Songs of the Week (April 20-27, 2013)
You find yourself encapsulated by thick and seemingly impenetrable darkness from all angles. Above you is a thin elongated rectangle that runs parallel to the ceiling and is filled with a mysterious green ooze. Below you is what appears to be the number zero suspended in the formless abyss. There are no obvious exits. What do you do?
>Call Me Maybe (Grabbitz Remix)
Your name is legally changed to Maybe. Everything that you do is now highly uncertain, so much so that your friends and family no longer interact with you. In addition, picking up a pizza that had been ordered under your name becomes such a headache that you refrain from eating anything other than instant ramen and cat food for the rest of your miserable life.
You are dead. Try again?
A heavily tattooed biker materializes within the void and holds you down so that his buddy “Grub” can put a giant hole in your chest. Although your life ceases to exist, your corpse’s ability to accessorize is vastly increased.
You are dead. Try again?
You do not see a garden to empty. Furthermore, gardens are not something that require emptying. For your insolence you are sentenced to death by a short stocky man that works in the Home and Garden section of your local hardware store.
You are dead. Try again?
Millions of Final Fantasy VII fans emerge from the darkness and beat you up for reminding them about the heartache that they had experienced at the end of disc one. This beating continues on for many, many months.
You are dead. Try again?
A feeling akin to your heart desperately trying to burst out of your chest as if you were performing a particularly macabre parlor trick suddenly overwhelms you and forces you to fall to your knees. Your vision turns to a dark red as the deafening roar of a cannon being fired from somewhere deep inside of you separates your physical body into billions of tiny, irreparable pieces. On the plus side the shot manages to dent the car of a person that was a rude to you at a grocery store a few years ago.
You are dead. Try again?
You decide to make a fire and then leave it alone for a few minutes before coming back to it. Upon your return you notice the infamous hi19hi19 summoning the nearly infinite number of stepfiles that he has created over the years and putting them into the form of a humanoid piece of corn on the cob. “He needs to feed now,” hi19 somberly informs you as the corn’s heartwarming smile slowly but surely transforms into an expression that is devoid of all and any empathy.
You are dead. Try again?
A blink of your eyes is all that it takes for you to find yourself situated within a quaint office setting. An official “Jumpstreams in Ireland” calender sits on the desk directly in front of you while three of your coworkers huddle around you with threatening expressions plastered across their faces. “You seriously think that we’re going to waste our precious day off by coming to your BBQ? Get a grip! You’re free to fritter away your tomorrow, but not ours!” As they turn to leave you can feel your heart quite literally split into two asymmetrical pieces.
You are dead. Try again?
Razor the Prescriptive Grammarian mercilessly whacks the side of your head with a grammar textbook over and over again. “That’s not how you spell Celsius you idiot!” he cries out while raining blow after blow upon you. Razor does not cease his endeavors until long after your head has been reduced to little more than a bloody stump.
You are dead. Try again?
Two buff businessmen shoot you repeatedly with a handgun. There does not appear to be any logical reason for this occurrence. Sometimes these things happen.
You are dead. Try again?
>What Lies Beyond The Mountains
Stepfile newcomer VisD teams up with chiptune artist Breakbeat Heartbeat to tickle you with feather dusters until you vomit up your intestines. This gives them sustenance for the day ahead.
You are dead. Try again?
A sudden and inexplicable feeling of happiness makes your lips curl upwards into a big Wal-Mart Greeter-esque smile. However, rather than stopping where they normally would, your lips instead opt to continue stretching themselves out further and further until eventually they separate themselves from the rest of your face. As you lay there in the darkness bleeding to death, you realize that perhaps happiness really is subjective.
You are dead. Try again?
A mysterious man with rotten teeth and a powdered wig writes a brilliant symphony that makes fun of you and your apparently foul body odor. His masterpiece becomes an international smash hit and your immense embarrassment eventually gets the better of you.
You are dead. It appears that there is no way to escape from this dungeon without succumbing to an untimely demise. Would you like to give up?
>Yes please.
That would probably be for the best.
12 Responses to “Songs of the Week (April 20-27, 2013)”
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Posted at 8:41pm on May 3rd, 2013
.o.
Posted at 8:50pm on May 3rd, 2013
.o.
Posted at 8:55pm on May 3rd, 2013
Have you tried >open door yet?
Posted at 8:59pm on May 3rd, 2013
>die
reverse psychology always gets ‘em
Posted at 10:50pm on May 3rd, 2013
This is why text based adventures suck donkey balls.
Posted at 10:52pm on May 3rd, 2013
I can’t play Empty Garden on any engine, it gets to 98% then stops.
Posted at 11:05pm on May 3rd, 2013
ded
Posted at 11:08pm on May 3rd, 2013
also, while entertaining, this post doesn’t have any song information. While I admire your writing ability plopadop, and I’m sure people enjoy your SotW posts, I usually just “nope” at the wall of text and just want to see the new songs info. (yes I know I can just click on them)
Posted at 11:15pm on May 3rd, 2013
some good songs this week
Posted at 8:26am on May 4th, 2013
one of the best plopadop posts ive seen yet
Posted at 9:49am on May 4th, 2013
i killed aeries ^_^
Posted at 7:19pm on May 6th, 2013
I agree with Poptart, do as you are now and have the song info before/after your magical sex texts