9th Official Tournament: Round 7!
Every light in the Battledome went out – except for a circle of torches in a coliseum that had, until now, been shrouded under the earth. Now it was the only thing visible to those who had survived to this point; not knowing what awaited them, they converged towards the center towards their unavoidable fates.
DIVISION 1 – Sleep Tight, Adraen
The five people left of District One hadn’t taken a single step in when drum ‘n bass began to play and the floor beneath them pitched uneasily. Ippikiryu and Xonica let out gasps; CarrotCake94 winced.
“HELLO, FRIENDS,” boomed a distorted voice from the speakers. “DO YOU LIKE COLORS? MY FAVORITE COLORS ARE PINK, GREEN, BROWN, WHITE, AND PUUUUURPLE. THIS IS A POOR METAPHOR WHERE EACH COLOR REPRESENTS ONE OF YOU FIVE. I CAN ONLY LET TWO OF YOU PASS. NOW GO DEAL WITH 16TH NOTES AT 200 BPM AND SEE WHO AMONGST YOU GETS MAIMED THE LEAST, BECAUSE SERIOUSLY, YOU GUYS HAVE HAD IT TOO EASY.”
“Well, at least the music fits,” observed death111, who at this point was sick of piano songs. Master Aqua giggled before he remembered there was a 60% chance he was going to die soon.
DIVISION 2 – Bits and Bytes (Original Mix), Rameses B
“How’s the hangover, Toxophilis?” mr_candy sniped.
“How are your insulin levels, mr_candy?” Toxophilis snapped.
“Guys, don’t be mean!” linebro intervened. “I mean, other than the fact that only one of us gets to go home…we’ll get to go home pretty soon.”
“Hell, no!” shot back nolimits112. “Go at it! No limits, nothing off-ground, go!”
“RARAWR…” sighed RARAWR in exasperation.
To be fair, none of them were in the best of spirits–the memories of the recent slaughter they had barely made it through in Clocktown haunted them like something haunted, like a ghost. Or a zombie. Whatever. Point is, with the end in sight the group’s collective hold on sanity was unraveling.
Also, there was no candy, which wasn’t making things any better for mr_candy.
The ragtag gang of five approached the monolithic building ahead of them.
“This is it?” madsen_12001 wondered. “It’s just an abandoned coliseum. What’s here for us?”
“OH HO HO, WE HAVE A TOUGH GUY, DON’T WE?” a voice cut in.
Everybody took three steps back.
“TELL ME, TOUGH GUY, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WHEN YOU GET HOME?”
“Play Minecraft? Get my prison number removed from my legal name?”
“WELL…ACTUALLY, THAT’S PRETTY CHILL. I CAN’T REALLY JOKE ABOUT THAT. I DON’T EVEN HAVE A NAME, BUT I FEEL YOU, BRO. STILL! WHEN I’M THROUGH WITH YOU GUYS, THREE OF YOU WILL BE CHOPPED UP INTO TINY LITTLE BYTES! GET IT, BYTES? BECAUSE ALL OF YOU WILL HAVE TO GO THROUGH A VIDEO GAME AND…NEVER MIND. BRING THE DUBSTEP!”
DIVISION 3 – Boot – Paraoka
Chromatique (whose eyeballs were now firmly back-in-place) looked upwards. She couldn’t see where the building ended and the sky began. “What happens if we just don’t go in? Just drop our stuff and wait this out?”
loop123456 was walking in circles. His brow furrowed. “A loophole. The possibility is intriguing.”
Emanresu13 shook his head. “Guys, remember when we tried to stay on that beach? Mario’s army killed that noise–we went right back to the mermaids. Even when we thought we were being rescued by those awful rappers last week, three of us bled to death out of our ears before we got here!”
“UNINTENTIONAL BUT FORTUNATE,” agreed the loudspeaker.
“Rawr?!” Mokisaurus growled. “Wait, wrong language, I mean–huh?!”
“I DON’T WANT TO KILL ANY MORE OF YOU THAN I HAVE TO–IT’S ALL PART OF THE GAME,” the voice continued. “DEAL WITH IT. NOW HERE ARE SOME JAPANESE GIRLS SINGING AT A TEMPO NORTH OF 200 BEATS PER MINUTE. IF YOU CAN OUTRUN THEIR VOICES, YOU MIGHT HAVE A SHOT AT MAKING IT TO THE END.”
The voice cut off, leaving a quite stream of static. Then the static stopped.
loop123456 turned to his friends. “Look, I know we’re not all going to get home, but I just want to say that no matter who dies, it was an honor to serve with you all. Chromatique, Mokisaurus, Emanresu13, Tocc–”
He stopped. Looked back. “Toccy?”
Toccy was already twenty feet down the chamber. “See ya at the finish line, losers!”
DIVISION 4 – Breakcore Ein Prosit, Yamajet
“Well, there’s no running water here, it looks like,” observed Kekeb as he entered the dimly lit chamber, the other four members of District Four close behind. “Sorry, DissonantMuse.”
“NOOOOOOOOOO!”
Five heads turned towards the conveniently-placed loudspeaker.
“OH, MY BAD, I THOUGHT SOMEBODY WOULD SAY THAT,” continued the mysterious voice. “WHICH ONE OF YOU’S DISSONANTMUSE?”
“It’s h-him, b-but w-why?” asked Sspeed, pointing to his left.
“NO REASON. I’M BAD WITH NAMES. ANYWAY, HERE’S SOME CRACK AND LSD! YOU’LL NEED THEM TO GET THROUGH THIS ROUND! NOW ENJOY THIS SONG, WHICH WAS MADE ON THE EXACT SAME SUBSTANCES YOU ARE ABOUT TO IMBIBE RIGHT NOW!”
Everybody in the room was doused with a cloud of white, yellow, and brown powders. Devilchilly coughed, Jararered’s face went red…and tehn evudfyboddy starlated tripppppppning BALLz.
DIVISION 5 – Umbral Ultimatum, “Toby Radiation” Fox
Despite all that he had been through, Mollocephalus felt lucky as he and his teammates approached their final battleground. Like that time he had locked himself in his bathroom without any spare toilet paper, he had lasted so much longer than he had expected. This was do or die.
“Well, we’re down to five people. I can’t believe it took me this long to get a chance to talk!” marveled klimtkiller. omega_grunt666 grunted devilishly, as if offering commentary.
“OH, SPEAKING OF COMMENTARY, DO YOU WANT COMMENTARY?”
Crap, it’s like this voice can read minds!
Well, he can, technically. After all, this is merely a fictional plight written by some kid on the Internet in which this booming voice is a narrative device, where it serves both the purpose of Big Bad in the story and commentator relating to the actual tournament.
Still, it didn’t make the sudden intrusion any less scary for the survivors of District Five; Salitz almost salitzed his pants, while Josemba swore in about five different Spanish dialects.
“NEVER MIND. IT LOOKS LIKE YOU GUYS HAVE GOT THAT COVERED. TAKE MOLLOCEPHALUS, RIGHT?”
Mollocephalus looked up. “I don’t know what you want from me, but I’ll find out or die trying.”
“THEN HERE’S YOUR ULTIMATUM!” the voice roared back. “UMBRAL…UMBRAL ULTIMATUM. UMBRAL? WHAT DOES THAT WORD EVEN MEAN? IT’S LIKE RIHANNA STARTED SINGING THEN GOT BORED HALFWAY THROUGH THE CHORUS. THE SONG ISN’T BORING, THOUGH. IT’LL BUST ALL OF YOUR BALLS. FOR REALS. LIKE IT WAS MADE BY FOXES, RADIATION AND A GUY NAMED TOBY. A GUY NAMED TOBY, SERIOUSLY. ARE YOU SCARED YET? SEND IN THE ORIENTAL STRING INSTRUMENTS!”
DIVISION 6 – Japan Style Breakcore!!!, Reizoko Cj
The irony of Xx{Fallen}xX’s name was not lost on Xx{Fallen}xX. He eyed the others. “So we’re all in agreement that all bets are off at this point, right? I mean, you guys just stood there and watched as three of our teammates got crushed to death.”
“YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHH!” screamed RagedBerserker before he realized that he, in fact, was not in the CSI: New York theme song. “Wait, sorry. But yeah. What can you do at this point, really?”
SaFyre13 and NekoGon side-eyed each other. NekoGon fingered the Swiss army knife in his pocket.
“Uh, guys, does this speaker work?” V-Ormix asked, pointing to the–
The thing.
“YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHH!” screamed the voice. “I RUN THIS DEAL, I GET TO BE A LITTLE DRAMATIC. LET’S LOOK AT YOUR NAMES…OH, SO JAPANESE! DOES THAT MAKE ME RACIST? YES! I DON’T CARE! THIS IS JUST A WAY TO TIE THIS TO THIS CHALLENGE, WHICH IS DESIGNED TO, HM, LET’S SAY BREAK YOU! EHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI!”
None of the five were as amused.
“So it’s a breakcore song? And it’s Japanese?” asked RagedBerserker. “Such berserk! Much outrage!”
“NICE DOGE, THAT’S THE SPIRIT! NOW FORGET ABOUT ME,” the voice continued, “AND FOCUS ON GETTING PAST YOUR NEMESIS–REIZOKO CJ!”
Horrible screeching filled the cavernous halls. Everybody steeled themselves, preparing for whatever was making the sound.
DIVISION 7 – All your base are belong to ME, Reizoko Cj
DossarLX ODI reached into his pocket only to find out he was out of tissues. Of all of the things L.B.D.D. had done over the past seven weeks, this was probably the most insane. “We can’t drag his body all the way to the stadium! Let him go!”
L.B.D.D.’s hands were blistered, bloody and sore, but still they gripped tightly onto Dynam0′s corpse. “No! I’m not leaving him behind! He’s not leaving me behind! Nobody’s leaving anybody behind! Behinds!”
smartdude1212 acted like he was playing with his smartphone to avoid all of the drama. It had died on him months ago. “What’s the time?”
shadow 1800 checked his watch. “6PM.”
“It was 6PM the last time I asked!”
“Well, what did you expect asking me?”
Before smartdude1212 could craft an eloquent response to this, GammaBlaster cut everybody off: “Well, I guess we’re just going to walk in now. You bringing that dead body, dude?”
Swallowing tears, L.B.D.D. nodded.
“Do you hear people screaming?” wondered DossarLX ODI as he stepped into a pitch-black corridor. “That sounds like NekoGon to me. Did District Six get here before us?”
“OOOH, YOU BROUGHT ME A SACRIFICE!”
Everybody flinched. The blanket L.B.D.D. had laid over Dynam0′s face had slipped. The voice giggled. “NICE TOUCH. SO YOU’VE COME ALL THE WAY HERE TO DEFEAT ME? YOU THINK YOU’RE SO AWESOME?”
yo man im awesome shrugged.
“WELL, I’M SURE YOU’LL BE HAPPY TO KNOW YOUR FRIENDS IN DISTRICT SIX ARE ALL BEING SLAUGHTERED AS WE SPEAK. NOW IT’S YOUR TURN!”
“Guys, we need a light.” GammaBlaster was trembling.
yo man im awesome rummaged through his knapsack. Good thing he had brought spares. He found his flashlight and flipped the switch.
The walls were soaked in blood.
“THIS IS WHAT IT COMES TO, ISN’T IT? YOU KEEP TELLING EACH OTHER YOU’RE ON THE SAME SIDE, BUT THAT’S WHAT IT COMES DOWN TO: BLOOD. WHO GIVES IT, WHO DRAWS IT. THE LEGACIES OF TRIBUTES BEFORE YOU, ALL COVERED IN RED.”
“NOW,” TC_Halogen–I’m sorry, Anthony — continued, “GIVE ME ALL OF YOUR BASE.”
Breakcore rattled the halls, growing louder and louder.
18 Responses to “9th Official Tournament: Round 7!”
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Posted at 11:11am on December 6th, 2013
Fun notes:
1. This is the first FPP where every player currently alive is mentioned.
2. L.B.D.D. was saved by Dynam0 last week. Now he’s mourning his friend’s death. Continuity!
3. I made so many jokes about people’s usernames in this FPP that my head exploded halfway through writing it.
4. Also it’s 2AM and I have the munchies.
5. I pour my soul into these, believe it or not.
Posted at 11:22am on December 6th, 2013
*Grunting intensifies*
Posted at 11:51am on December 6th, 2013
1. This was amazing.
2. This was the first time I’ve been mentioned.
3. That shadow 1800 joke was freaking hilarious.
Posted at 11:58am on December 6th, 2013
D1: Arts & Stats class
D2: Comeback kings (& queen)
D3: Thoughtful inquiry, then there’s Toccy
D4: Trippn ballz
D5: 4th/5th wall-esque hilarity
D6: I’M RACIST! I DON’T CARE! *knifes*
D7: The feels, the plot twists..
Did I mention we all love you?
Posted at 1:54pm on December 6th, 2013
all hail the queen bee
also the hangover is not so good
Posted at 3:08pm on December 6th, 2013
GIVE ME ALL YOUR BASE – AJ
Posted at 5:58pm on December 6th, 2013
Hahahaha I love doge. Therefore I love this post.
Posted at 5:58pm on December 6th, 2013
and tehn evudfyboddy starlated tripppppppning BALLz.
Posted at 7:45pm on December 6th, 2013
I called this from the last tournament. AJ was totally the bad guy from the moment he backstabbed Ensign Plopadop.
Posted at 11:54pm on December 6th, 2013
we knew it
Posted at 5:04am on December 7th, 2013
yay!
Posted at 5:33pm on December 7th, 2013
I like that I am the voice of reason in district 2 ^_^
Who wants a hug >^_^>
Posted at 5:44pm on December 7th, 2013
ho ho ho everyone! Goodluck on you guys’ 7 tournament!! ^^ Cheering for you all.
Posted at 4:56pm on December 8th, 2013
please tell me I am the colour puuuurple
Posted at 5:07pm on December 8th, 2013
sure, why not?
Posted at 5:15pm on December 8th, 2013
yay
Posted at 4:15am on December 9th, 2013
These posts are majestic- end of story
Posted at 6:33am on December 11th, 2013
Just noticed the “Rawr” in D3. This went from being amazing to being like… I’m not quite sure but it’s better now…RAWR!
-RARAWR