The Poetry Thread! (cause we need one =) )

[aznsky]

i woke up
on a corner
with my head down
waiting for a girl..
a girl with no identity
her face filled with passion and adventure suddenly comes up out of nowhere
she picked me up
picked me up away from the darkness i was sitting in
then we ran
holding each others arms
till we came to a beautiful building in a city filled with adventuring
we went inside the building
went to the staircase
unknowingly the staircases walls and stairs were made of glass
we started walking up
looking at the beautiful places we haven't been through the clear glass
since the stairs were clear and the walls it was like we were floting in thin air

then the more we walked up the more the day became night
till it was a full night at the very top
we opened the door
felt as if the wind was comforting us with warm cool breezy air
we sat
we talked
about randomness

nobody was around to bother us
it was like a mount everst in a different point of view
then both slept
till suddenly

I woke up
on the same corner
with my head down
i cried....
realizing it was nothing
nothing but a dream......
i cry and cry till i'm asleep again
_____________________________________________________________

Please tell me your thoughts about my poem =)

[SpookG]

Punctuation is a key component to poetry. I think you should add some of that

[aznsky]

i alwasy thought it was the opposite

[User6773]

No, punctuation is important.

Not to insult you, but anyone can write "poetry" simply by stringing words together that sound emotional and symbolic. The mark of a true poet is the ability to use the language to evoke specific feelings and emotions in the reader through form, meter, careful choice of words, and diction. Even free verse or blank verse still has carefully veiled hidden meanings and enigmas for the reader to discover through clues left by the poet.

What you've written is stream-of-consciousness, not poetry. That's not necessarily a bad thing, there's just something it is and something it isn't.

[jav8ux]

punctuation is soo soo soo soo soo improtant

use it, it can't hure 8)

[alainbryden]

Worst. double post. Ever.

Way to go Chardish. Right on about the poetry. You wear your signature proud.

[SpookG]

I wrote this my senior year of high school, and before reading I want to have it known that the italicized text is denoting another speaker, which is important to understand the piece. If you want, I can try to find some other poems if I still have them.



As I look back on the things I have wrote,
A teacher she commented, "You'll go far!"

...

People have told me things I don't realize,
Creations and fictions that I'll change peoples' lives.
Ideas implanted in my mind, so to say,
I affect others near me in a 'positive' way.

I wish I knew what fabricates these myths,
Visions fortold that I don't think exist,
Qualities and attributes I find myself lacking,
Fluffed up to be great when my posture is slacking.

"You'll go far!" What's that mean?
This sentence is written on things that I've seen...

I got the lecture that some students get,
Those misguided and not doing well yet,
In the form of small sentences on papers I lined,
Motivational offerings that played with my mind.

My own analysis turned up none of their conclusions,
I found only faults and mistakes, and not their delusions.
A simple vocabulary, some intangible thoughts,
Sentences would ramble--not finish--but rot!

"You'll go far!" That is absurd.
A definition of genius that's definitely blurred.

Then I came upon something I wrote in ninth grade,
And sat amazed at the thoughts I conveyed.
This was me?! That cannot be!
This was amazing! What was I thinking?!
I can barely think like that today!

...I am still skeptical,
Chance would allow this.
Can't strike out all the time,
Bound to get a hit--
You can't always miss...

On to other papers I found things once hidden,
A pile grew high of 'literature' I've written.
I sat and I studied and I pondered these things,
Engrossed in a thought only deep reflection can bring.

A version of me I never imagined to be,
Sharing my name, but who is this he?
Appearing for moments on a white paper screen,
Vanishing again like a phantom I dreamed.

But it was real, the truth unsealed,
The encryption of the red letters revealed.
"You'll go far!" Yes I will!
I've gone far and am going farther still!
Forever like light from a radiant star!
I will be with you always, wherever you are.

[alainbryden]

You lose your meter a bit here and there but it's a very good poem. A little cornier in some places than is my taste, but good nonetheless.

[Omeganitros]

*Clap clap clap clap clap clap clap*

Now why did it take a forum noob to realize that we needed a poetry thread? GG aznsky.

[SpookG]

we should make it a damn forum

[Kefit]

Something I wrote about a year ago:

Cider
Sparkling sweetness
Explosive birth unleashed
And I am

Eternal effervescence
Of the glimmering nectar
The same today
As tomorrow
As yesterday
Bubbling into luminance
Bursting into shadow
Again and again
Unique beauties
Draining away
Leaving the world
Scintillating shards
Of what once was

Pop!

And I am not

[Cyborg_Mermaid]

Oh, I am SO gonna whore this thread when I get home. Just you wait...hehe..

[VxDx]

poetry's for fags.

[aznsky]

poetry's for fags.

hmmm really?
Where did you hear THAT from?

[GuidoHunter]

I'm really not a poetry fan, but some of the stuff here's pretty good. Perhaps this should be stickied?

--Guido

http://andy.mikee385.com/