FFR, I have a problem, and I need your help.

[A2P]

I have a problem. I have this friend (who we will call, "Eeyore") who is depressed at a very high level. You see, last year, Eeyore had kicked it with this lady from a different country. They were a loving couple, would always say how much they loved each other...you know, all that cheesy lovey-dovey shit, which is fine because they were happy. They were happy...until their relationship had reached Armageddon.

Eeyore had been dumped by the international lady, and ever since then, Eeyore had been extremely depressed about it. He had gone to so many different therapy sessions, cried so many tears, and at one point, Eeyore had attempted to end it all. Now...thankfully, Eeyore is still with us.

But the bad news is, 6 months later, he's still not over her. She had blocked Eeyore from contact on facebook, and refuses to talk things out. He claims that she was his one and only true love, and doesn't seem to show any signs of improvement. He says this DESPITE having at least 4 different women (that I know of) that wanna get with him! I have tried many times to help him see this, that he's torturing himself with this self-despair, and that she is indeed a heartless bitch who's not worth sulking over, but every time I say this, Eeyore gives me the same response: "She was my one true love, and I'll never get over her."

...SO! That's where you guys come in. How can I help my friend Eeyore get over his ex, and have him live a better life for himself? How can I remedy Eeyore's depression? I'm worried about him. I'm worried that he actually is going to cause a great deal of pain to himself, which would result in a lot of tears shed by me, and many others. Is there any magic advice that I could give him that could make him happy once again? Please, I need your help.

[igotrhythm]

Re: FFR, I have a problem, and I need your help.

If this turns into another Denko Saga I will pay a hobo to shiv you in the ass.

On the off chance that you're serious about this, six months of you trying to help him and failing probably means that it's time for Eeyore to see a therapist. You already mentioned he's attempted suicide once...it's a pretty safe bet that he's beyond your ability to bring him back.

[A2P]

Re: FFR, I have a problem, and I need your help.

For the record, I am serious.

[nois-or-e]

Re: FFR, I have a problem, and I need your help.

Give the girl in question $20 to punch him in the balls so that his body can help convince his mind it is never gonna happen, then drag him to a therapist.

Not meaning any offence to your friend, but this is a pathetic situation I've seen a few friends get into over the years. There is a TON of people out there, and if the person you love doesn't love you then it isn't meant to be. Be a man about it. Grab a teaspoon of cement and harden the **** up, deal with it, move right along.

//end what your friend needs to hear

[SkRAWRk]

Re: FFR, I have a problem, and I need your help.

The fact that there's other girls that want him isn't exactly key if he's still pining for her. You just have to somehow convince him that there's still a lot left for him and he can move on. Basic repetition works with this sometimes; make sure you repeatedly inform him of what he does have that definitely makes his life worth living. I'm not sure what these things are in this case, but things like job/education prospects, family, a large group of friends, hobbies/passions, etc. work often.

Or just drag him out one time and have the other girls be there. He might just be reluctant to open up again; you have to show him how much of a good time he can have being single and without her.

[Cavernio]

Re: FFR, I have a problem, and I need your help.

There's more to life than a lover. Try reminding him of that. If he doesn't agree, ask him to think about other things that he enjoys that aren't related to her...anything else that he likes. If he can't find anything he enjoys, then I'd say it's time for a doctor, not just a therapist.

Perhaps he feels like he needs to pine after her in order to love her, or needs to make himself miserable over her to make himself truly feel like he loves her, or something. Like, telling him to just get over her isn't working apparently, she's too special to him for that, so maybe 'getting over her' will cheapen or somehow lessen what they once had. I don't think this is the case, but It's obvious she'll always hold a special place in his heart, but he's free to live his life without her.

I would focus not on getting over her, but rather filling his life with other things. I would also avoid getting him to date or make out or whatever either. It will ultimately remind him of his ex which is more likely to get him to brood.

Also try reminding him that while being with her might have been the happiest time of his life and he may never feel that way again (regardless of whether or not he'll fall in love again...he thinks he won't, so keep in his mindset), the best way to honor their relationship is to use the memory as something to be cherished and enjoyed. To get hung up over it is making something bad of what was something good.

It's a good thing that he doesn't tell you 'I am going to be with her again' or something. Take small victories where you can get them. On that note, make sure he's not still hoping to be with her...

[Hateandhatred]

Re: FFR, I have a problem, and I need your help.

FFR: Formidable Front of all Relationships

In all seriousness, it's either what Nois-Or-E said, or just bear with it as he's gonna get over it with time. As every single person in the world does (unless he's gonna kill himself, which would most likely have already happened).

[Mau5]

Re: FFR, I have a problem, and I need your help.

He'll get over her when you present him with a new set of boobs.

Every person has believed they have or have lost their one true love and they'll never get over them, some just take more time to get over them. He will though, everyone does.

[Hateandhatred]

Re: FFR, I have a problem, and I need your help.

He'll get over her when you present him with a new set of boobs.

Every person has believed they have or have lost their one true love and they'll never get over them, some just take more time to get over them. He will though, everyone does.

The last part isn't really true, there's a low chance of no recovery. But if it's the case, your friend might need some serious help from professionnals. But if it's the case, it's mostly not due to the actual girl but to more severe problems he got from that lost.

[Syhto]

Re: FFR, I have a problem, and I need your help.

sounds like he needs closure to me, and he has to get it from somewhere. if it's not going to be from her, he will have to bring it about from inside himself. and that can take a lot of time. In the mean-time, maybe he should stop referring to her as his "one true love" because he's just reaffirming that he doesn't have what he wants. if she blocked him and wants nothing to do with him, then there's something going on in here that's pulling on his heart chords, things he needs to get off his chest and figure out regarding their relationship. She is totally in the wrong for not talking this out with him. Then again, he may be a die-hard type that can be very difficult for some to handle.

either way, he will have to grow from this and eventually figure out why it went wrong and accept it, then forgive himself and her. there are lessons to be learned here, you cannot cover up his hurt with other girls or by saying the one he loves is a bitch, no, that just won't do. he has to see the reality of the relationship and grow from it. it's about carrying on and facing the next challenge, there will always be new challenges. this one is finally under his belt. cheesy romances like that are usually immature and don't last long as it is; so he is cycling through the same emotions in his heart. the longing and wishful thinking, etc. it's a growing up process. 6 months of grieving still probably isn't enough cause he had his brain tied in knots.

it's not that life isn't about relationships, this is his life. he has to deal with it on his own. if he's lost the will to deal with it, so be it then. tell him he has to learn to grow or even learn to learn. that's just life. once he knows he is the one that needs to get a handle on things, I'd stop trying to help him, or worrying about him. at that point its all his deal. if she's over it, good for her. no use trying to talk sense into him past that point.

[UserNameGoesHere]

Re: FFR, I have a problem, and I need your help.

There's a good chance the girl may have left your friend because he was too clingy/etc as well. Basically this stuff right here -- this "I can't go on without you" stuff.

What makes this girl special in particular? What does he see in her? Or was she just at the right place/right time to fulfill his attachment needs at that time and he can't let go?