Long distance relationships?

[Arch0wl]

Re: Long distance relationships?

Yeah if you haven't seen much of the food world, it may seem ridiculous. But The French Laundry is a big ****ing deal. Getting a reservation there isn't like getting an expensive limo ride or whatever -- it's like getting tickets to the SuperBowl.

If I may ask, how much debt are you realistically considering?

You may, but I won't tell you. It's a lot, but it's a number I'm not comfortable divulging.

I don't know if this was your intended response, but from my experience those with backgrounds in finance tend to make remarks that give perspective to varying degrees of debt. If that's the case, yes, I know very well about the debt-to-income ratio calculations and how the interest rates on loans can mushroom.

[Arch0wl]

Re: Long distance relationships?

I'll probably go way above the monthly payments because I hate owing people money, truthfully.

I knew about debt-to-income ratio since high school and knowing about that, I think, actually ****ed me over somewhat. I thought "well, of course I can afford the loans for this good-but-not-amazing school with ridiculous tuition when I'm a lawyer." So me being me I was able to make some convincing arguments to my parents about this and they signed off on the loans.

Op-eds always say that we need to educate high school kids in finance or something and then they'll get it. No, even if they understand debt-to-income ratio perfectly they'll still think they'll have the best income ever once they become an all-new uber-scholar that next semester and boost their 2.9 to a 3.8. The problem isn't financial knowledge, it's hubris, and I have no ****ing idea how you'd fix that.

Also, this isn't a factor I've considered much, but staying with my girlfriend would actually make the debt easier to pay off long-term. Her parents completely paid for her college, so she has no debt and any Ph.D. program worth its salt wouldn't have her paying for it anyway. Even if I make terrible income by law standards (read: 60k/year is terrible by law standards) the relationship wouldn't hurt me financially. And if you're wondering, yes, lots of sensational Yahoo articles have headlines to the effect of OMG WHAT IF THE PERSON YOU'RE DATING HAS A LOT OF DEBT; she's not the kind of person who cares about taking on someone's debt. But yeah, we've discussed it anyway.

[psychoangel691]

Re: Long distance relationships?

I only kinda skimmed through what everyone said so far but this is just my outlook on it.

1 long distance is hard. There's no way around it. You have to worry about whether or not you can trust that person, deal with the constant longing of being with that person, worry about who's going to move where if the relationship becomes serious enough to move to the next level, etc.

2 Never ever throw away something such as a college plan for a long distance relationship. You may think you're very much in love or whatever now but you could end up ultimately screwing things up for yourself pretty bad if you decide to change your path over someone you think could be the one. Continue with your life plans and if it is meant to be you guys will stick it out and eventually be physically together.

Long distance can work it's not impossible. There are tons of people that do it. I had never been a long distance nor internet dater. Then I tried it back in I think it was July of '09. I had a blast during it and I wouldn't change the experience for the world. It ended up not working out but not of really any fault of either of us we just weren't in the places we wanted to be in our lives and if you aren't happy with yourself you can't be happy with another. The worst part about it for me was not being able to hug him or kiss him or any of that. After a while that longing gets to you. I personally love to cuddle up and be affectionate. You can't have that with long distance so you have to make sure you're able to deal with that for however long you guys are going to be apart from one another.

Now technically I don't know if you can call the situation I had with AJ as a long distance relationship. We were talking a lot, and we both knew we liked each other a whole lot by like Oct of '09. But he didn't want a long distance relationship again because of how hard they were and that kinda killed me at the time cause I really wanted to be with him. But we continued to talk every day and we'd get on cam and such. Then finally he decided to move out to PA where I was Jan of '10 and now as you know we're engaged with a 3 month old daughter. So we kinda had a long distance thing for a little while but we didn't actually officially have the titles lol.

Just follow your instincts. Chances are if you're having doubts about the relationship you probably shouldn't be in it. If you're looking for just kinda a fling type thing and are enjoying it then wth have fun with it while it lasts. But make sure you don't throw away your dreams for it. You may regret it one day.


<3

[darkshark]

Re: Long distance relationships?

Also, this isn't a factor I've considered much, but staying with my girlfriend would actually make the debt easier to pay off long-term.

I really hope this isn't a serious factor. That just sounds like you'd be using her financially.
I know something like that is going to be instantly denied, but in the back of your mind there's probably a little truth to it.

When do you expect to finish college?

[Arch0wl]

Re: Long distance relationships?

It's not.

I'm finishing college in December. I'm finishing professional school 3.5 years after that, though.

[UberMario]

Re: Long distance relationships?

Wow, yeah

[Missdeltona07]

Re: Long distance relationships?

Hehe I Do Agree..... Some Longdistance Relationships Dont Quite Work Out. Im Currently In A Long Distance Relationship And In My Mind We R Working Out Great..... And Yeah Of Course I Think Hes The Only Guy In The World For Me, Its Hard Not To Think That About Some1 U Love, Right? In My Eyes I Love Him More Than Anything
We Have Been Together For 1 Year And... 3 Months
Hehe They Do Work Out At Times

[robertsona]

Re: Long distance relationships?

oh my lord

[Arch0wl]

Re: Long distance relationships?

Given that I consistently score a flat 0 on "exploitative", "manipulative" and other variations of "uses people" on every personality test I've taken that measures it and given that even a trace feeling that I may have exploited someone causes a blast of guilt to my conscience I seriously doubt I am secretly a gold-digging freeloader who boards a lifelong relationship to resolve student loan debt.

But even if I was a piece of shit deep down, I have no way of knowing what unconscious factors influence my decision to stay with someone because "unconscious" by very definition prohibits conscious knowledge.

[jaz_pup]

Re: Long distance relationships?

So curious as to how some of these turned out! It's been nearly 3 years, have any of you changed your opinions in that time??

[Mollocephalus]

Re: Long distance relationships?

Wasn't around when this thread was made, basically i agree with what most people said- long distance relationships are worthwhile only if you get to meet each other, see if you are really fit to be together, and then try to move in. Everything else is eventually bound to fail. Computer-only relationships are definitely going to fail. If you're looking for nothing serious, long distance relationships are not for you. If you need constant presence of the other person, unless the long distance thing doesn't last for long, you won't make it.

Source: a lot of anecdotal evidence and first hand experience.

[Xiz]

Re: Long distance relationships?

It works if you both have what it takes. Simple as that.

[Charu]

Re: Long distance relationships?

Xiz, bby, sorry, but... I need to break it up with you. It's not working out.

[JohnRedWolf87]

Re: Long distance relationships?

I'm too much into physical affection for long distance relationships.

[Xiz]

Re: Long distance relationships?

I take back everything I said.