I'm gonna type one a day from his book, Napalm and Silly Putty.
I'll start with 6, where I randomly flipped to a page (and typed them all out myself):
"In a package of bacon, underneath all the neat horizontal strips, there's always one oddly-folded piece that seems to have been thrown in at the last moment." - George Carlin
"What is all this dinner-and-a-movie shit? Why can't people just go somewhere and fuck for three or four hours? - George Carlin
"In restaurants where they serve frog's legs, what do they do with the rest of the frog? Do they just throw it away? You never see "frog torsos" on the menu. Is there actually a garbage can full of frog bodies in the alley? I wouldn't want to be a homeless guy looking for an unfinished cheeseburger and open the lid on that" - George Carlin
"A crumb is a great thing: If you break a crumb in half, you don't get two half-crumbs, you get two crumbs. Doesn't that violate some law of physics?" - George Carlin
"Have you ever tried to throw away an old wastebasket? You can't do it. People keep bringing it back: "Here, Howie, I found your wastebasket in the garbage." Apparently, you have to completely destroy a wastebasket in order to convince people you really don't want it anymore." - George Carlin
"Didn't the first guy who wore a sombrero realize it was completely impractical when eating pussy?" - George Carlin
I'll start with 6, where I randomly flipped to a page (and typed them all out myself):
"In a package of bacon, underneath all the neat horizontal strips, there's always one oddly-folded piece that seems to have been thrown in at the last moment." - George Carlin
"What is all this dinner-and-a-movie shit? Why can't people just go somewhere and fuck for three or four hours? - George Carlin
"In restaurants where they serve frog's legs, what do they do with the rest of the frog? Do they just throw it away? You never see "frog torsos" on the menu. Is there actually a garbage can full of frog bodies in the alley? I wouldn't want to be a homeless guy looking for an unfinished cheeseburger and open the lid on that" - George Carlin
"A crumb is a great thing: If you break a crumb in half, you don't get two half-crumbs, you get two crumbs. Doesn't that violate some law of physics?" - George Carlin
"Have you ever tried to throw away an old wastebasket? You can't do it. People keep bringing it back: "Here, Howie, I found your wastebasket in the garbage." Apparently, you have to completely destroy a wastebasket in order to convince people you really don't want it anymore." - George Carlin
"Didn't the first guy who wore a sombrero realize it was completely impractical when eating pussy?" - George Carlin
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