When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if it's not, mmmmmmm, boy.
Deep Thoughts by Jack handy
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A genius can pick up a grain of sand and envision. A stipid man will go out, roll around in some seaweed, stand up, and yell "Hey look! I'm Vine Man!"
That and Uncle Caveman are my two favorite ones. ^_^The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.Comment
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Contrary to popular belief, the most dangerous animal is not the lion or tiger or even the elephant. The most dangerous animal is a shark riding on an elephant, just trampling and eating everything they see.
Even though I was their captive, the Indians allowed me quite a bit of freedom. I could walk freely, make my own meals, and even hurl large rocks at their heads. It was only later that I discovered that they were not Indiansat all, but only dirty-clothes hampers.


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The next time I have meat and mashed potatoes, I think I'll put a very large blob of potatoes on my plate with just a little piece of meat. And if someone asks me why I didn't get more meat, I'll just say, "Oh, you mean this?" and pull out a big piece of meat from inside the blob of potatoes, where I've hidden it. Good magic trick, huh?
I need to try that.
woot for necromancy!Comment

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