and attention has given me a shitton of control that I didn't have before.

Otherwise, this is what you should do:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNnIGh9g6fA&list=PLD7E21BF91F3F9683

I found this lecture series at a time in my life that was extremely helpful and important, and it may be of zero interest to you but I'll share it just in case

That second video you linked, smoked some bud and now I'm just wondering how the fuck is the lecturer doing that? He's really good, and really knowledgeable, and he's speaking in front of a bunch of people and he's being filmed. I used to want to BE that person, now I can't even fathom how they do what they do. It would still be fun to be that person, except I don't think I can do it. I'm intelligent enough but memory problems, I'd go off on tangents and take long pauses and get lost far too often to be an excellent lecturer. But maybe I could be a good one. At least I'd get excited about what I was talking about. If I could do it.

[massflavour]

Re: What should I do?

The mere thought of the effort of having to dress more nicely in summer is actively making me upset. I'm fucked.

i dont understand why this would be upsetting, but then again if someone is depressed they tend to let everything upset them

I have a bunch of weed, I smoke regularly.

OK:
-stop smoking weed (bear with me here)
-go outside more. force yourself to do it

do these two things every day and i guarantee your life will slowly get better. the keyword is "slowly" here. you sound kind of messed up (no offense) and your problems arent going to fix themselves over night.
i suffered from severe psychosis and it took about 2-3 years for me to get properly back on my feet. i was doing exactly what your OP described: sitting in bed all day, watching stupid shit feeling bad about myself, and getting high. plenty of people are able to smoke and be productive and just fine. it sounds like you aren't one of those people. maybe one day when you aren't sitting at home in bed all of the time and your life is in order you can, but... yea.
what are you on disability for?

That second video you linked, smoked some bud and now I'm just wondering how the fuck is the lecturer doing that?

he worked and studied hard as fuck.

[kommisar]

Re: What should I do?

dope can cause permanent short term memory loss if you keep abusing it :/
do in moderation honestly.

location can play a huge part in your willingness to do things.

I mean I'm sure you know how fierce the new brunswick struggle is based on the scarce amount of activities.

[Cavernio]

Re: What should I do?

I'm going to get doing weed regularly for the time being. It brings me out from the worst of thought. Trust me, having a toke is better than grabbing a knife, or going for a walk with tears streaming down your face.

I'm on disability for depression and anxiety. It's not consistent though. I'm actually feeling pretty good right now. It comes and goes. I felt like dying this morning though.

I've done a bit of reading about weed and depression actually. It seems that weed while it can cause memory issues long-term, and it will reduce grey matter in some area of the brain, it actually increases white matter connection in the hippocampus which is exactly what is thought to be why antidepressants works these days, as well as prefrontal cortex connections.

The disability is for 5 years, at which point they will reassess my situation. I can still work if I'm disabled if I manage to. I'm too unreliable is the biggest problem, and is also the reason I have not sought disability in the past because it never felt permanent enough for it to be a problem.

It's not the amount of information that lecturer has, it's the ability to make a coherent presentation and then present it that's impressive to me :-p

[Spenner]

Re: What should I do?

Simply put, he has a passion for baboons and stress hormones, and is absolutely in love with the subject of emerging phenomena in any aspect of biology. Even though some of the subjects were over my head at times, it's still the way it is presented, you can deduce what he's talking about. That takes some skill. May also be the hair and the beard.

Personally I feel like I could do the same thing speaking about aesthetics, self-awareness, synaesthesia (I need to write a book on that one)... it'd be delightful. I actually do want to become a teacher one day, if life heads that direction, and any level of design related subject.

Perhaps sometimes we just lack that niche. I really want to find something I can actively pursue, rather than being where i'm at now, which is like living in a hive of wasps (and I'm a worker wasp). You're a smart gal Cav, think there's any interest of yours you could extrapolate and maybe write about, spread the word of, or anything like that?

Could also warm up if you're in a rut and write something like "My shitty autobiography that I will really want to delete after writing.txt", I know I've been wanting to do that.

Also about cannabis-- weigh the pros and cons of the suffering person too. There are lengths one can take to extend and "lubricate" their neural networks, supplements and healthy choices and actually working it out. It sounds like for right now it's genuinely doing you good.

The biggest thing is keeping your amygdala chilled out, and working on the behavioural changes you can make/habitual changes that would affect recurring thoughts you know just happen but you can kind of see them coming.

EDIT: I've also mentioned it before in one of the other depression related threads but nootropic supplements like Noopept and Piracetam and choline supplements on top of a stack are REALLY good for your memory. It's been out of my dietary regime way too long. And also like I mentioned elsewhere I found it abolished the memory issue I had with cannabis. But erryone's different.

[Deadlyx39]

Re: What should I do?

I got really confused for a second because I made a thread a few months ago with the exact same title. There's some good stuff in there if you want. We're in different situations, but a lot of the advice should still apply.

That thread helped me out a bit in deciding how I would want to live my life. I started to be very laid back in my way of thinking after making that thread. I started to live by the motto "The less you care, the happier you'll be." I learned that a lot of my problems stemmed from me caring way too much about situations out of my control, so I just started to adapt a laid back lifestyle. I don't worry about factors that I can't change, and it's helped my overall happiness a lot. I still do suffer from having no idea what I'll end doing for my life, but it'll come with time.

My personal advice would be to find something that you are very passionate about. You said you play Hearthstone? Try and join a community for that game if it's something that you spend a lot of time doing. Joining many communities and getting involved in them is something that I've done that's kept me busy. On top of FFR, I'm also a part of leaguegaming (a website that runs leagues for multiple sports games), SmashBoards (Super Smash Bros. Forum), and the r/NHLHUT subreddit. Maybe going to a community college could also help you out and get you out of your house to do something.

My point I'm trying to make is get engaged in something that you love to do. While you said that you don't do much, there has to be something that you love to do. Even though we're a bit apart in age, I would also recommend looking at that thread, as it had some advice that helped me figure out what I should start doing with my life.

[MinaciousGrace]

Re: What should I do?

congratulations you have graduated from making intellectually offensive posts to simply making vapid posts that link to intellectually offensive posts

[Potato030]

Re: What should I do?

1) Buy 12 industrial sized bags of pizza rolls
2) Eat
3) ?
4) Profit