Help! (Funny people, apply within)

[MalReynolds]

I've somehow managed to get myself into a predicament. I'm MCing a burrito eating contest for Q-doba, and somehow mananged to completely forget I was doing this. It's on Sunday, from 5:00-7:00, and I just need some jokes, preferrably burrito related, and somewhat clean. This is to support cancer research, so, you'd be helping me out just a little bit.

Thanks much!

By the way, I pay nothing and there are no benefits.

[benguino]

Re: Help! (Funny people, apply within)

You could do some stand up comedy of why the hell does burrito also rymhe with doritos, fritos, and cheetos.

[Tasselfoot]

Re: Help! (Funny people, apply within)

something about taco meat and diarrhea. that's all i got.

[blackjack2300]

Re: Help! (Funny people, apply within)

these are bad but oh well
What did the burrito say after eating?
I'm stuffed.
What did the burrito director say after filming a scene?
That's a wrap.

[MalReynolds]

Re: Help! (Funny people, apply within)

The first one could work really well with Woody Allen neurotic-type delivery.

[Tibs]

Re: Help! (Funny people, apply within)

Open an anecdote with "So I was eating a burrito the other day" and then trail off and start telling a story completely unrelated to burritos.

[Squeek]

Re: Help! (Funny people, apply within)

http://www.songstowearpantsto.com/songs/celtic-techno-burrito/

[All_That_Chaz]

Re: Help! (Funny people, apply within)

Metaphors solve everything. We're all in this together putting ingredients of caring and donations into the cure burrito.

[devonin]

Re: Help! (Funny people, apply within)

I don't believe there are any burrito related jokes that are both funny -and- clean.

[All_That_Chaz]

Re: Help! (Funny people, apply within)

it's for cancer research. corny will suffice.

[MalReynolds]

Re: Help! (Funny people, apply within)

What do burritos and cheddar cheese have in common?

They both give me hot butt lava!

ba-dum-ching

[Shadowcliff]

Re: Help! (Funny people, apply within)

LOL, Qdoba burritos are amazing, but after 3/4 of one I'm just about full. Good luck.

PS. I have no non-lame burrito jokes to tell.

[MalReynolds]

Re: Help! (Funny people, apply within)

Okay, so, here's the report:

I did fine. I'm quick on my feet and charismatic, so it worked out.

One dude threw up on his plate and ate it again because tossing your cookies = disqualification... And he didn't even win. It was heinous.

First place at 5 3/4 burritos, second ate 5 1/2. There was a tie for third - four way tie, each ate exactly five. Two college kids, one sixteen year old girl, and one older guy with 2 kids. They had a showdown - the two college kids walked away - one literally hopped the fence and just wandered off, the other took the burritos home with him. The girl ate 1, and the guy dominated her, polishing off two even after she pushed her plate away and I told him he didn't need to keep going. He was kind of a jerk, too.

Anyways, it was good times.

[All_That_Chaz]

Re: Help! (Funny people, apply within)

How did they have a showdown for an eating contest? Did they wait a day to recover or something?

[igotrhythm]

Re: Help! (Funny people, apply within)

That anecdote almost made me hurl as well...nice job making it out in one piece, though. I'm guessing either they didn't have too long (20 minutes, probably) or the burritos were freaking huge.