Once upon a time, in a magical land far, far away, lived a young lad named wickedawesomeful. Wickedawesomeful's school decided to upgrade their computers. The generous school offered wickedawesomeful a computer. He took it, thinking, "What could go wrong?" Oh, if he only knew.
He took the computer home, plugged it in, and turned it on. Unfortunately, the beast was savage. Contradicting the sticker on the top of the tower that clearly stated that the hard drive had been wiped with one of the many free utilities found on the Internet, the computer booted to Windows XP Professional edition. It attempted to connect to the school network, and naturally, could not find it. It went into a screaming rage, and poor wickedawesomeful, only able to access the student account, which was incapable of accessing admin utilities. Indeed, it was even unable to change the background on this machine. The power button was pressed pressed, and the computer was left to sit in silence.
The next day, wickedawesomeful ransacked his house in search of his Windows XP disk. Finding it, he put it in the computer's CD drive, and booted up. He pressed the delete key at startup, and brought up the BIOS menu, hoping to change the boot order from A, C to CDROM, A, C. Lo and behold, there was a password on the BIOS, leaving wickedawesomeful completely unable to even access it. Wickedawesomeful screamed with frustration, and went downstairs to try and find six high density floppy disks to burn the Windows XP Bootable Floppy disks on. After scrounging around in the basement for the better part of an hour, and only coming up with five floppy disks, he emerged, utterly disgusted. He walked all the way to Office Max in order to pick up another pack of floppies.
When he got home, he got on his working computer and inserted the first drive into the floppy disk. Skillfully, he moved his mouth with ninja-like grace, and double clicked on the Windows XP Floppy Boot Disk Burning tool. After what seemed like six hours but was really only about forty-five minutes, the disks were burned. Triumphantly, he went upstairs and placed the first disk in the computer's floppy drive.
At first, everything seemed to go perfectly. The computer booted to the floppy, and then asked for the XP CD. Wickedawesomeful, tasting victory, placed it into the CD drive. It auto-formatted the C drive, created a partition, and attempted to install XP in it. Unfortunately, when installation was 7% complete, the computer displayed an error message: "Error - Could not complete installation process. Shutting down." Wickedawesomeful, being so close to victory, was enraged. He tried it three more times, only to achieve the same result.
Wickedawesomeful scoured the internet, searching for something that would show him the BIOS password. He found a free program called !BIOS, and booted up the computer again, intending to run the program from the mighty Memorex 1GB flash drive. Unfortunately, wickedawesomeful had forgotten that he had formatted the drive before he attempted to clean install XP, thus, the computer was devoid of any operating system, leaving wickedawesomeful no way to run the .exe. "So," wickedawesomeful said, "it all comes down to this. I need a BIOS password. And I will MAKE YOU GIVE IT TO ME!"
Wickedawesomeful let out a battle cry, and ripped the cover of the computer tower. Plunging his hands into the innards of the computer, he ripped out the small, watch battery like power supply for the BIOS and reinserted it, effectively resetting the BIOS defaults and removing the BIOS password. Wickedawesomeful booted it up, changed the boot order from A, C to CDROM, A, C, and proceeded to successfully install XP. "Phew," he said. "Sure glad that's over."
But it wasn't. The dreaded bubble alert came up, reminding wickedawesomeful to "Activate your copy of Windows now!" Unfortunately, it was an illegal copy of Windows, so that would be a problem. "OK," wickedawesomeful said. "I can do this, I'll just find some way around it." Again, he turned to the Internet, and found another program that stated it would activate the computer. However, like the dumb fuck he is, wickedawesomeful forgot to scan it for viruses, and, clearly backing up Murphy's Law, it decimated his computer. "Noooooooooooooooo!" wickedawesomeful said. Every time he turned on the computer, it would reach the login screen, and then power off. He tried safe mode. Same result. In desperation, he went downstairs and grabbed an old hard drive containing Windows 98. He plugged it in, set the jumpers so the computer would recognize it as a slave, and booted to it. Windows 98, that retarded piece of shit we all hated, booted up. After waiting an hour and a half for it to install drivers for every piece of hardware on the machine, from hard drives to mouse ports, wickedawesomeful clicked the "My Computer" icon. "I'll just format the other hard drive from here," he thought.
It didn't work. Whatever he tried, 98 would not recognize the second hard drive. He booted to MS-DOS mode and attempted to format it, but it still didn't work.
He downloaded a program called DBAN. You burned the disc image to a floppy or CD, and then booted to them, and it would erase all data on all hard drives it could find. Unfortunately, it was at this time that the CD drive and the Floppy drive decided to fail... AT THE SAME TIME. Muttering, wickedawesomeful went and bought replacements.
Finally, he was able to boot to DBAN, and was able to clean install XP.
He took the computer home, plugged it in, and turned it on. Unfortunately, the beast was savage. Contradicting the sticker on the top of the tower that clearly stated that the hard drive had been wiped with one of the many free utilities found on the Internet, the computer booted to Windows XP Professional edition. It attempted to connect to the school network, and naturally, could not find it. It went into a screaming rage, and poor wickedawesomeful, only able to access the student account, which was incapable of accessing admin utilities. Indeed, it was even unable to change the background on this machine. The power button was pressed pressed, and the computer was left to sit in silence.
The next day, wickedawesomeful ransacked his house in search of his Windows XP disk. Finding it, he put it in the computer's CD drive, and booted up. He pressed the delete key at startup, and brought up the BIOS menu, hoping to change the boot order from A, C to CDROM, A, C. Lo and behold, there was a password on the BIOS, leaving wickedawesomeful completely unable to even access it. Wickedawesomeful screamed with frustration, and went downstairs to try and find six high density floppy disks to burn the Windows XP Bootable Floppy disks on. After scrounging around in the basement for the better part of an hour, and only coming up with five floppy disks, he emerged, utterly disgusted. He walked all the way to Office Max in order to pick up another pack of floppies.
When he got home, he got on his working computer and inserted the first drive into the floppy disk. Skillfully, he moved his mouth with ninja-like grace, and double clicked on the Windows XP Floppy Boot Disk Burning tool. After what seemed like six hours but was really only about forty-five minutes, the disks were burned. Triumphantly, he went upstairs and placed the first disk in the computer's floppy drive.
At first, everything seemed to go perfectly. The computer booted to the floppy, and then asked for the XP CD. Wickedawesomeful, tasting victory, placed it into the CD drive. It auto-formatted the C drive, created a partition, and attempted to install XP in it. Unfortunately, when installation was 7% complete, the computer displayed an error message: "Error - Could not complete installation process. Shutting down." Wickedawesomeful, being so close to victory, was enraged. He tried it three more times, only to achieve the same result.
Wickedawesomeful scoured the internet, searching for something that would show him the BIOS password. He found a free program called !BIOS, and booted up the computer again, intending to run the program from the mighty Memorex 1GB flash drive. Unfortunately, wickedawesomeful had forgotten that he had formatted the drive before he attempted to clean install XP, thus, the computer was devoid of any operating system, leaving wickedawesomeful no way to run the .exe. "So," wickedawesomeful said, "it all comes down to this. I need a BIOS password. And I will MAKE YOU GIVE IT TO ME!"
Wickedawesomeful let out a battle cry, and ripped the cover of the computer tower. Plunging his hands into the innards of the computer, he ripped out the small, watch battery like power supply for the BIOS and reinserted it, effectively resetting the BIOS defaults and removing the BIOS password. Wickedawesomeful booted it up, changed the boot order from A, C to CDROM, A, C, and proceeded to successfully install XP. "Phew," he said. "Sure glad that's over."
But it wasn't. The dreaded bubble alert came up, reminding wickedawesomeful to "Activate your copy of Windows now!" Unfortunately, it was an illegal copy of Windows, so that would be a problem. "OK," wickedawesomeful said. "I can do this, I'll just find some way around it." Again, he turned to the Internet, and found another program that stated it would activate the computer. However, like the dumb fuck he is, wickedawesomeful forgot to scan it for viruses, and, clearly backing up Murphy's Law, it decimated his computer. "Noooooooooooooooo!" wickedawesomeful said. Every time he turned on the computer, it would reach the login screen, and then power off. He tried safe mode. Same result. In desperation, he went downstairs and grabbed an old hard drive containing Windows 98. He plugged it in, set the jumpers so the computer would recognize it as a slave, and booted to it. Windows 98, that retarded piece of shit we all hated, booted up. After waiting an hour and a half for it to install drivers for every piece of hardware on the machine, from hard drives to mouse ports, wickedawesomeful clicked the "My Computer" icon. "I'll just format the other hard drive from here," he thought.
It didn't work. Whatever he tried, 98 would not recognize the second hard drive. He booted to MS-DOS mode and attempted to format it, but it still didn't work.
He downloaded a program called DBAN. You burned the disc image to a floppy or CD, and then booted to them, and it would erase all data on all hard drives it could find. Unfortunately, it was at this time that the CD drive and the Floppy drive decided to fail... AT THE SAME TIME. Muttering, wickedawesomeful went and bought replacements.
Finally, he was able to boot to DBAN, and was able to clean install XP.
EL FIN
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