Before I bottle up again this year,

[Mindfields]

Here's your chance to get to know me better.


DrasticActions4: I need to let of some New Year's steam.
DrasticActions4: I bottle more shit up than you would ever believe.
xanderman2064: Haha.
DrasticActions4: Starting with my childhood and then building up to the point where I realized how many things went wrong in my life.
xanderman2064: Well, let 'er rip.
xanderman2064: I'm listening.
DrasticActions4: Well, the problem is I want to write all of it down.
DrasticActions4: Then post it some where in CT or GB titled "Why I'm so Fucked Up"
xanderman2064: Do it.
xanderman2064: You need it out.
DrasticActions4: Okay.
DrasticActions4: Up until I was 11 years old, I lived in one of the worst neighborhoods you could imagine.
DrasticActions4: Fort Worth has the highest gang rate, imagine living in the worst midst of it.
DrasticActions4: My parents did a good job raising me.
DrasticActions4: Well, okay, my Mom did with the company of my Dad's input.
DrasticActions4: My Mom wouldn't let me watch anything NOT on PBS up until I was about 8 or so.
DrasticActions4: I never had a Playstation, N64, or anything like that.
DrasticActions4: The biggest gaming system I had was a GameBoy Color and a computer that only play 8-bit arcade games.
DrasticActions4: Now onto my Dad.
DrasticActions4: The stoner alcoholic.
DrasticActions4: We used to only have 1 TV. We would all be in the living room and I would think he was just smoking cigarettes.
DrasticActions4: He would drink beer constantly.
DrasticActions4: Now here are the things I realized just in this past year.
DrasticActions4: I realized that everywhere he drives me, he drives drunk. That pisses me off. Alot.
DrasticActions4: He's possibly high while doing it, also.
DrasticActions4: I realized that everyone I know thinks I'm a solid stoner as well because I would probably test positive for THC in a drug test and smell like cigarette smoke.
DrasticActions4: And it never leaves my head; the fact that nobody believes that I am straight edge except the friends I have that actually do drugs.
xanderman2064: I believe you, FYI.
DrasticActions4: Yeah well I was only around you for about 5 hours or so and you have a much higher knowledge than the average 8th grader.
xanderman2064: 11th grader for that matter.
DrasticActions4: Agreed.
DrasticActions4: Now back to living in the bad neighborhood.
DrasticActions4: I was the only white guy there.
DrasticActions4: I got along with everyone on my block
DrasticActions4: But past that block I was in unknown territory.
DrasticActions4: A Boys & Girls club opened up about 2 blocks down the street.
DrasticActions4: I went there, signed up for a membership, and then didn't come back in about 5 months.
DrasticActions4: When I came back 5 months later, all the pool tables, foosball tables, computers, game systems, pretty much all the reasons I went there were trashed.
DrasticActions4: So as a kid
DrasticActions4: With no game system and a extremely crappy computer
DrasticActions4: I had not alot to do.
DrasticActions4: I got a basketball goal for Christmas one year.
DrasticActions4: Looking back, I think that was the best present I ever got.
DrasticActions4: I would ALWAYS shoot hoops.
DrasticActions4: I lived infront of an alley.
DrasticActions4: Crips went down that alley twice.
DrasticActions4: And on both days I happened to be wearing red.
DrasticActions4: Luckily for me, the only rock I got hit by wasn't all that big, but it hit me in the temple.
DrasticActions4: But I kept playing basketball outside in my backyard.
DrasticActions4: Everyday.
DrasticActions4: I've been going to the same school since Kindergarten.
DrasticActions4: Some of my friends I have known for 9 years.
DrasticActions4: But my best friends I've known for 5 or less.
DrasticActions4: All in all, I'm only friends with 2 of the people of my Kindergarten class.
DrasticActions4: I don't hang out or go out much.
DrasticActions4: Whenever I make plans with friends there's a major lack of communication.
DrasticActions4: And on the day I'm supposed to go to see a movie with Jason, I spend the night at Branford's instead.
DrasticActions4: The relation ship between my outer family, aunts, uncles, grandma, and cousins is pretty bad.
DrasticActions4: I fucking miss John and Daniel.
DrasticActions4: I met my cousin John when I was about 8 and he was about 18.
DrasticActions4: He took me to the IMAX at the muesem, and I loved it.
DrasticActions4: And I don't think I've seen him ever since.
DrasticActions4: I like Daniel more.
DrasticActions4: He's been in Fort Worth wih me my entire life.
DrasticActions4: He would get into all kinds of trouble.
DrasticActions4: Went to the slammer.
DrasticActions4: Sent me and my sister a letter. It was nice.
DrasticActions4: All I remember about it was how he could keep up with kids those days enough to know that we both were into Pokemon
DrasticActions4: My Mom says he got into drugs or alcohol. She won't go into details. She says he's in a rehabilitation center.
DrasticActions4: Which is good, I guess.
DrasticActions4: I just hope he's the same when he gets out.
DrasticActions4: My other cousin is Sarah. My Dad's side of the family is much more related than my Mom's side.
DrasticActions4: My Grandma is 90 and still up and around.
DrasticActions4: She finally got her license revoked last year because she wouldn't stop crashing into the Beauty Parlor wall with her Volvo.
DrasticActions4: The ear doctor said that since she lost weight, her hearing aids don't fit anymore.
DrasticActions4: So spending time with her is very annoying.
DrasticActions4: She decides to go out to eat alot. She threw away her dentures, being old and all.
DrasticActions4: So we just have to sit there waiting for her to finish her food.
DrasticActions4: It's a really bad thing to say this, but she needs to hurry up and die. This year she gave me, Rachel, Sarah, and John $500 each.
DrasticActions4: I don't know what her deathbed would be like if she keeps living like that for 5 years or so.
DrasticActions4: So the way I see it, dying would be a good thing. None of our family disagrees with her because we feel horrible about it.
DrasticActions4: Sarah's my closest cousin.
DrasticActions4: She's always been artistic in that hippy kind of way.
DrasticActions4: I haven't thought of her the same nor have really loved her ever since she asked me if I tried marijuana before
DrasticActions4: This last year, I turned 14.
DrasticActions4: My Mom banned me from playing GunZ because you shoot people.
DrasticActions4: She says it leaves a bad impression at this age.
DrasticActions4: 14.
DrasticActions4: She has to be kidding me.
DrasticActions4: I think myself as perfectly sane in every sense, but I guess no one can handle how I act.
DrasticActions4: This is where my Dad kicks in.
DrasticActions4: I blame him for my public awkwardness.
DrasticActions4: I'm monotonous and slur my words.
DrasticActions4: Whenever I'm asked how I'm doing, I always mumble because in my upbringing it was inpolite to say "Shitty, and you?"
DrasticActions4: All my teacher's think I'm a shining beacon of hope.
DrasticActions4: That's why I was put in Algebra 1 instead of regular Honors Math.
DrasticActions4: The only subject I got an A in this semester was PreAP Social Studies, the one class that I actually deserve to be in.
DrasticActions4: I got a 97.5 average in it, while in every other class I got below an 85.
DrasticActions4: That's about all I have.
DrasticActions4: Thank you for listening.
xanderman2064: Wow.
xanderman2064: I'm seriously depressed now.

Just thought I needed to show you what all I've been through so far, incase you were wondering about me.

[Dimitri13]

RE: Before I bottle up again this year,

What.

[Edit] Oh I thought this was TGB because of the contents.

[mead1]

RE: Before I bottle up again this year,

Whoa.

sympathy+1

[Laharl]

RE: Before I bottle up again this year,

Well, that explains a lot of the anger I've felt from you some days.

I think you're a great guy, man. You're 14 and able to keep up with intellectual debates with me, quite soundly. That's impressive because I think I'm a smart guy and master of bullshitting. You also want a Ferrari, which in and of itself isn't that uncommon, but you know more about the cars than I do.

Talk with me on AIM next time you're on.

[Neonatrias]

RE: Before I bottle up again this year,

Hn. Dunno what to say to you. I know a few people who had some pretty rough childhoods, and they all ended up as some of the best people I know. Keep going in the direction you're going, I guess, and don't let society take you down. Society generally sucks anyway.

[The_Q]

RE: Before I bottle up again this year,

I would like to point out something that means a lot to me (because I'm in love with economics).

There was once a young boy. He was black. His father came home every night late, drunk to half-blind and then beat the shit out of him. He grew up in the slums of LA and eventually grew up to become a gangster, selling crack on the streets before he was in high school. He never cared about his education and failed most his classes, but he played basketball very well and intended to get into the NBA someday. At least until he got himself injured and couldn't play anymore.

A counselor told him soon after that that he would have to give up basketball and finally start taking his life seriously. Finally, during his senior year he cleaned himself up and went to Community College nearby. After he got that cleared away he went and took some more classes at a full time university (University of Texas at Arlington, FYI). Amazingly enough, he scratched up enough money to get into Harvard, which wasn't too hard with his current grades. He didn't have to pay that price long, though, because he managed to get himself into a fellowship!

This boy actually managed to get himself out of a scrape and become one of the best known economists of this decade. Roland G. Fryer. I, personally, look up to him almost as much as Milton Friedman and Adam Smith.

If you can do the same with your life, Alden, I'll consider you a god among men.

Q

[Lightknight924]

RE: Before I bottle up again this year,

Yes and God will use you as an example to man as what a person who is pure of heart, no matter where he lives can prove that God can find a way to make all of us suceed, that is if we choose to take his offering. All men are blessed. Those who don't take it for granted ARE GOD AMONGST MAN.

[Tps222]

Please don't turn this religious, it is not needed.

What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger I suppose. I wouldn't get mad at your mom, from the image I recieve of the depiction of where you live, her caring about your exposure to certain content is most definately a good thing. Just remember man, if you ever get down too bad, just remember how someone has it worse off than you. Be it no food, TV, house, caring parents or something. It isn't much, but it's something to think postively about. Get involved in some cool activities, you said you like basketball, try out for the team. Get involved in some new clubs to make some new people. Your afermentioned awkardness and lack of communication with the general masses will go away with age, so don't worry about it. Keep doing well in school, it could be your ticket out of where you don't won't to be.

To me, it seems as you have been taking everything around you on the chin, which is a smart way to go about it. Just stick to what you are doing and things will get better, so just try to relax and plan for the future instead of worrying about the present.

[Mindfields]

Nonononono, I don't like basketball anymore.
I prefer hockey now, maybe soccer. But it's quite likely that at the average Texan High School that I will be attending, there won't be a hockey or soccer team.
I think I'm going to be in Debate. I'm good arguing. Atleast I think so. But I really don't know alot about the high school that I want to go to.
My Home High School is huge. Everybody goes there just because all their friends go there. I don't want to go there just for that. The Principal made it first come first serve for registrations. Now, I don't HAVE to register, they will have to take me in anyways if all else fails.
The High School that I WANT to go to has a Special Interest Program in the Media field, and I discovered about myself that I kind of want to be a reporter or columnist or journalist or something like that.

So I figure I'm going to go ahead and send an application out to Southwest High, and if all else fails I'll go to Paschal.

[SethSquall]

Well. In all honesty im 18, dont have half the stuff to worry about as you and i still moan about life. Give em hell kid. Like someone said. Your one of the few gods amung men.

[Tokzic]

From the impression I've got from you on the forums, I thought you were an intelligent guy, but to live through a whole bunch of stupid shit like that and still manage to keep yourself through it all is something to be proud of. Reminds me of living through Hamilton mountain in until I was 13, where downtown culture seeped its way up. Everyone at my school succumbed to drugs and gangs and other idiotic crap, but I was one of the ones who kept my head down and remembered what really mattered.

You're stubborn as hell. Kudos.

[FluorescentArmy]

I have alot of the same problems, but not with family. It's the neighbors. They are just horrible. I recently just about killed the one because he was stealing my internet because its wireless. He always tries to start fights with me but he knows I will kill him. The one time we did get into a fight and he was down before he could start bragging. Then I gave him a bloody nose and a whole bunch of stuff to his face. Then there is his sister. Stupid half emo whore. She blasts the gayest music at like 4 in the morning, on any day when it will make me snap. Then there's my hyperchondriacal little girl of a brother. He complains about everything. He will fall down on his bike, come inside, and start screaming( Why didnt he scream outside?) and then say it is my fault. And here I am up in my room on these forums or Warcraft and I get yelled at for not "helping him" Oh, and by the way, Spider Bacon is the brother I am talking about. The other one can be cool, but he will hit me for no reasons some times and I will hit him back. My brother, neighbors, and I have huge conflicts. And I usually win^^.