Hey guys,
I was in the neighborhood and I thought I'd just share a couple of options with you. As you all know, Satan is that master of all evil that is constantly battling with Allah/God, or Jesus(that's Christ, not your lawn service technician) for your everlasting soul. Well, I just came here today to tell you that's a load of crap. Satan is a good guy. I mean, think about it. He wants your soul, yes, but only because he's investing in the most badass nightclub ever in the afterlife, Hell! Let's stack up all of Satan's inventions and weigh them against God's inventions:
Satan
*Metal
*Porn
*The Internet
*Hot Wings
God
*War
*Disease
*Golden Girls
*7th Heaven(seriously, they need to cancel that **** already)
Clearly Satan is the better choice of the two. But if that isn't enough proof then this will surely get you to change your feeble human worthless..... awesome minds:
Just in case you didn't know, SANTA CLAUS IS ACTUALLY SATAN:
Now now, don't rush out to your local cemetery to try and sacrifice your baby sister to the Dark Lord just yet!
You might ask yourself: Mr. Specforces, is this the truth, do you dare speaketh the truth??!?
Well I'll tell you right now, you goddamn right I do.
You might also ask yourself: How do I sign up to sell my soul to Satan today!?!!
WELL, I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW GOOD PEOPLE OF FFR, IT'S SO EASY!!!
All you need to do is send 50 dollars cash money to this address:
Mr. Corey L. Goor
1821 Spring Ave
Granite City, IL
62040
With this money I will send you your very own Satanic ritual kit, which comes with a tarot deck, celebratory blood wine, and your very own bobble-head Satan. BUT WAIT, if you act now I'll even throw in a few shrunken heads and curse your parents.
DON'T DELAY!!!!
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