Long distance relationships?

[Sarumon91]

Re: Long distance relationships?

I apologize for just throwing myself into this thread like this, but I've been in a long distance relationship for almost 9 months. And, as someone already said (I forget who), it mainly revolves around trust, but also patience.

Long distance relationships may not work out with people who mainly rely on the physical factor to keep the relationship alive, but people who are understanding, honest, and are willing to put in the effort to keep your relationship alive and prospering will do just fine.

I'm 16, and my girlfriend and I couldn't be happier together despite the fact that we're half-way across the country from each other. Who ever said you had to be an adult to make a long distance relationship work?

[Arch0wl]

Re: Long distance relationships?

I don't even know why I'm posting this.

I do. You get a lot of flak for it, and reassurance from other people will calm your doubts. You've even said that your goal is to prove others wrong about it, so in lieu of being right at least feeling so will do the trick.

One thing you really need to consider is what part of your commitment to the relationship is legitimate and what is a reaction to the criticism you've received.

If you're still in high school, I don't blame you though. You seem pretty smart and it's easy to feel like you're never going to find someone compatible by looking right in front of you when you have a dating pool like that to work with.

[Bill Kaulitz]

Re: Long distance relationships?

I think the long distance relationship is a horrible idea. Sure you maybe be in love with the guy/girl but your cut off from them, so you probably crave some sort of contact. Besides, what if 'the one' was right in your face and flirting with you? Would you really shrug off a hot girl/guy just to be faithful to a person your never going to meet?

[jaz_pup]

Re: Long distance relationships?

I think it's possible. As many people have said, it takes the right two people. I've been in one for the last 4+ years with a distance of about 5300 miles and it's been a dream so far. With me living in California, and him in the UK, it seemed impossible at first, which kinda opened the door to just being fun and chatty, but it turned out we really were meant for each other. Now 4 years and an immigrant visa later, he's moving here this week and we get married in August.
Obviously this might be different because many people on this site are minors and that's a different situation. I think at a younger age you need the personal contact to kinda learn social norms, but then again I was in a few LD relationships at that age.
Anyways, I say go for it, you never know what could happen!

[customstuff]

Re: Long distance relationships?

Would you really shrug off a hot girl/guy just to be faithful to a person your never going to meet?

Uh, yeah. If you're in the relationship then both partners would probably plan on meeting up at some point, so it wouldn't be long distance for your entire life. It's kind of shallow to ditch someone that put that must trust and care into a relationship just for you, and then you ditch them for someone you just met because you can see them in real life. That person you just met doesn't care nearly as much as your current partner and you don't know anything about them anyway. At that point, it seems that the determining factor is your maturity level. If you're really going to just ditch someone who truly loves you for someone you just met just to see someone, then you're probably immature (or at least so horny you can't do anything yourself and end up hurting someone to please yourself). If you actually stay with that person far away, you'll meet up with them some day. When that happens, you'll experience all of the trust, love, caring, etc. that person has for you all at once and they will make you happier than ever before.


Just my thoughts about it... I'm not in a long distance relationship, but I think I love her enough that it wouldn't matter. Although taking her away from me now would make me miss her terribly, there's no way I'd ever cheat on her or dump her for someone else.

[Coolboyrulez0]

Re: Long distance relationships?

Dumped my first girlfriend ever over IM once we engaged into long-distance.
(by that I mean Europe to North America)
In hindsight that was a big ****ing dick move.
Haven't had a relationship since then :<

PS: Whenever I am in Germany, such as now for the Summer, I do visit her and we are on good terms.
No grudges are being held, thankfully, and we joke about the old days.

[justin_ator]

Re: Long distance relationships?

45 Minutes isn't too bad for me =]

It really takes the right people.

[SKG_Scintill]

Re: Long distance relationships?

Long distance coïtus doesn't work

[iironiic]

Re: Long distance relationships?

Long distance relationships could possibly work depending on the situation, but I don't even consider it due to the lack of trust between people online and me. If I were to ever be in one, I'd need to trust this person more than I would with an irl friend which is a leap of faith at my part. Moreover, online people are facing the same issues I am, thus, making online relationships really difficult to maintain. However, it completely depends on the person.

As for long distance relationships, one has to trust the other to keep the relationship strong and "healthy" (lol). Without the trust, you are constantly worried about what the other person is doing which results in an overreaction on the smallest actions, ultimately creating tension in the relationship.

So it all boils down to trust.

[Patricoo]

Re: Long distance relationships?

A vast majority of high school relationships don't work out anyway, long distance or not.

This. That move from high school to college is a relationship murderer.

I had one where we used to be blocks away from each other. Suddenly I go away to college for a year and she becomes a cheating whore. (Can you tell it didn't end well?) I then went for another girl who was finishing up high school and feared the repercussions again in the shift to college. (Met as coworkers when I was home working for the summer.) Now I'm back and trying to get a post-college job. We're nearby once again so hopefully we've weathered the first biggest hurdle into being a long-term couple. Our second year anniversary is in a week.

I've seen evidence of these internet relationships sort of both work and fail. On one hand, I knew a guy who started up an internet relationship and tried to go out of his way to get to a college near the girl. They broke during that major maturity shift and was stuck in a place he no longer wanted to be. On the other hand, I know a girl who had a crush on a guy she met on the internet visited. She visited him in Tennessee. Then after only two days of meeting up they move in together in Florida. They're as happy as can be at the moment somehow. Oh and one more. On monday I'm going to see someone off to the train station as she goes to visit some guy for the first time. She's been e-dating the guy for a few months and met over x-box live. Lets see how that goes!

Personally, I can't and won't do long-distance anymore. Not being able to be physically together every so often is beyond me. Relationships online are easier to maintain initially but tend to struggle more as time endures. The longer you go out, the more your needs to commitment change and those feelings aren't as easily met online.

But hey, whatever. Some of you people have figured out how to do it... so congrats!

[t-rogdor]

Re: Long distance relationships?

I've been in an LDR for about 4 months now
We talk via every form possible as much as possible and talk for a few hours every night
Just met up with her this weekend and she left today
Probably the best few days of my life

The thought that a relationship failed because it was long distance is like saying someone is good at art because they come from an area famous for being artistic. It's not the action that makes the relationship shit itself, it's the people involved.
If you can make it work, good for you. If it doesn't work out, it probably wouldn't have worked out in real life either.

[Dorby]

Re: Long distance relationships?

I personally find it's better to first get to know yourself before any type of relationship.

Having a long-distance relationship (as in meeting online and not face to face) can often manifest feelings quickly. You might find yourself thinking you love someone only a week after talking to them, or feel as if this is the person you have been waiting for. It's VERY important to step out of that dream state and seriously examine your situation with a clear head and a "real" mindset, rather than living in a fantasy world. Keep in mind that you honestly don't know this person, and that it's easier to type anything than actually talk face to face. It's crucial that you plan to meet in a safe environment as soon as possible, so that you can interact and get a better understanding of how the other person communicates, how their personality really is, etc. so that you do not spend time being disillusioned and "creating" their personality for them without even meeting.

I don't understand why people are trying to relay their opinions simply by saying some kind of Internet success story... I see that kind of attitude as if it were a smoker saying he never got lung cancer, so cigarettes aren't harmful. It's a moronic stance to have. Having an Internet relationship, if you can even call it a relationship, has drastic cons for any one pro.

[Arch0wl]

Re: Long distance relationships?

We talk via every form possible as much as possible and talk for a few hours every night
Just met up with her this weekend and she left today
Probably the best few days of my life

This isn't a dig at your relationship, but that anecdote says very little. I mean, no shit you talk all the time when you're (1) new and (2) far away.

A friend of mine, who cheated on her boyfriend (who previously cheated on her) while his dad was dying of cancer with a guy who was also cheating on his girlfriend, talks to the guy all the time via Skype. I'm sure she relies on lines like "BUT WE TALK ALL THE TIME" to legitimize it.

[Crashfan3]

Re: Long distance relationships?

I dated a girl once and five weeks into our relationship, her dad took a job in Arkansas and she moved there with her family. We tried to make it work but it fell apart in two months. Props to you, OP, if you can make it work.

[darkshark]

Re: Long distance relationships?

I've been in 3 long distance relationships, the first two didn't work out in any sense because I didn't really have the means to even attempt to see the person, which is the biggest downfall of a distanced relationship. Your body and mind CRAVE physical interaction. The 3rd one worked out great and lasted a long time because I was able to actually go see her at regular intervals (every 1-2 months). We ended on really good terms and continue to remain best friends. Even to this day I still feel like she's my "soulmate" of sorts, and I'm totally going to marry her one day. Choose your battles wisely, if you feel like you have a definite future with this person, but no means to have a physical connection, then it might be best to call things off until you're at a better spot in life.