8th Official Tournament: Round 7!
Pieces of the earth kindly took a moment out of whatever it was that they had been doing prior to my appearance in order to construct a pseduo-bridge to safely transport me across the bottomless sinkhole that had devoured what was once the state of Michigan however many years ago. The landscape around me felt overwhelmingly eerie, presumably due to the deficit of any conscious lifeforms other than myself. Not even the omnipresent hum of artificial cicadas or the sweet serenade of distant MOSAIC.WAVES could be heard anymore.
It was precisely at that point in time that the ramifications of this planet being on its last leg finally sunk in within my mind. Back then, the only people that were still considered to be “alive” outside of Professor Halogen and myself were the thirty-eight people who stubbornly persisted in seeing the tournament all the way to its bitter end. I couldn’t help but question myself; even if Halogen and I were able to save this world and bring it back to the ways of the old, would there be anybody left to reap the benefits? If saving the world was a hopeless endeavor, then why exactly was I making my way towards the Altar of Synthlight? Was it pride? Curiosity? Boredom? Perhaps I simply yearned to create a swan song of my own before the victors of the tournament were decided and subsequently imbibed with incomprehensible power.
Division One: Enchanting Venus
With nothing but my loneliness to keep me company, I took the opportunity to retreat into my thoughts. Once there were only five poor souls remaining in Division One, there had finally been enough resources to allow for all of them to travel into space. The rockets had launched the day prior, the likes of which resulting in the spread of a noxious odor that could only be described as a disgusting concoction of lilacs, motor oil, body odor and frozen pizzas. Since the suns had already set and the remaining stars had scampered off to perform their unique rendition of The Tragedy of Darkshark in the southern hemisphere, I could easily see D1 suspended in the cosmos. In order to advance onto the final showdown, three of them had to gain favor with the Enchanting Venus, one of the three incarnations of the planet that were birthed when Mars collided with Venus several years prior. A trace amount of selfishness fueled my motives as I silently wished that at least one of them would return safely.
Division Two: LUV CAN SAVE U
A little while later I could hear the sounds of a strikingly different kind of ferocious battle going on several kilometers below me. In return for the great valor that they had showcased over the course of the tournament, the universe had rewarded Division Two with the ability to levitate. It was within the wide open expanse of the sinkhole that they decided to continue their ceaseless war with one another, only instead of relying on bio-augmented weaponry or even their fists wrapped in lunch meat in order to eliminate their opponents, the five remaining combatants were utilizing their words instead. The group hovered around in a perfect circle while attempting to preach to the specific reasons as to why they believed that they should advance over the others.
“LUV CAN SAVE U!” .Rarity the minotaur screamed, its voice loud enough to make part of the pseudo-bridge implode on itself.
“No it can’t!” arcnmx promptly retorted. “The only thing that can save us now is an ice cold can of Doctor Captain Diet Archive. If you folks forfeit now then I’ll make sure to toss one your way once everything is all said and done.”
.Rarity solemnly shook its head. “Can’t do it. I’m allergic to glue…probably.”
Sensing that this debate wouldn’t reach its conclusion any time in the near future, I simply lowered my head and carried on towards the horizon.
Division Three: Devilz Staircase
It wasn’t until several grueling days had idly passed me by that I at long last reached the center of the sinkhole. Nicknamed the Devilz Staircase after its discoverer Dan “Razor” Devilz, the structure was an ornate spiral staircase that would’ve been fairly unremarkable had it been located within the generic setting of a haunted manor or futuristic castle. However, since the total height of the staircase was unmeasurable by present-day standards, it stood out as being one of the most magnificent and also most frightening pieces of self-replicating architecture in all of the world. It was on this very staircase that Division Three had been in the process of their futile race to the top.
“The Altar is said to have descended from space, similar to an asteroid,” Professor Halogen’s words echoed within the confines of my head. “The others are making their way towards it irrespective of whether they’re conscious of doing so or not. It is at the bottom of the staircase that you should find what we both seek.”
Division Four: Cutthroat
After only about six or seven flights down the staircase, the steps suddenly recoiled and effectively transformed the entire structure into a particularly treacherous slide. Down and down I went, the light of the moon becoming extinguished, thus leaving me in pitch black darkness. Just when I thought that I would pop out on the opposite end of the world, I came to rest on a comfortable landing pad made out of what I presumed was high fructose corn syrup. The warming glow of a neon sign that read “WELCOME TO THE CENTER OF THE THROAT! IF YOU THOUGHT THAT GETTING HERE WAS CUTTHROAT THEN WAIT UNTIL YOU TRY THE PASTA!” bathed me in pink light and allowed me to breathe a long, highly refreshing sigh of relief.
The place that I soon found myself ensnared within was beige and dreary, as if nature had went out of its way to make it as unappealing as possible. The walls raspily breathed in and out, sometimes sputtering toxic sludge onto the ground beneath them, while the ceiling squirmed around like a restless surface of water prior to a storm. The only feature of the cave that gave me any sort of solace whatsoever was the blurred figure of something vaguely green way off in the distance. With not all that many other options facing me at the moment, I began to walk towards whatever it was, all the while making sure to avoid stepping in the goop that another neon sign professed to me was the current form of Division Four.
Division Five: Lawn Wake XI
Much to my relief, the patch of green turned out to be the front lawn of the Altar of Synthlight. Every blade of grass slouched forwards like an army of vibrantly colored wet noodles. It wasn’t until I had reached the edge of their domain that all at once they suddenly became erect and faced me, their faces uncomfortably expressionless.
“WELCOME TO THE ALTAR OF SYNTHLIGHT,” they spoke in perfect unison, their obnoxiously high-pitched voices reverberating throughout the hollow interior of the cave system. “YOU HAVE INITIATED SEQUENCE LAWN WAKE XI. CONGRATULATIONS. YOU MAY NOT RECALL, BUT THIS IS THE ELEVENTH TIME THAT YOU HAVE MADE IT THIS FAR. WE ARE TASSELFOOT, KEEPER OF THE ALTAR. SPEAKETH NOW THE PASSWORD OR SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES.”
Memories flooded back like a tidal wave. It was exactly as they said; I had been here eleven times before, and this is where my journey was always cut short. Not this time though. With a deep breath filling my lungs with stale oxygen I opened my mouth and bellowed, “First person to post on your wall! Cheers, Synthlight!”
Division Six and Seven: Stinger
The lawn was silent for a painfully abnormal length of time. At first I feared that I had answered incorrectly, that I would have to endure the trials all over again, but just when I was about to burst out into a stream of uncontrollable tears, every blade of grass graciously bowed before me. A heavy rumbling overtook the cave as the massive temple doors began to parse themselves shortly afterwords.
“Th-thank you,” I murmured under my breath. Tasselfoot remained silent.
As I proceeded to stand at the entrance to the Altar, I recalled what the Professor had told me prior to my departure. “If you make it far enough, which I’m certain that you will, you should find within the compound the Stinger of a flashbulbian insect long since forgotten. Wait several days until the tournament has reached its conclusion so that the victor of each division can teleport to the Altar. Those that appear before you will have proven themselves to be the most powerful of all, and it is their blood that must be sacrificed to Lord Synthlight if we wish to regain stability in the universe.”
“You mean that I’ll have to murder the only people that are left in the world besides me and you?”
“Yes. This is the whole reason as to why we propagated the tournament in the first place. Only those worthy enough will be accepted by Synthlight, and the seven victors should work perfectly.”
I felt myself instinctively clench my fist with enough vigor to piece my palm and draw blood. “Murder?” I thought aloud as the heavy Altar doors closed behind me. “I never thought that it’d come down to something like that. Oh well, I guess I have no choice then. I’ll have to–
1. Listen to Professor Halogen and sacrifice the winners.
2. Try to sacrifice myself instead.
3. Other (specify).
How will this story end? Will the world be restored, or will the losses accumulated in the name of the 8th Official FFR Tournament be made in vain? The conclusion depends entirely on you! Vote in the comments section of this post to decide the fate of universe.
- Plopadop
25 Responses to “8th Official Tournament: Round 7!”
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Posted at 9:12pm on March 11th, 2013
Sacrifice is freedom — remember this.
Posted at 9:22pm on March 11th, 2013
It’s highly probable that I am allergic to glue. We should go with sacrifice!
Posted at 10:19pm on March 11th, 2013
after the tournament watch there be only 9 users on the site
Posted at 10:25pm on March 11th, 2013
Sacrifice so we can off samurai and I have a chance of winning the next tournament.
Posted at 10:58pm on March 11th, 2013
The power of ## must be revealed next week.. ##
Posted at 11:52pm on March 11th, 2013
Sacrifice the winners. So THAT’s the real reason why TC_Halogen opted out of the tournament: so that he would survive. Well played, good sir.
Posted at 12:33am on March 12th, 2013
3. Other
something about the omnipotent thermostat, a thermostat with limitless power has to become self aware, etcetc
Posted at 1:46am on March 12th, 2013
Kill yourself :3
Posted at 1:49am on March 12th, 2013
Can’t wait to see Round 8 D6/7 songs o.o
Posted at 2:19am on March 12th, 2013
Pierce* my hand.
And I choose other, would be cool sacrifice TC_Halogen. With him being the “king of titans” he has proven himself to be more powerful than all, several times. But would it restore the world and all it’s inhabitants or plunge it into unimaginable chaos? And would TC_halogen be returned to where he “belongs” as was mentioned in the first part of this story… :J
Posted at 7:37am on March 12th, 2013
3 – All of the winners use their combined skillboosts and newly acquired powers (trilling, jumpstreaming, etc) to try and take down Lord Synthlight and bring balance to the universe by overthrowing him. As for what you do… Well, do you help them or try to obey Halogen?
Posted at 9:37am on March 12th, 2013
Halogen has already backstabbed Ensign Plopadop once. I see no reason to trust him with something this crucial. I go with 3–throw Halogen under the bus while the winners of the tournament go forth and repopulate the world, making gratuitous use of the Rule 63 Device along the way.
Posted at 10:06am on March 12th, 2013
I agree a bit with what igr is saying, but I still want you to sacrifice yourself
Posted at 11:18am on March 12th, 2013
p.s. d3 jonlovesddr is out because fail
Posted at 11:22am on March 12th, 2013
3 – return of previous tourney winners to overcome the tyranny of synthlight or something like that
Posted at 1:07pm on March 12th, 2013
I’m now questioning my existence in this tournament
Posted at 1:12pm on March 12th, 2013
http://i.imgur.com/ArTmLOW.jpg
Posted at 2:26pm on March 12th, 2013
^That’s the greatest thing I’ve seen in a long time. B’)
Posted at 6:12pm on March 12th, 2013
Dan “Razor” Devilz
lol so godlike, sigging
Posted at 8:44pm on March 12th, 2013
cant wait to see what the final round songs are gonna look like
im hella ready >:D
Posted at 11:53pm on March 13th, 2013
nice tricoro songs
Posted at 10:52pm on March 14th, 2013
first to post on your wall, cheers synthlight.
i actually laughed out loud.
Posted at 5:24pm on March 19th, 2013
Plopadop, I suggest you sacrifice yourself, but at the same time something unexpected will occur that will save the day, while revealing the true evil behind everything.