Focusing Emotions
Posted on: September 5, 2008, at 07:52:59pm

I Have Been Thinking About Life A Lot Lately. I Know It Will Sound Like I'm Depressed And All That, But I Am Not.
Anyways,I Thought About How People Affect Me. How My Emotions Get The Best Of Me, I Always think About That Stuff. I Am Starting To Get Confused A Lot Because I Don't Want To Have Emotions, I Want To Get Rid Of Them. I Have Numbed Up A Few Of Them To Where I Just Don't Care About Anything Really. Which Is Really Bad For Me. [(For My Poems Anyways I Haven't Thought About A Good Poem Since Well A Few Weeks Ago. The Ones That I Have Posted Are Old.)] I Get Really Irritated Easily With My Mom. But The Punishments That I Get, Which Is Just Basically Being Yelled Back At, I Just Don't Mind. But My Actions Don't Show That. I Think My Body Is So Use To Caring That It Works Without My Brain Helping It Or Something. Because Well I Can't Focus Much Anymore. I Would Just Think. And If I'm Walking I Would Bump Into People, Even when I Notice Them. I Can't Remember Much Anymore Because I Just Don't Really Care. I Can't Pay Attention 'Cause I'm Too Busy Thinking About My Life.
I Think I Need a Shrink!

I Noticed That Only My Anger Gets The Best Of Me. I Don't Get Happy Because Apparently I'm Missing Joy In My Life. I Don't Want To Deal With Emotions, To Have The Pain Of Heart Brakes, The Embarrassment Of Humiliation, Ect.

I Get Confused Because Nothing Adds Up In My Head. I Can't Figure Out How To Get Them All Numbed Up.
Because Of My Personality Of Being The Leader
( Which I Don't Really Show In My Actions) I Have To Just Retaliate To Words Thrown At Me. Then I Get Really Pissed Off At Myself For That Action. Which Ends Up With Me Thinking Of How To Not End Up Reacting To It. Which I Get Confused About Cause I Do Not Have That Self Control. I Guess It Will Take Me Awhile To Really Get Control Of Myself. I Mean Come On I'm Only Thirteen. In Angered Situations With My Family I Normally Win Because I Know How To Use My Words To Find Your WeakNess And Make You Break. I Also Realize That I Can Only Think About These Things When I'm Alone And It's Quiet. I Can't Concentrate.I Keep People Out Of My Head. For Even If I Explain These Things To You. You Will Never Understand. I Don't Like Attention. I HATE It When People Ask Me What Is Wrong. I Will End Up Thinking Of 10 Ways Of How To Kill You. Don't Ever Explain Useless Things To Me. Unless I Ask, Cause Then You Are Using Up Valuable Space In My Memory, That I Could Be Using For More Important Useless Things.

I Like To Figure Things Out. Like My Life And How It Works. How I can Get Set Off. How It Feels To Be This Way And What Happened To Make Me Feel That. I Observe People And See How They React To Things And I Try To Get Inside Their Head. I Like To Be Alone .. Have Peoples Presences Out Of My Reach. I Like Being This Way. But I Want To Know Why. So I'm Stuck Thinking About My Life And Existence.
Curiosity Kills The Cat!

I Remember When I Never Wanted Anyone Inside My Head/Life. Well They can't Really Know If They Never Read These And Asked Me.. I Feel Like I Don't Know Myself. I Know That These Are Confusing A Bit. But I Feel Like I Just Have To Get It Out.
Maybe That Is Why I'm Searching So Hard

1. 1: *cherryblossom*
   Posted at 5:21pm on September 7th, 2008

   ive been feeling like that alot latly!
   and i try to keep myself preoccupied so i dont think about all that. its so strange
2. 2: EtherCloud
   Posted at 11:10am on September 8th, 2008

   I could go into details on what you said but currently about 1/3 of the world feels the same (hard to find your place in the scheme of things) (dont become a christian follower it is NOT a purpose) your not alone i went through that identity crisis phase it only gets better as you find yourself.
3. 3: tuv
   Posted at 3:03pm on September 8th, 2008

   you said "I Don't Get Happy Because Apparently I'm Missing Joy In My Life." I used to be like this. A way I went around it was to think of something tat makes me happy, (no mater how stupid or morbid it is as long as it makes you happy) and think about it often. Another approach was to set a personal goal and try to get pausitive energy from when i was getting closer to complition... another way you can get through the day is to think of ways to harm your enemies... hope I helped.
4. 4: xxdestroyahxx
   Posted at 11:08pm on September 11th, 2008

   You There! So Simple Yet So Confused It Would Be Fun To Keep An Eye On You. All You Need Is Some Self Disipline. I Have Alot Of Control Over Emotion But It Sucks Not Being Able To Laugh. So I Just Say To Live A Little And Find Your... However You Want To Call It. For I It Was Not To Focus It Was To Neglect And Block Out.
5. 5: animechick101
   Posted at 11:31pm on September 14th, 2008

   i feel like this all the time. ur a great writer! i like this line "I Have Been Thinking About Life A Lot Lately. I Know It Will Sound Like I'm Depressed And All That, But I Am Not"