The Pebble
Posted on: May 15, 2014, at 09:39:25pm

I bet you can't guess who I am, but I can explain how I feel.
The best way to express it is like a long lost pebble.
A pebble found in a mine where all the miners are looking for special stones.
Little did anyone know that this pebble carried a rare gem deep inside it.
The pebble came to explore the world when a young female miner had mined it out.
Except the pebble fell into the miners pocket and was taken to her home.
The miner cleans out her clothing outside to get rid of all the rocks.
Making sure she doesn't have any rocks inside her house and the pebble falls onto the cement.
The pebble is lost on its own, with no one to discover its true beauty.
Throughout the day the pebble is pushed and abused with cars and people.
Cars would run over it and people would kick it around for their own amusement.
Yet nobody had decided to pick up the pebble and look inside.
The pebble lets people take advantage of it as if its just waiting for the right person.

That is how my life is, where I constantly look for the right person to open me up.
Yet I feel like I failed multiple times and can't get it right.
I strived hard to keep people happy and let them do what they wanted with me.
It was like I was their tool to happiness.
As long as they were happy, I was happy.

The pebble traveled all around, hoping someone would pick it up.
It went through rough times where it was placed in a brick wall and torn down.
Used up and beaten up.
Went through fires and dumpsters but nobody saw the pebble as something that was special.
The pebble just needed to be opened up a little so someone could appreciate it.
It would have little pieces of rock falling off but never enough for people to see the special gem.
Many other pebbles and rocks were found to be special because they shined out their beauty.
But the pebble just needed that little opening because it wanted to shine out to the right person.
Unlike all the others who shined out, trying to compete with each other to see who is best.
The pebble went through hurricanes, tsunamis, tornados and many natural disasters.
Until one day the pebble was at it's last piece of life.
The pebbles special gem was slowly dying because it needed something...
Love.

It was laying next many rocks near a lake.
A young man comes and sits on a larger rock listening to his music.
When he sees the pebble and picks it up.
The pebble was so happy that someone had finally picked it up.
The young man was around his lower twenties and was tossing the rock back and forth between his hands.
After a while he examined it and was curious about the pebble.
He didn't know why he was so interested when someone called him.
The young man lifts his head as he is called; it was his lover.
He gets up with the rock in his hand and looks at it again.
He looks up at the lake and lifts up his hand that has the pebble high up.
And tosses the pebble into the lake to try to get it to skip across the lake.
Although the pebble only made it halfway across the lake and soon drowned.
When it reached the bottom it hit a bunch of other pebbles who's inner beauty was never shown.
Nobody opened these pebbles to see how special they were because the world is too shallow.
The pebble realizes that it is never to be found and accepts its fate.
It belonged in the lake where nobody can reach it.

Here I was older and still have not found a lover, just like the little pebble.
That pebble was how my life was, where I constantly kept trying and got no where.
I felt like I was nothing and had no chance of finding someone.
I am a human who failed to look at other pebbles beauty.
Not that I was shallow but because I was blinded.
The pebble had a chance at finding someone, if it had only never moved.
It should have let someone find it, just as I shouldn't have let someone find me.
But I kept looking and looking while I passed the one person who could have been my world.
I let myself get hurt so many times and now I just want someone to find me because now I can't go anywhere.
I'm trapped inside a box just like the pebble in the lake, its like I'm suffocating.
And yet no one will ever find me...open me up and see my beauty.
It feels like I am never meant to be opened and remain alone.

But someone did find the little pebble in the lake...
A man who went swimming into the lake and saw the pebble shining only to him.
The suns reflection hit the pebble just perfect for the man to swim down and get it.
And when that pebble was found, I, too, was found.
Yet, I have so many bruises and heart aches that now I fear opening up.
I want to stay in my little ball and never open up...
Even though I have you, I'm scared that what you find is not special to you.
Yet I want someone to open me up completely.
I want to be found.
Yet I'm so afraid to fail again.

-Sika 3/31/13