jello !!
Some of you may know that I'm in the military. You may also know that I'm Torrent, a (washed up) simfile artist. I figured I'd tell y'all why I haven't been around for the past week. Some of you might not have noticed I was gone, but oh well.
Ever since I got to my unit last April, I was very depressed. I didn't like El Paso, my unit, my coworkers, the military. I let it kind of bottle up inside, thinking nothing of it. I was just having trouble adjusting to the full blown military lifestyle, after two years in the reserves (national guard, w/e).
Around late August last year, I attempted suicide. I didn't really think it through (obviously), and it was totally impulsive. But I called 911 and was brought to the hospital. I had attempted to overdose by taking over 25 grams of naproxen. Fortunately, it had already digested through my system and I was sent back to my unit with no hangups. After a bit of a talking to by my first sergeant and commander, I returned to duty. I still hated where I was and what I was doing, but I figured to "man up" and keep my depression bottled inside. Which ended up being the worse possible thing I could do.
I had monthly therapy with a psychiatrist, about my suicide attempt and my depression and my past. Things went well enough. Until last wednesday, when I attempted suicide again.
This time it wasn't impulsive. I had a clear idea of what I was going to do. I had planned on going into my room and cutting until I died of blood loss. But something told me to call 911 again. So I did. And kept cutting myself. After about 10 minutes, dispatch got to my room. Most of what happened afterwards was a blur. I remember getting my arm wrapped in gauze, the hospital room, my boot laces being taken away from me. And then I got submitted into the mental health clinic. Where I stayed for 5 days.
That really allowed me to express my thoughts. What I had done had a very strong effect on me, even if I didn't do much. I talked to the doctors, who did a couple psych tests. Turns out that I have a disorder called adjustment disorder. And PTSD. And ADHD. And bipolar disorder. When the doctor told me this, she asked me if there was anything else that I had left out about myself. I told her that I was done with the army and that I didn't care about it anymore at all.
And so now, I'm being medically discharged. Good 3 years, but it took two suicide attempts to realize that the army isn't for me.
I'll leave you with this: The army definitely isn't for anyone. If you plan on getting married anytime soon though, join. Doesn't matter what branch, really. The military really helps provide for your wife/husband and children (if you have any). Us single folk essentially get ****ed over. It takes a strong will to cope with the various terrible units that you can be assigned to. I'm not saying that I'm weak myself, but I'm not fit for the military.
Don't really know why I'm telling y'all this. Probably just to get it off my chest and so I can answer any questions anyone has for me.
According to my command, I should be gone from Texas by the end of March. Back to Vegas.
Some of you may know that I'm in the military. You may also know that I'm Torrent, a (washed up) simfile artist. I figured I'd tell y'all why I haven't been around for the past week. Some of you might not have noticed I was gone, but oh well.
Ever since I got to my unit last April, I was very depressed. I didn't like El Paso, my unit, my coworkers, the military. I let it kind of bottle up inside, thinking nothing of it. I was just having trouble adjusting to the full blown military lifestyle, after two years in the reserves (national guard, w/e).
Around late August last year, I attempted suicide. I didn't really think it through (obviously), and it was totally impulsive. But I called 911 and was brought to the hospital. I had attempted to overdose by taking over 25 grams of naproxen. Fortunately, it had already digested through my system and I was sent back to my unit with no hangups. After a bit of a talking to by my first sergeant and commander, I returned to duty. I still hated where I was and what I was doing, but I figured to "man up" and keep my depression bottled inside. Which ended up being the worse possible thing I could do.
I had monthly therapy with a psychiatrist, about my suicide attempt and my depression and my past. Things went well enough. Until last wednesday, when I attempted suicide again.
This time it wasn't impulsive. I had a clear idea of what I was going to do. I had planned on going into my room and cutting until I died of blood loss. But something told me to call 911 again. So I did. And kept cutting myself. After about 10 minutes, dispatch got to my room. Most of what happened afterwards was a blur. I remember getting my arm wrapped in gauze, the hospital room, my boot laces being taken away from me. And then I got submitted into the mental health clinic. Where I stayed for 5 days.
That really allowed me to express my thoughts. What I had done had a very strong effect on me, even if I didn't do much. I talked to the doctors, who did a couple psych tests. Turns out that I have a disorder called adjustment disorder. And PTSD. And ADHD. And bipolar disorder. When the doctor told me this, she asked me if there was anything else that I had left out about myself. I told her that I was done with the army and that I didn't care about it anymore at all.
And so now, I'm being medically discharged. Good 3 years, but it took two suicide attempts to realize that the army isn't for me.
I'll leave you with this: The army definitely isn't for anyone. If you plan on getting married anytime soon though, join. Doesn't matter what branch, really. The military really helps provide for your wife/husband and children (if you have any). Us single folk essentially get ****ed over. It takes a strong will to cope with the various terrible units that you can be assigned to. I'm not saying that I'm weak myself, but I'm not fit for the military.
Don't really know why I'm telling y'all this. Probably just to get it off my chest and so I can answer any questions anyone has for me.
According to my command, I should be gone from Texas by the end of March. Back to Vegas.
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