I just need help understanding myself, my reality.

[twitching77]

Re: I just need help understanding myself, my reality.

to be honest. . .life can get very tough, though don't get me wrong. . .there's plenty of good times to be had growing up. . .something tells me you'll have plenty of great times head of you.
i think it's wonderfull your thinking deep at your age, self exploring, and attempting to gain understanding (something i think you'll be searching for your entire life).
i don't have answers for you, i wish i did. . .but i'm still looking for these answers myself.
i can say with confidence that in time as you grow older (i'm only 24) life starts to click, things start to come together, and you start to actualy find that your not quite as messed up as you always thought you were. . .that hell, there's even things you like about yourself.
i had a hell of a time growing up (was put into a mental health lock down facility at the age of 12, and was there for 2 1/2 years, it was a 24/hr lock down place, and by the time i got out and went to high school. . .i had no idea how to talk to people my age. i quickly thought that there was something wrong with me, and i hated myself. . .i didn't hate anyone else, i just hated myself. i knew i could be happy, but i was being held back and i had no idea what was holding me back, or how to release. i dropped out of school, moved to a city (i'm from a tiny town in wyoming) got into drugs. . .only to find even more dispair, and self hatred. life was horrible for me.
this being said, i think i've matured quite a bit (after a couple years of good counsling heh) and life is starting to settle. i wouldn't take any part of my life back, it's all made me stronger, and i think the best kind of learning is the learning that can only come through experiences.)
life does become better, people do learn to trust themselves, to forgive themselves (though maybe not completely) and to at least half-way accept themselves.
it just takes time.
i really do have a feeling that you'll turn out very well in life.
i know it's hard to trust what people say. . .they can tell you, but untill you've gone through it yourself it's dam difficult to understand, or to accept.

i'm sorry for the lengthy reply. . .but i have all the respect in the world for you seeking advice, and discussion about your deep, and insightfull thoughts.
take care.
thnx.



----edit----

Didn't read all of the replies, but here's my 2 cents:

Don't worry about people who look down on you.. **** them. Don't worry about anything except school and those who are close to you right now. Excel in school and get into a good college, then you can laugh at those who looked down on you through all of high school. Being a junior electrical engineering major at the University of Maryland, and the vice president of my fraternity, I speak from experience. I regret trying to fit in with everyone else in high school. That doesn't mean try so hard you have to dress in all black. Bag all that black clothing, you're not impressing anyone. But don't do something because everyone else is.

i do think this is good advice. . .though through experience i can say it's not that simple.
i was on the a honor roll for about 6 months early in high school, though oddly enough being "intelligent" was not accepted by most of the other kids at my school (where's the sense in that?).
i quickly dropped to d's and a few f's (i never did my homework in math, though just before dropping out i took the finals for math, and aced it. . .i can still remember to this day how angry my teacher was about it heh).
i think looking back my problem was my perception of reality.
reality was what was directly in front of me, what i saw, what i heard, and what i felt (both physically and emotionaly). reality is a hard thing to break, and my reality was that i was a "loser" and everyone hated me. . .that i was worthless, and no one could ever understand me.
i kept being told not to care what others thought of me. . .what they said to me, or how they treated me.
i wasn't able to understand them at the time, i didn't believe it was even possible at the time.
not sure where i'm trying to go with this. . .it's great advice, i just wish there was a simple (or reliable) way to follow it.
it's odd how much i follow it now though. i'm still very different from most people my age (sometimes i act closer to the age of 11 or 12. . .alot of the times i act much older then i am. . .hehe but i don't feel my age very often) i guess as i went through different periods in my life, and as i grew up a bit. . .i somewhere decided that like you say. ..it truely doesn't matter what others think or say about me.
it's all about confidence, something i think all teenagers struggle with. . .i've grown much more confident with myself since high school (though i believe i can never have enough confidence in myself, as long as it doesn't become arogance).

[atalkingcow]

Re: I just need help understanding myself, my reality.

I think as long as you know when to stop looking, you should be fine.

I'm not saying that you should ever stop trying to understand more about the world around you, but sometimes you can end up discovering things you aren't quite ready to handle. (Like I did.)

I'm only 17, and I already have studied The Bible, Koran, and Torah. (In english of course.)
I've learned some very interesting things about the 3 main religions of the world that at the time I first -studied- them, confused the living crap out of me, and indirectly influenced some rather stupid choices. (I'm now dangerously close to dropping out of school and getting booted out of my house because of these choices.)

But basically, I'm trying to say... Learn everything you can, but be careful about absorbing information you aren't ready to process.

~Cow~

[Cavernio]

Re: I just need help understanding myself, my reality.

If you don't try and fit in with people to some degree, you'll be shunned. If you stop and think too much of why you do things instead of doing them, you'll be out on the streets. If you step out too far from what everyone else's generic reality is, you'll probably end up killing yourself. Either that, or you'll be stuck living with other people constantly looking after you. I don't think anyone wants that.
No one understand's themselves fully, the difference is that some people brood on that they don't, and others only occasionally think about it.

You talk about how you want to be a different person, yet you've only given very vague descriptions about who that other person is. Maybe you just haven't explained it, but maybe you don't really know how you want to be.

You can tell yourself you don't care what others think, but that's clearly NOT going to work if you feel like you can befriend everyone. No one ever specifies that with the classic "It doesn't matter what other people think of you" comment, it doesn't include your friends and loved ones. As soon as you stop caring what your loved ones think of you, you'll be in a very, very lonely place. If you care enough about just about everyone to become their friends, then of course you're going to care what they think about you.

Instead of not caring about what others think about you, you're going to have to learn to trust people a little more, in that you're going to have to have enough faith that just because you're not ideal, they can still be friends with you, and they can still like you. If someone ends up not liking you for what you say or do, even if it's someone you care about, then that's not your problem. Sure, you can control to a large extent what people think about you, but you're basically attempting the impossible if you try that with everyone. Some people just aren't going to give you the time of day, and others are going to stab you in the back, and you're going to have to adopt a way of negatively looking at them for not accepting you as you are, or else you'll drive yourself nuts. Of course, there's a balance to it, but it doesn't seem to me like you're near the other side of the spectrum.

Also, FULL SENTENCES PEOPLE! Where's the grammar police when you need them?

[zim311]

Re: I just need help understanding myself, my reality.

no offense but you sound like an emo... anyway thats how i feel sometime... that the world(and then some) dont understand me... sometimes i feel like an alien..

[Ramengan]

Re: I just need help understanding myself, my reality.

It may be late, but here's my share of advice.

If life is going to be that hard when you grow older? (I'm 14)
Or should I be categorizing myself? It seems that everyone I see, they have this name above them, which categorizes them. (Examples: celebrities, designers, authors, the smart one, the funny one...etc.etc.)

To answer the first question most simply, yes. You will have more responsibility and more expectations when you get older, and people will definitely try to categorize you, then judge you based on that category. That's high school social life. Don't let it get the better of you, and don't become someone you don't want to be to fit others' expectations. On the other hand, don't shut out people completely. The real truth is that other people's opinions do matter. We all act based on what other people do, think, and say. It's part of being human to interpret and respond to our environment. Just balance your desires with the demands of people around you. It's a tough job, but high school is probably the perfect place to learn how. And who knows; when you look back, you may laugh and say, "That was easier than I thought."

There's this doubt I have in myself: that I wouldn't last in the 'real' world.
Heh, I guess I'm frustrated that I can't understand anything at this age, most kids would. I know the difference between right and wrong, but I have a low-self-esteem.

At 14, hardly anyone would last in the real world. If you mean high school and such, then you'll be fine. You are a very deep thinker, and I respect that as well, but find whatever it is that interests you and head in that direction.
Low self-esteem is bad, but it's certainly normal for teenagers. If you don't understand some of the deeper things, that's okay. It takes time to find out what your identity is. Just start with what and who you love, and it can take off from there. Remember that at this point, you don't need to know what you're going to be when you grow up. People get halfway through college and don't know, and it's okay.

But you see, I've made the conclusion about myself that I'm a person that I do not want to be.
These are 10 ways I describe myself.
1. I distant myself from groups who look down on me, conclusions from my quick thoughts.
2. I'm a social butterfly, I can befriend anyone who is willing to be a friend.
3. I'm a bookworm, I recently started to dislike exercising.
4. I yearn for the outside world, to breath in fresh air, to walk on nature, to see the beauty of the world.
5. I've become a person who gives out good advice and don't listen to my own advice.
6. I dress in dark colors and often wear the same type of outfits every time I go out.
7. I crave attention.
8. I am unique.
9. My emotions are going through a confused state. I try to understand things, but I know that I can't.
10. I'm a sad, lonely, kid who loves to draw, write, dream out his fantasies.
I want to be someone different from how I am now, but there's something that's stopping me to do so. I don't know what is stopping me, but I really want to know. It's like I want to change both the 'outside me' and the 'inside me' without getting much attention.
I'm trying so hard to figure out what's wrong with me, if there's anything wrong with me, and it's hard to understand myself.
It seems that my mind is saying, if I can't understand myself, how can I understand anything?

It's great that you can look into yourself and truly evaluate your characteristics. And trust me and the others here. There is nothing wrong with you. You actually understand a lot more about yourself than many others do about themselves. It seems the real questions your mind has left are, "Is this who I want to be?"
High school will make you change. That's a fact. Whether it's a little or a lot, you will be a different person after. Just keep in mind to be what you want. If you don't agree with it, you won't be happy with it. It's too easy to forget that and go with whatever everyone else likes without taking into thought your own ideas and such. But I don't think you'll have a problem with that.
Again, do the balance thing. You don't want to be shunned by everyone, after all. Form some strong relationships with good friends.

I think you would love this book: The Seven habits of Highly Effective Teens. If you take it seriously, you'll notice it works. It also lets you see people differently. http://www.amazon.com/Habits-Highly-.../dp/0684856093

I support that. This book will definitely help you in coming years. Might I also suggest Don't Sweat the Small Stuff by Richard Carlson? There's a for Teens edition I have that does a pretty good job of highlighting the small sources of stress that build, and ways to prevent them.
The Fountainhead is also an amazing work. I need to read that again.

I hope my advice helps out and I'm not just blabbing useless stuff. And if all else fails, talk to your parents *GASP*. They've gone through this already.

[bus-_-stop]

Re: I just need help understanding myself, my reality.

I'll Nevaa Help You:P :P :P:P :P :P:P :P :P:P :P :P:P :P :P:P :P :P:P :P :P:P :P :P:P :P :P:P:P:P :P :P:P :P :P:P :P :P:P :P :P:P :P :P:P :P :P:P :P :P:P :P :P

[twitching77]

Re: I just need help understanding myself, my reality.

I'll Nevaa Help You:P :P :P:P :P :P:P :P :P:P :P :P:P :P :P:P :P :P:P :P :P:P :P :P:P :P :P:P:P:P :P :P:P :P :P:P :P :P:P :P :P:P :P :P:P :P :P:P :P :P:P :P :P

you need too much help yourself to be dealing out help for others?

[concertm]

Re: I just need help understanding myself, my reality.

This comes from personal experience: Don't over-analyze, don't over-think about anything. This leads to more questions and doubt, bringing out more suffering and confusion, especially in the mind of a pessimist like myself. Life isn't meant to be so complicated or difficult, it should be simple and enjoyable. Other people exist to make life easier, it's extremely difficult to live a life alone. 100 acquaintances doesn't match the value of a single close/best friend/lover.

Although inevitable, people shouldn't be put into 'categories'. Although this helps us understand each other and our differences, it leads to making assumptions, which may or may not be true for a unique individual. Yes, it's easy to group people based on appearance or personality, but it's important to remember that we are all unique, and we all have our own paths to follow.

:P I guess this was kinda like a mini-rant for me, but I hope some of it applies to your situation.

[Bloodhunger539]

Re: I just need help understanding myself, my reality.

I like you kid, your mind-set and train of thought are similar to mine. Send me a PM sometime if you have questions, I'll lend you my insight XD

(lol, i sound like im trying to sound smart rofl XD)

[-Sleepless-]

Re: I just need help understanding myself, my reality.

I remember when I moved in 7th grade, I haven't even found myself. I was just prey to everyone at school cause I didn't have anything to fall back on. No friends, no self esteem, I often wondered if life was always going to be like that. I hated 7th grade.

(What dosen't kill you, makes you stronger)

For some reason, through my whole life, I've never encountered anything thats made me doubt that. Every thing I do, I just try to make it better. At the end of the day, I just think about what all I've done that day, what kind of impression I left last on my friends. Ive been through just about everything with friends. I've encountered suicide, family abuse, sexual abuse, fights, not liking themselves, gay, straight, curious, fake, bipolar...the list goes on and on. I was lucky enough to be able to understand everyone, and help them on with there life. There problems helped me become stronger, and more knowledgable. I knew I could always be there for them.

I'm always myself. It always works out best for me. I love just hanging out with friends, that's usually where most of my time goes. I love who I am.

It just all comes from what you really think of yourself. It all comes from changing to what you want to be. Sometimes people change to impress others, sometimes people change because they know to be a better person, they have to do it for themselves.

Just think about what you want to be, whats wrong with you right now, how could you fix that, etc.

Leave the old you at the beach.

[seltivo]

Re: I just need help understanding myself, my reality.

wow, you sound a lot like me (and apparently, everyone else)

Before I start, a lot of people have given the same advice , if so many people agree, there is probably some truth in it. I will try to mention new things, so pay attention. :P

You mentioned that you want to change yourself (I don't know if this is still true, but I'll comment anyway). Before you go on some huge path to self improvement, you should first make sure that you are the one who wants change. If your trying to change just to fit in, don't; it's not worth the hassle. If you are truly unhappy about yourself (you probably aren't, you sound like a real cool person (I just complimented myself :P)), go ahead.

If you aren't happy about who you are, try to explore new hobbies or interests that you might not have considered before(like kayaking maybe?(I love kayaking, yet seem to, like you, dislike exercise)this would fit in nicely with your fourth way to describe yourself). If you find one that you truly enjoy(even if it's not "cool") follow it and integrate it into your new you. You should also do this with the hobbies you already enjoy.

Even if you are happy with how you are now, it's a good idea to do this anyway.

Try to be open/enthusiastic about what you like. you may lose a few friends( who weren't really friends with the real you) but you'll make new ones too who you will, undoutably, be happier with.

Last but not least, I noticed that you mentioned anime music, drawing, writing and dreaming out your fantasies. This may not interest you at all, but I suggest you try to draw you own manga or comic book for fun.

[windsurfer-sp]

Re: I just need help understanding myself, my reality.

(lol, i sound like im trying to sound smart rofl XD)

Dont worry its critical thinking, everyone tries to sound smart, its what we do

Anyway my thoughts on what you have said about yourself and life:
Try and connect with people, not to the point where you are easily influenced but build relationships.

No need to categorise yourself because there is no catergory to describe you. Let other people try but know that there opinon is not the end of the world.

As per the whole teenage depression thing, I sort of havent hit or skipped that phase myself. IDK, personally my faith has gave my life direction and hope.

Emotions can be weird, ride them enjoy them but remain in control of your life and keep focused and positive.
(Feel free to hit me up on these things you said you dont understand, if you want some of my advice/opinons on the topics.)