9th Official Tournament – Round 1!
It was a time of disorder, destitution and debauchery: innocent citizens were slaughtered by the thousands in a series of riots, famine spread like wildfire, and Justin Timberlake released the second part of The 20/20 Experience. The government of Flash Flash went down with the country; in its place, The Event Staff came to be—and so a new power was born.
Despite the occasional uprising here and there (the most recent of which was a coup d’etat led by freedom fighter Arch0wl), the unlikely empire has held onto its power with an iron grip. The secret to its reign? Bread and circuses, my friends: spectacles like the annual Tournaments, the latest of which is where our story begins. Valiant warriors from every basement in every district—gerrymandered in an event known as The Great Division—have come to compete in a survival-of-the-fittest arena unlike any other. One district reigns supreme every year; those who see their task to its end are rewarded with an orgy of credits (though inflation renders them more and more worthless by the year) and Sriracha sauce.
And with that, we now return to the regularly-scheduled programming in progress…
DIVISION 1 – Clouds From The East, DJ Meas
The first few days had been peaceful. Too peaceful.
Helixia’s brow furrowed as she followed the twists and turns of the mountain road. Hiding and waiting the carnage out wasn’t too bad a strategy, but the fog around the 83 representatives of District One was growing thicker the higher they climbed, and the rope tying them together was fraying under their collective weight.
Just ahead of her, goose64 began to slow down. The team ground to a halt.
Somebody cried, “What do you see, guys?”
At the very front of the line, $ecret.LuX gaped at the canyon just ahead of her, so vast that the other end was nowhere in sight. The only way forward was on the bridge of legends, the Eastern Cloud Bridge. They would have to traverse a shaky chain of clouds situated 30,000 feet above ground level—all the while dodging arrows red, blue and occasionally yellow. The sky spirits loved to play tricks with wanderers, switching up patterns and sending off volleys of two arrows at once (forcing those traversing the narrow, uneasy path to jump).
One misstep meant certain death: there was no way all of them were making it to the other side alive. As $ecret.LuX took the first step, an ominous piano melody began to play in her head.
DIVISION 2 – Hoot [AREIA REMIX], Jun Areia
As cool as he wanted to be about this whole situation, SC_coolguy44 was not, in fact, cool about this whole situation. He hadn’t showered in days. His eyes were bloodshot. And at the back of his head, an urgent concern gnawed at his psyche:
What if Girls Generation releases a new song and I don’t get to hear it?
No doubt his comrades were feeling the desire for companionship: though all of the canned franks had been devoured by last Tuesday, there was still plenty of sausage to go around District Two. The mental anguish had gotten to many already—so when SC_coolguy44 first heard a familiar melody echoing from far away, he thought he was hallucinating. But as it got louder, he knew his mind wasn’t playing tricks on him.
Yes, those were definitely the luscious vocals of diva superstar Tiffany. And the song was definitely “Hoot,” which any true fan would know as objectively the best Girls Generation single.
Beside him, MrPoptart objected, “But what about Gee?“
“Shut up!” he snapped.
Exhausted and with no better prospects on the horizon, the soldiers followed the siren song until they found themselves in an abandoned dance club: the lights shattered, the chairs toppled, and there was in sight—so where was the music coming from?
Something was wrong. This wasn’t the “Hoot” they knew. No, the beats were darker, the tempo slower, the vocals chopped. Before any of the 95 could come to their wits, a perfectly-arranged gaggle of girls armed with bows stomped into the room—led by an ominous presence.
It was him. Jun Areia. FFR’s Top 10 Most Wanted. The serial remixer.
“Fire, girls!” Areia shouted as they held up their bows. When the poor deluded souls of Division Two finally realized where they were aimed, it was too late.
DIVISION 3 – Reading For Days, The Living Tombstone
“Are you finished yet?” moaned MyRoseTearsBlood.
“Patience, my friend!” replied Brandon Schewe as he flipped the page. Sure, his comrades might underestimate the value of strategy, but he didn’t bring his Kindle to the Tournament for nothing!
“You’ve been reading for days!” his friend cried. The river was soaking everybody in District Three, and it was getting tougher and tougher to row their rickety boat against the current.
“And I’ll keep reading until I figure out just what to do about these godfangled arrows!” he retorted! Mr. Schewe was, of course, referring to the incoming attacks of natives: fortunately, they were slow and came in easily-recognizable patterns.
That is, until now.
“Hold on, guys!” screamed X6viz, muffled under the sudden roar of the waters. “Big drop coming ahead!”
“Brandon! Watch out!”
As the boat dipped its nose sixty degrees, a swift volley of arrows rushed across the river—two orange ones grazed its side. omgfail looked down to see water pooling under his feet. A series of six in pink and purple came next; the rhythms were getting trickier and trickier. Now in freefall, the hapless members of District Three could only cling to the sides of their boat as they plunged into a watery doom.
DIVISION 4 – The Whip, FoxSky
Another trio of arrows whizzed by Coveyduck’s head, forcing him to put his hands on the ground and kneel. Whose blasted idea had it been to ask this FoxSky guy for help, anyhow?
FoxSky stood in the center of the shuttered coliseum, whip in hand. This was no ordinary whip: instead of rope, it was made of the remains of arrows—orange, pink, teal and even green. (So the rumors that Fox Corp. had been tampering with nuclear waste had been true!) As he swung his gigantic lasso around and around, it disintegrated, sending debris flying every which way. A chain of orange arrows here, a volley of pinks and purples there—FoxSky wasn’t a national jazz soloist for nothing—and green notes aimed at those who dared fire back.
“Yeeeee-ooooo caaaaaaan’t staaaaaaahh-ppp meeeeeee!”
Funmonkey54 sidestepped a handful of radioactive sludge hurled his way. “What now?”
DIVISION 5 – Stories Can Wait (Virtual Riot Remix), Submatik
Flaming_Dingleberry saw another slew of yellow torpedoes roaring towards his cockpit. “Everybody duck!” he screamed as one made impact, sending District Five tumbling across the floor. Three more torpedoes rammed into the submarine in quick succession: over at the control station, NeoMasterPie tried to hit the corresponding key for defense but didn’t quite get the timing right.
“Still doing good, guys!” he yelled.
“Good isn’t good enough! Our defense has to be perfect!”
Things were getting dire fast. So much for underwater subterfuge. The stream of projectiles coming in from every direction didn’t look to be ending soon—and a slew of sneakier, unpredictable ones were soon on their way. Getting back to the surface alive would take no small miracle.
DIVISION 6 – Guile of the Rime King, Clonepa
“Are you sure it’s okay to be here?” Hakulyte stammered as the warriors of District Six lurked the cavernous halls of the pyramid. “I don’t feel okay with raiding dead people’s tombs for weapons.”
“I’m telling you,” said awein999, “Pharaoh Clonepa’s been dead for centuries. What, do you think he set off some kind of trap so nobody would come—“
Suddenly, they heard the ominous tinkles of a music box.
“What was that?” somebody shouted.
Pretentious flipped her hair pretentiously and replied, with an air of pretension, “I’m sure it was nothing, let’s just—“
Then came the drum ‘n bass.
Arrows whizzed from every corner of the halls, stained brown with the blood of slain looters. They were fast, unpredictable, and brutal. The last thing the survivors heard was an anonymous command everybody should have taken far, far earlier.
“RUN!”
DIVISION 7 – Mirage Garden, Xi
Nobody knew warfare better than the elite group of fighters that made up District Seven, known as the Sparta of Flash Flash. And yet the past few days had taken a toll on even them—as they ambled weakly through the forest, they kept things to a quiet murmur. No use in wasting any more energy than they already had.
It was kjwkjw who first saw the light.
“What is this place?” wondered RB_Spirit as he and his comrades stepped into a garden full of the lushest flowers he had ever seen. In the middle was a lake with water so crystalline it seemed as if it were a mirror. Taking in the beautiful fragrances, he smiled as he tiptoed to the edge and peered at his own reflection in the surface.
In the distance, he heard the crashing of pianos, the shredding of guitars, the thundering of drums.
Then the water muddied. Stunned, he stumbled back, but the image on the now-grey surface began to shift. He saw arrows from every color of the rainbow: pinks, greens, even whites. He saw a mirror image of the garden; everything was the same, but the plants had rotted and blood stained almost every square inch of the earth. And finally, he saw his comrades turning against each other, one of his closest friends crawling in a futile attempt at escape only to be thwarted by his own fellow soldier—him.
A sickening realization dawned on RB_Spirit. He had felt that something was a little off about this tournament: now he knew why. This time, they weren’t here to destroy the other districts. They were going to end up destroying one another.
- moches
31 Responses to “9th Official Tournament – Round 1!”
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Posted at 8:07am on October 25th, 2013
yes <3
Posted at 8:08am on October 25th, 2013
Great post.
Posted at 8:08am on October 25th, 2013
moches *_*
Posted at 8:23am on October 25th, 2013
YES ?
Posted at 8:26am on October 25th, 2013
YES! <3
Posted at 8:27am on October 25th, 2013
hi, everybody! it’s an absolute honor to be serving as the FPP writer for this tourney: I know I have a large legacy to live up to (hi if you’re reading this, plopadop) but I’ll give it my best shot.
as for the actual tourney, things have been a blast so far. the song for Round 5 is a real toughie (I keep dumping goods during the first fast section because of the patterns), but the song itself is so good I keep playing it! I also love The Whip (because mmm BDSM) and Clouds From The East (very very relaxing file).
hope everybody’s been having fun so far
Posted at 8:49am on October 25th, 2013
I think you mean division 5, moches :p
Posted at 8:52am on October 25th, 2013
DIVISION FIVE CHRIST
Posted at 9:03am on October 25th, 2013
That D2 entry.
Posted at 10:59am on October 25th, 2013
Helixia is a girl
Posted at 11:13am on October 25th, 2013
So great though
Posted at 11:18am on October 25th, 2013
My apologies to Helixia (who I’m sure is a lovely lady!)
Posted at 11:40am on October 25th, 2013
Love it. B)
Posted at 11:54am on October 25th, 2013
bootyful
Posted at 7:03pm on October 25th, 2013
Updated Helixia’s gender.
Posted at 7:48pm on October 25th, 2013
omg this is an awesome post that D2 post is legitimately almost accurate to me lol
Posted at 8:53pm on October 25th, 2013
By the way, it’s Jun Areia, (Areia), not (Aeria)
Posted at 9:49pm on October 25th, 2013
I hope i was pro enough for this tournament ~
Posted at 2:58am on October 26th, 2013
Lmfao this was interesting
Posted at 6:30am on October 26th, 2013
The part about me is hilarious ROFL!!!
Hunger Games FTW!!!
Posted at 7:00am on October 26th, 2013
Loved the D2 entry!
Posted at 7:39am on October 26th, 2013
Fucking beautiful ;u;
Posted at 11:31pm on October 26th, 2013
I must show up here on the next FPP ;D
Posted at 3:10pm on October 27th, 2013
$ecret.LuX is also a girl. Second to last word in the D1 bit should be ‘her’.
Posted at 3:50pm on October 27th, 2013
Wow, amazing post. Very entertaining to read
Posted at 6:02pm on October 27th, 2013
oh…no. crap. I’m so sorry. I’ll do my research next time. ugh.
Posted at 1:00am on October 30th, 2013
haha, oh and the fun has only begun. wish i had more freetime to increase my skill ;p oh well. maybe i can sacrifice some sleep
Posted at 3:34pm on October 30th, 2013
I think I have a good shot this time – round~
Posted at 5:20pm on October 31st, 2013
put me in the next one
Posted at 8:22pm on October 31st, 2013
I just realized my name was in the Division 3 entry. Thats awesome haha