A poem with no title (by me)

[Jamaican Jew]

Re: A poem with no title (by me)

Oh Silverdust, your
Poems touch me deeply. I wish
I could write like you.

[GuidoHunter]

Re: A poem with no title (by me)

In this world of chaos,
with no light shining through.
I need someone to help.
So why won't you?
Someone come to my aid.
To catch me when I fall.
My angel, please come soon,
Because i can't stand too long.

Syllable count per line:
6
6
6
4?
6
6
6
7?

Syllable stress per line:
SUSUSU
USUSUS
USUSUS
SSSS? USUS?
USUSUS (Benefit of the doubt, here)
USUSUS
USUSUS
USSUSUS
You almost pulled off iambic hexameter, here. But you didn't.

Rhyme scheme:
A
B
C
B
D
E
F
G

As you can see, there is absolutely no structure to this "poem". A very trite subject and a complete lack of consistency shows that this is utter crap. Really, silverdust, please study some poetry.

--Guido

http://andy.mikee385.com

[sleeplessdragn]

Re: A poem with no title (by me)

Needs more trance beats.

[silverdust800]

Re: A poem with no title (by me)

Oh Silverdust, your
Poems touch me deeply. I wish
I could write like you.

thankyou for the comment but it was only a rough draft

Syllable count per line:
6
6
6
4?
6
6
6
7?

Syllable stress per line:
SUSUSU
USUSUS
USUSUS
SSSS? USUS?
USUSUS (Benefit of the doubt, here)
USUSUS
USUSUS
USSUSUS
You almost pulled off iambic hexameter, here. But you didn't.

Rhyme scheme:
A
B
C
B
D
E
F
G

As you can see, there is absolutely no structure to this "poem". A very trite subject and a complete lack of consistency shows that this is utter crap. Really, silverdust, please study some poetry.

Thankyou for your advice. I'll try to edit it and then I'll post it.

[Tokzic]

Re: A poem with no title (by me)

My advice is to look into possible career opportunities as a janitor.

[Sol_Solis]

Re: A poem with no title (by me)

http://www.everypoet.org/pffa/showthread.php?t=9967
Absolutely everything you need can be found in this thread.
But yeah, everyone has said everything there is to about your poetry and the link should help you out some in your problem areas.

[kissesneverdie]

Re: A poem with no title (by me)

What a nice little poem.

[KernelColonel]

Re: A poem with no title (by me)

I do not understand
The concept that is poetry
I don't think this is a poem.
Although I AM putting spaces after every sentence.
I should be a freestyle poet.
Like Walt Whitman.
He had a poem about masturbation.
It was awesome.
On a different topic, I have ADD.
Wanna go swimming?

[imajrockette]

Re: A poem with no title (by me)

i love your poem!its really good ^^.i know how you feel since im going through the same situtation.i dont really undertstand the second one that much though.is it about a mended heartbreak?

[ShastaTwist]

Re: A poem with no title (by me)

Why the hell did you bump this?

[Child of Incest]

Re: A poem with no title (by me)

Absolutely fantastic! This is quite the work of art! Every time I look at it, this feeling of nostalgia rushes through me! "Oh, the nights I spent with my love- the lustful nights"! I will give you my "thought-by-line," haha!

In this world of chaos, (Oh yes, this cruel, cruel world!)
with no light shining through. (Yes, alone in the dark. Brooding. Angst has come over me.)
I need someone to help. (Anybody? Please? Heellooo?)
So why won't you? (Pretty, pretty, PPPRRREEEETTTTYYY please?)
Someone come to my aid. (Anyone- I'm dying here! </3)
To catch me when I fall. (Be there for me...Please?)
My angel, please come soon, (I'l be waiting...Forever...'Cause that sounds cool.)
Because i can't stand too long. (LOL, NO LEGS!!)

Never before has there been a poem that has forced me to experience all of these emotions within such a short period of time, orgasmic I say! The quality may be horrid, the ideas-CLICHE'! But, nonetheless, it's the heart that matters! THE HEART! *Cough-cough* The heart. Hahahahahaha!!!

[Dimitri13]

Re: A poem with no title (by me)

Are you on cocaine, Child_of_Incest?

Why the **** would you bump a year old topic, jrockette.

REQ LOQ.

[imajrockette]

Re: A poem with no title (by me)

im sry T_T.im still pretty new to the site you know.i dont usally go in the forums even though i have been on here in a while and plus i liked the poems.

why are all of you getting mad at me becuase i bumped it?im use to using loudfusion where you could bump up a topic that could be 4 years old.i pretty much always do it on thier and im always bringing my poems up to the surface to get some feeback sometimes.

since i get alot of helpful comments on their but yeah anyway i liked the poems.their pretty good ^^