You ever hear something you weren't supposed to?

[knuckles2224]

Re: You ever hear something you're weren't supposed to?

You can write John an anonymous letter.

[MrRubix]

Re: You ever hear something you're weren't supposed to?

As an aside, I think it's horrible when people divulge info like this.

Suzie's "best friends" were likely told (by Suzie herself) not to tell anyone, and they still felt that it was okay to tell *you*, someone completely not involved. Giving uninvolved people information like that puts them in a position of cognitive dissonance where they either feel the need to choose sides or live with the guilt of knowing. Some "friends" she has.

[devonin]

Re: You ever hear something you're weren't supposed to?

Yeah I know things about several of my closer friends that could get them into a great deal of trouble if I told anybody.

You just decide whether or not "the truth" is more important to you than your friendship, and go from there.

[stretchypanda]

Re: You ever hear something you're weren't supposed to?

ITT reasons you shouldn't make horrible sex choices.

[phe0nixblade]

Re: You ever hear something you weren't supposed to?

Man some of you guys are pansies, man up and tell the dude. If he's raising a kid for 15 years before he finds out it's not his he'll feel ****ty as hell, prevent that from happening by telling the dude.

[HoneyMelonCalibrator]

Re: You ever hear something you weren't supposed to?

Man some of you guys are pansies, man up and tell the dude. If he's raising a kid for 15 years before he finds out it's not his he'll feel ****ty as hell, prevent that from happening by telling the dude.

Real men don't gossip. Nor do they snitch.

[MrRubix]

Re: You ever hear something you weren't supposed to?

Man some of you guys are pansies, man up and tell the dude. If he's raising a kid for 15 years before he finds out it's not his he'll feel ****ty as hell, prevent that from happening by telling the dude.

There are potential crappy consequences no matter what East does -- it's very possible that John will find out years down the line. It's also very possible that raising a kid that isn't his will therefore lead to him NOT having an actual kid of his own. But it's also possible that things could turn out very badly for Suzie/the baby/the friendship if he tells John. Either way, it's a crappy situation that doesn't involve East. It involves Suzie. It's not up to East to take direct action when nobody is entirely certain that the result will have a net positive or net negative effect.

It sucks that East is now aware of the situation and therefore has to handle the guilt of knowing, but at least he can talk to Suzie and try to persuade her to make her own decisions from a less selfish perspective. That's the best he can do, and it's what a good friend should do, in my opinion.

[eastsideman09]

Re: You ever hear something you weren't supposed to?

It's not your secret to tell.

If she's a good friend, you can at least tell her you know and encourage her to do the right thing. No matter what you say, if her mind is set, you're unlikely to change it.

I completely disagree with HoneyMelon, no offense. I definitely side with stretchy and Rubix on this. He was first of all confided in as a friend to keep her secret. 100% agree that it is not his secret to tell, and it would involve him into the huge mess that it already is. You can still be friends with someone and not completely agree with their moral reasoning/decisions. Therefore, your job in this situation is to be the best friend you can be to Suzie. It is not a bad idea for you to give her your opinion on the subject matter, but in my opinion, it would be extremely hard for her to change her mind on something like this. Her fear can be completely blinding her to making the logical choice. It is clear that she does have some sense of guilt if she has debated about this issue with all her friends.

I'd tell John.

It was her mistake, and like Rubix stated, it's not fair that she's trying to take the easy way out. Besides, whether you talk now or never, the truth is going to come out and all hell will break loose. Why wait?

You've got a good point, Windscarred. Not to mention I completely misread the story. For some reason I thought that OP was friends with John and not Suzie. If I were in your situation, I wouldn't say anything; not even to Suzie. If this guy is really as douchey as you claim he is, then more power to Suzie.

Man some of you guys are pansies, man up and tell the dude. If he's raising a kid for 15 years before he finds out it's not his he'll feel ****ty as hell, prevent that from happening by telling the dude.

While I think it's totally unfair for such an irresponsible girl to leech and take the easy way out, you do need to consider that telling John directly may result in dire consequences. He may break it off with Suzie and force her to fend for herself and the baby. Without a GED/job/etc, that's pretty bleak -- and not something you potentially want on your conscious, either.

The ideal outcome would be for Suzie to get the blood test and discuss this situation with the real father (if we assume it's not John's), as it's his kid, too. You don't want to get directly involved, but you can try to persuade those already involved to make the right decision as long as it's safe to do so. Situations like these require a certain sensitivity first, and aren't best solved by introducing information bluntly/unexpectedly. Don't tell Suzie what she should or should not do, but rather lay out the facts pertaining to everyone involved.

Ultimately, Suzie may decide that she absolutely doesn't want to get the test and wants to stick with John. Even then, you don't know for sure that not his kid (it was only a two-week hiatus, right?), and it's still best for you to stay out of it. You don't want to cause trouble only to find out that John *is* the father, making you look like a total asshole.

Sometimes it sucks, but you can only do so much safely. While it's tempting to act on all information we have in order to do what we think is right, ultimately, it's not always our decision to make when it comes to the lives of others. Best thing you can do is talk to Suzie and hope that she makes the right choice.

Your friend Suzie sounds like a whore.

All things that I've considered and that have gone through my mind about this situation. I have considered sending an anonymous message as well, but in the group of girls that knew the secret, it would be obvious who managed to divulge the information.

As an aside, I think it's horrible when people divulge info like this.

Suzie's "best friends" were likely told (by Suzie herself) not to tell anyone, and they still felt that it was okay to tell *you*, someone completely not involved. Giving uninvolved people information like that puts them in a position of cognitive dissonance where they either feel the need to choose sides or live with the guilt of knowing. Some "friends" she has.

The thing is, they were discussing her pregnancy after a wedding we were all a part of, and I knew she was pregnant and everything, they just brought up the other two guys she was with and started discussing the time frame. I was kinda just sitting there like wHaAaAaT o_o, they were talking about it almost as if they forgot I was sitting with them and didn't know, after which they told me not to say anything, ESPECIALLY not to Suzie.

SO, talking to Suzie, while it may be one of the better decisions, would get the rest of the girls pissed off at me, as I'm technically not supposed to know anything about it at all. Although,

There are potential crappy consequences no matter what East does -- it's very possible that John will find out years down the line. It's also very possible that raising a kid that isn't his will therefore lead to him NOT having an actual kid of his own. But it's also possible that things could turn out very badly for Suzie/the baby/the friendship if he tells John. Either way, it's a crappy situation that doesn't involve East. It involves Suzie. It's not up to East to take direct action when nobody is entirely certain that the result will have a net positive or net negative effect.

It sucks that East is now aware of the situation and therefore has to handle the guilt of knowing, but at least he can talk to Suzie and try to persuade her to make her own decisions from a less selfish perspective. That's the best he can do, and it's what a good friend should do, in my opinion.

Pretty much exactly how I feel about the situation. However, I'm not exactly sure how to go about talking to her, if I do at all. She's been in bitch mode since the hormones have kicked in with the kid, and she hasn't exactly been receptive to other peoples perspectives and suggestions in the past, if you know what I mean.

Consequences lie everywhere except in not saying anything, in which case, morality and guilt will then plague me. Welcome to life! haha

[PsYcHoZeRoSk8eR]

Re: You ever hear something you weren't supposed to?

As per one of my mottos:

"Secrets are not my concern, keeping them is..."

[stretchypanda]

Re: You ever hear something you weren't supposed to?

Tell her she needs to let him know or you will. He might love the kid even if it isn't his, but he deserves the chance to make that choice. If she traps him in a relationship because of a pregnancy he didn't cause, it will not end well for her.

And then tell her to put her child up for adoption because neither of the people you described seems emotionally ready for a child.

[Rubin0]

Re: You ever hear something you weren't supposed to?

I don't get it. She deserves to be on Springer because she had sex with two different guys while she was single but he's the one that is being portrayed as a victim even though he has cheated on her numerous times? I mean, both of them seem like pretty amoral individuals so let's not keep pushing that double standard.

[MrRubix]

Re: You ever hear something you weren't supposed to?

Again, good reason to not get involved. When it comes to the problems of people that make those kind of decisions, you want to steer clear.

[Xx{Midnight}xX]

Re: You ever hear something you're weren't supposed to?

It's not your secret to tell.

It absolutely is.

The reasoning being that if the child is NOT his he's still on the hook for paying for that kid, even should he leave and the wrong man is out of money because this girl is to bloody ignorantly stupid to take a blood test.

Tell her to tell him or you will. It's not correct morally, but honestly this could wreck or make his life based off if the kid is his. Just you BEST be sure you over heard ALL of it properly.

Edit: Also she cheated on him. Idiot. She asked for this to happen.

[psychoangel691]

Re: You ever hear something you weren't supposed to?

Pretty much exactly how I feel about the situation. However, I'm not exactly sure how to go about talking to her, if I do at all. She's been in bitch mode since the hormones have kicked in with the kid, and she hasn't exactly been receptive to other peoples perspectives and suggestions in the past, if you know what I mean.

Consequences lie everywhere except in not saying anything, in which case, morality and guilt will then plague me. Welcome to life! haha

A lot of women seriously milk the hormones thing. I'm 25 weeks pregnant and while yes I'll get emotional from time to time it's not nearly what people make it out to be. I think it's just a bs excuse people use but anyways.

This is a really tough spot you're in because you heard a secret that you weren't supposed to hear and now it will be on your mind if you do nothing about it. Technically you didn't hear from Suzi herself with her telling you not to say anything. Really her friends were the irresponsible ones for letting it out around other people, plus god only knows how many people they've told. Personally I don't think I'd be able to sit back and just let her act like there's no possibility of it not being his. It's ****ed up that she's even being that way. I mean have you ever seen some of the maury episodes where guys that actually want to be the father or have been acting as a father to a child for a long time find out that the kid isn't theirs? It kills them and it's just not fair because some chick decided to whore it up. I mean 3 guys total in the time of possible conception and all without condom? Because if there's two others that it could be then she must not be using protection which can also bring a possibility of STD's she could pass on to him or her baby.

Really you need to do what you feel is right. You can ask for the advice here but you're going to hear all different things from different people and really what it comes down to is you. Will you be able to live with yourself if you don't say anything? Will you be able to live with the consequences if you do say something? She may very well hate you for it but at the same time you'd kinda be doing the right thing in a sense since she doesn't want to take responsibility. But hey maybe it is his kid and everything will work out okay. Who knows.

Edit: I was thinking about this a little more outside for a few and honestly I'm the type of person that if someone tells me something and they don't want me to say anything I wont. But the problem is the situation, in a situation like this I don't know if I would be able to because this is affecting other peoples lives. This is going to affect his and the baby's because what if he notices the kid looks nothing like him years down the road and demands a test finally to find out it's not his. Not only is it going to hurt him it's going to mess the kid up too.

[Kenyu]

Re: You ever hear something you weren't supposed to?

IMHO I would think that telling John would be the best option to go with. The consequences behind not telling him are far greater. Imagine yourself in those shoes... Possibly finding out when your son is in high school that he isn't your kid. How would that make you feel? The woman will get over it in time and move on, there are plenty of single mothers out there.