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  • Layladay
    FFR Player
    • Sep 2004
    • 44

    #1

    Please comment

    this poem is by my 12 year old cousin.

    It was Just Too Late.

    There once was a young girl, who no one heard,
    Not a look, not a thought, not a touch, not a word.
    So one day, not cold, not hot, just cool,
    A young boy stopped her and said "how do you do?"
    After some years they fell deeply in love,
    Until one day, something happened.
    On the way to the little boys house, she got hit by a car,
    But the little girl's life hadnt got very far.
    Only god had decided her fate,
    I guess little boy, It was Just too late.
    You want me dont you.
    I know you do.
    Im every woman.
  • Tasselfoot
    Retired BOSS
    FFR Simfile Author
    • Jul 2003
    • 25185

    #2
    RE: Please comment

    me thinks thine cousin doth protest too much...

    why are pre-teens thinking/writing about love and death? they should be thinking about dolls and GI Joe and saturday morning cartoons...
    RIP

    Comment

    • Moogy
      嗚呼
      FFR Simfile Author
      • Aug 2003
      • 10303

      #3
      RE: Please comment

      What Tasselfoot said.
      Plz visit my blog

      ^^^ vintage signature from like 2006 preserved

      Comment

      • zajac
        aka uAnimals
        FFR Music Producer
        • Aug 2003
        • 4050

        #4
        RE: Please comment

        What Moogy said.
        Originally posted by Spec & Aperson
        We Rate You: Cool Motherfucer. 9/10

        Comment

        • tnyhwk900
          FFR Player
          FFR Simfile Author
          • May 2003
          • 4106

          #5
          RE: Please comment

          Preteens aren't THAT much of kids, older folks. GI Joe and saturday morning cartoons are around the 9-10 year old area.

          Comment

          • jewpinthethird
            (The Fat's Sabobah)
            FFR Music Producer
            • Nov 2002
            • 11711

            #6
            "On the way to the little boys house, she got hit by a car"
            Attached Files

            Comment

            • Moogy
              嗚呼
              FFR Simfile Author
              • Aug 2003
              • 10303

              #7
              Jewpin wins at life.
              Plz visit my blog

              ^^^ vintage signature from like 2006 preserved

              Comment

              • Kilgamayan
                Super Scooter Happy
                FFR Simfile Author
                • Feb 2003
                • 6583

                #8
                The guy's face is priceless.
                I watched clouds awobbly from the floor o' that kayak. Souls cross ages like clouds cross skies, an' tho' a cloud's shape nor hue nor size don't stay the same, it's still a cloud an' so is a soul. Who can say where the cloud's blowed from or who the soul'll be 'morrow? Only Sonmi the east an' the west an' the compass an' the atlas, yay, only the atlas o' clouds.

                Comment

                • Afrobean
                  Admiral in the Red Army
                  • Dec 2003
                  • 13262

                  #9
                  I really like how it takes a while for the guy driving the car to frown as a result of hitting the girl.

                  Comment

                  • Moogy
                    嗚呼
                    FFR Simfile Author
                    • Aug 2003
                    • 10303

                    #10
                    Oh yeah. I forgot to mention the fact that the poem is almost completely incoherent.
                    Plz visit my blog

                    ^^^ vintage signature from like 2006 preserved

                    Comment

                    • zildjian133
                      FFR Player
                      • May 2003
                      • 1138

                      #11
                      Jewpin wins the debate

                      Comment

                      • jewpinthethird
                        (The Fat's Sabobah)
                        FFR Music Producer
                        • Nov 2002
                        • 11711

                        #12
                        The poem, though not bad, had no depth. There is more to poems than just rhymming structure.

                        Comment

                        • Anticrombie0909
                          FFR Player
                          • Jul 2003
                          • 4683

                          #13
                          I give it an F+. F for failure. Plus for plus.

                          Comment

                          • Kenzya
                            FFR Player
                            • Jan 2004
                            • 3411

                            #14
                            Real poets make up words.

                            One Time I Sucked Six in a Row (Locust Toybox Remix)
                            Write to me Stick Stickly p.o. box 963 New York City New York State 10108
                            I'm Still Alive

                            Comment

                            • Cenright
                              You thought I was a GUY?!
                              • Sep 2003
                              • 3139

                              #15
                              I can see the beginnings of parallelism and rhythm forming. I would say for someone who is 12, it was done pretty well.
                              http://www.flashflashrevolution.com/...Cube_in_55.mpg

                              Comment

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