feedback required. plus a contest

[IronMonk]

hello all, i am here to ask a fovor from you.

i need some people to read the story i am writing and give me some feedback. problem is, it is 24 pages long right now.

www.angelfire.com/pro/rylan/my_story.doc

thanks in advance.

the contest is this:

i will give the person who comes up with the best title for this story 800 credits. runner up gets 200. and last place gets laughed at.

[GuidoHunter]

Do you want grammar and style corrections, or just an overall assessment? It'd help if I knew why you wrote this.

I haven't even gotten through the first page, and I see that it needs extensive grammar revisions, but I'm up for doing it. Just tell me if that's what you want and I'll get on it.

--Guido

http://andy.mikee385.com/

[IronMonk]

i already know it is an atrocity against grammer, all i want is style and story feedback.

[IronMonk]

*bump*

[IronMonk]

*bump*

last time then i let this thread die.

[GuidoHunter]

Okay, I've read the first six chapters. I can't believe I got that far, because calling this story an "atrocity against grammar" gives it far too much credit.

However, so far the story's good, as is your style of writing. I think going back and reading it yourself would do a world of good, though. Gimme another day or two and I'll finish it. I'd have it done, but sleep + work = lots of time out of my day.

--Guido

http://andy.mikee385.com

[IronMonk]

thanks a ton.