Songs of the Week (April 6-13, 2013)
Despite its very existence hinging on a necessity for widespread community participation and involvement, FFR still somehow manages to maintain the status of being a somewhat lonely game. A plain black background that contains absolutely zero semblance of conscious life, arrows that nonchalantly collide with their respective receptors over and over again for no real purpose other than because it’s what they were born to do, and the question of what happens to a player after their life bar hits zero all work together in tandem with one another to instill many with a sensation of unease as they play. Files are lovingly raised by their parents, the song and step artists, only to get placed into the big scary engine and never interact with their loved ones ever again. It is in the hopes of combating the crippling loneliness that is experienced by songs and players alike that I have created something of a romantic matchmaking system for files. After running quite a few tests and consulting my thirteen year old next door neighbor who already has a significant other and makes fun of me for not having one every goddamn chance he gets, I have determined the perfect partner for each and every release that came out either this week or last week. Each pairing is scientifically accurate, legally binding and ultimately inescapable. Let’s view the results, shall we?
asdfmovie song by Lil Deuce Deuce (Niala) – Expert [64] / 2:23 / Purchased / Techno
dr1 by S.S.H. (hi19hi19) – Master [73] / 1:05 / Secret / Drum Solo
Lorem Ipsum by Virt feat. Hatune Miku (bmah & TC_Halogen) – Expert [65] / 3:02 / Rock / Rock Fusion
Öngyilkos Vasárnap by Venetian Snares (mi40) – Challenging [55] / 2:10 / Misc / Drum’n Bass
W by DJ Sharpnel (DossarLX ODI) – Moderate [23] / 3:37 / Dance / Trancecore
Your One by Dougal & Gammer (_.Spitfire._ ) – Expert [64] / 2:12 / Dance 2 / UK Hardcore
Arsonist by Fighter X (Kommisar) – Expert [68] / 3:19 / Arcade / 8-Bit Trance
In The Clouds by JT Bruce (Tidus810) – Standard [29] / 1:00 / Misc / Ambient New Age
Introduction by OSTER Project (LongGone) – Difficult [44] / 1:02 / Misc / Jazzy Fanfare
Myriagon by Kita Khyber (Reshiram) – Very Challenging [62] / 1:58 / Dance 2 / Hard Techno
Resistance 4 by Pyongyang Hardcore Resistance (mi40) – Guru [77] / 3:53 / Misc / Asian Gabba
Snow [Ca5] by Ca5 (DossarLX ODI ) – Very Challenging [62] / 2:00 / Misc / Techno
Pairing One: asdfmovie song and dr1
Now, before you folks at home start to think that the matchmaking system is lazy just because it paired up the first and second releases together, it would be a wise decision to learn the reasoning behind the system’s decision beforehand. There exists an incredibly strong bond between these two releases, one that is perhaps greater than all others. A desire for wealth, or in this case credits, is what drives these two releases along in life and dictates all that they do. asdfmovie song requires you to pay it the sum of 1234 credits to play, and dr1 forces you to prove to it that you have at least 36,000 credits saved up in your bank account before it’ll even show up for you on the song list. Even though their selfish pursuit of material gains has led both of these once-noble releases irrevocably astray, that doesn’t mean that they have abandoned love just yet. Once asdfmovie song and dr1 are joined together hand in hand they will undoubtedly conjure up an endless amount of new and innovative ways to steal your hard earned credits away from you. It’s a match made in heaven…maybe.
Pairing Two: Öngyilkos Vasárnap and Myriagon
Sometimes bonds can be formed as a direct result of one party requiring something that the other one possesses and vice versa. It may appear to be a selfish move on the surface, but it is nevertheless essential if we wish to live our lives to their fullest potential. Öngyilkos Vasárnap, a more somber selection from eccentric breakcore mastermind Venetian Snares, heavily samples Gloomy Sunday, a song with an associated urban legend stating that many of those that listen to the piece are driven to commit suicide. Myriagon, which is named after a polygon that possesses ten thousand sides, is energetic and playful while at the same time vaguely dark and grim. On the one side we have a release that’s too heavily drawn towards the negative with only a tiny penchant for the positive, and on the other a release that harbors negativity but is unable to grapple with its emotions due to stiflingly false positivity. By taking what the other possesses in excess and using it to balance themselves out, Öngyilkos Vasárnap and Myriagon will be able to richer, more fulfilling lives.
Pairing Three: Snow and In The Clouds
Never in a million years would you have expected to see these two crazy characters thrown together, am I right? Snow, found In The Clouds? Wow, what a crazy connection that absolutely nobody could’ve ever seen coming! However, don’t be fooled: the similarities between these two run much deeper than their names alone. Both are found within the Misc genre, and Snow is not only exactly double the length of In The Clouds but is just shy of double the difficulty too. It’s as if one is mild and the other is spicy, one is cold while the other is warm, or one prefers salad as an appetizer while the other more often than not opts for soup at the onset of their meal. The differing approach to similar foundations makes these two releases great for each other.
Pairing Four: Lorem Ipsum and Introduction
A lone microphone stands in the center of an otherwise barren and darkened stage. A single spotlight falls upon the slender microphone stand as a man dressed in anachronistically Gothic clothing steps out from behind the velvet curtain backdrop and approaches the light. “Think about the world that you deem as constituting your reality,” he begins to say, his voice gruff and noticeably devoid of emotion. “The vocals in Lorem Ipsum and the vocals in Introduction are both done by Vocaloids. There aren’t any quote-unquote real people singing in either of these songs. It’s all computer software– nothing more, nothing less. You think you know reality? Think again.” As soon as he finishes speaking, the man turns away and leaves the stage just as quickly as he had appeared. Only a few seconds of uncomfortable silence are allowed to pass by before the audience begins to horrifically scream in unison.
Pairing Five: Your One and Arsonist
Being picked last when it came to sporting events always hurt Arsonist a fair bit and was probably one of the major contributors that lead it towards turning to a life of crime. The wayward song would often spend its schoolnights staying out late in unsavory areas, painting the town green with its 64th notes and giving authorities a headache with its constant swing steps intermingled with jumpstreams. It wasn’t until meeting Your One, the self-described hardcore tourist from the UK that just so happened to come across Arsonist while it was in the midst of living up to its name, that Arsonist began to change. It only took a few months after that fateful evening for the song to learn about empathy, obtain happiness, and become instilled with purpose. No longer did its creativity get channeled into harmful outlets. At the same time, Your One learned to be less uptight, to sympathize with others and admit when it was wrong. However, out of all the things that these two gained from being around one another, perhaps the most valuable and precious was their everlasting love and unmatched karaoke prowess.
Pairing Six: W and Resistance 4
They say that opposites attract, and there is perhaps no better example of this old adage than in the pairing of W and Resistance 4. W, which is the easiest of this set of releases, would never have come across Resistance 4, which is conversely the most difficult of the releases, had it not been for a chance encounter in FFR Federally Mandated Park #34. Resistance 4 was jumping around like a maniac, kicking up dust with its numerous hands and quads, while W was across the way picking wildflowers all by itself. A sudden and overpoweringly strong gust of wind had blown W’s handful of daisies directly in Resistance 4′s face, something that engendered the file to howl like a frenzied wolf at the top of its lungs. The ever-shy W fervently apologized with a face that was as glowing red as the sun itself, but its words fell on deaf ears. Resistance 4 was helplessly entranced with W’s beauty, so much so that it didn’t even realize until quite some time afterwards that it had uttered its first ever set of somewhat coherent words: “Would you like to go and get, like, a coffee or somethin’ with me sometime or, like, whatever?”
And there you have it: twelve releases and six happy couples. As mentioned before, these marriages are legally binding. Any song that attempts to back out of the future that the matchmaking system has decided for it shall be reprimanded by being thrown into the Punishment genre where they’ll be forced to make awkward conversation with all of the off-sync, half-completed and otherwise incoherent pieces that have laid dormant in the My Creations folder of those who don’t even remember installing Stepmania in the first place. As always, feel free to share your thoughts and opinions on any of the new releases either in the comments section of this post or over in the respective topics on the forums. If you wish to throw yourself into the fray and undergo the matchmaking process as well, then you’re unfortunately out of luck because the government has shut down the program due to the so-called “unethical treatment of human specimens.” Everybody behind the program is probably going to go to jail, myself included. Please tell my wife that she was okay in small doses.
- plopadop
6 Responses to “Songs of the Week (April 6-13, 2013)”
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Posted at 8:12pm on April 15th, 2013
This post, haha. Fantastic.
Posted at 9:21pm on April 15th, 2013
What happeed with Neurotoxin o.o? I could’ve sworn that Neurotoxin was released and not Myriagon unless there was a derp-up in the release queque…
Posted at 9:55pm on April 15th, 2013
For those of you wondering what happened to Neurotoxin, see here for more details: http://www.flashflashrevolution.com/vbz/showpost.php?p=3892099&postcount=46
Posted at 10:24pm on April 15th, 2013
I’m definitely a soup guy, sorry Dossar.
Posted at 10:46am on April 16th, 2013
To Mrs. Plop,
Your husband wanted me to tell you that you were alright
in small doses.