I want to be something I am not.

[UberMario]

Gallant.

Seriously, this is all I want. If this is fulfilled, I'd be the happiest man in the world. I want to become mature. Basically a gentleman and very polite to women. From how I've been raised and with the friends I've had, I'm extremely immature and a smart ass. I can have mature discussions, but I have no real street smarts AT ALL. I don't know dinner table manners, I don't know formal manners. I haven't known anything at all, basically. I feel like a fool to come up to such a woman and become her boyfriend.

PLEASE be serious in this thread.

I'd do anything for my ex-girlfriend. I will do anything for her. Don't consider this as a stupid "i want hr bak so badly" thread. I'm going to move in with her. I just... want to be the gallant gentleman I've never been and never sought to be until I met her.

Synopsis: give me suggestions on what to do for her, what to say to her, conversation starters (that aren't boring). We talk on msn and usually just get in a rut for talking. Say polite things that I can do just in general and/or for her.



K, going to bed. I'll check again once I wake up.

[Evascythe]

Re: I want to be something I am not.

You're sixteen.
That's a bit early to be moving in with anyone.

[mmeegghhaann]

Re: I want to be something I am not.

Don't be TOO nice and polite. Saying sorry and stuff all the time gets annoying.

[Tantric]

Re: I want to be something I am not.

Damn bro, 16. AND YOU ARE MOVING IN!!? Personally, I think it's a bad idea. I don't want to give the "You're young" speach...buuut it is kind of young. I used to think the same thing at your age...My dad always told me "catch and release". And it works. Once you get a new girl...the other one is almost non-existant...well atleast for me.

Whats your situation anyways...what did you do, to make her hate you!?

[UberMario]

Re: I want to be something I am not.

Bah, I might as well make my age 3 years older if I want you guys to take me seriously.

I'm not open to talk about what I did or why we're not still going out, but she does wish I would change. I do too. I just really want to be something that I'm not and I'd like it if you guys would just maybe help.

You know the 'alpha male', or... even just someone that would make a girl feel more secure around when walking at night? Yeah, I want to be that guy. So far, I've shown to be very geeky and play EverQuest, FFR, and have terrible social skills. It's not that she wants me to change so bad as that I really want to change myself.

[Tantric]

Re: I want to be something I am not.

If she doesn't like you for who you are, dump her. People shouldn't try to change eachother for their bennefits...it's wrong. Find someone that will accept you for you. It's easy, trust me.

[UberMario]

Re: I want to be something I am not.

I just said that I want to be that way, regardless of what she wants.

[Tantric]

Re: I want to be something I am not.

You can't just magically "change" overnight. Change takes a lot time. I don't want to bash or anything...but, religion has played a huge part in my life. it has litterally changed me the past 3 years. i truely believe i'm a better person because of my faith. I dunno. You just have to tell yourself, ok, I'm not going to do this and this anymore...and just do what you say. change your friends so you're not an ass all the time...i dunno...learn to respect others.

[GuidoHunter]

Re: I want to be something I am not.

Read the book "How to be a Gentleman" by John Bridges. It'll be great for you.

Hell, EVERY guy should read this book.

--Guido

http://andy.mikee385.com

[Darkstalker_X]

Re: I want to be something I am not.

To be honest, to change is something that takes long enough to be irreversible, you've been raised one way, and will keep that way, if not, most of your past will keep inside you, reminding you of how you were, I know your attitude really can be worse as you explain when coming to socializing, but you know, only you can change that and the way you are by own will of thought, if you consider yourself that bad, you by your own should abide by it, simple enough as "I can be bad, then I can be good", it's really up to copying the good example of others.

And your girl... she came up with you because she loves you for the way you are, think a bit, you may ask her how does she feel about you when you think you have done things wrong, then you can point out and correct the flails.

Go on with life, it's a lot to learn.

[Starshot]

Re: I want to be something I am not.

I myself have always been against changing your own views and style of life to simply meet another person's approval. I do know what it feels to be in your shoes though, at this point, you're willing to do anything.

To be honest, dwelling over all this is not going to help.

Do what feels right to you, not someone else.

PS-Since when did chit chat become "Self help center?"

[spyke252]

Re: I want to be something I am not.

wait
You guys aren't reading at all

he wants to do this anyway, not just because of his girlfriend

Since when did chit chat become "Self help center?"

this isn't a "OMG Help me talk to this girl" thread. he looks like he's tried to change, could not, and is asking for help, along with asking for little things that almost every guy should do. Certain people at this site (granted, probably in another forum, but that is probably the worst place to post this stuff) are intelligent and have been through this stuff before.

FFR, at least in my opinion, is a good place to ask questions that I feel insecure about to people who know enough about the subject, if only for the anonymity. For example, I can ask a certain person pretty much any question I want about sex without feeling the dirtiness or pervertedness that comes from asking my parents or teachers or friends, while still knowing that this person is real, and not just some website that some guy thought up. Or if I just want to ask an average question, I can know that someone like Guido will give great advice, I mean, where else would I have found out about that book? It sounds great, gonna look in my library for it. Even questions on history, math, and the english language in general are answered here, if a person decides to look around. It's not like FFR is a bad place to ask for help on virtually any subject.

The only times that this kind of stuff bugs me are if there is more than one thread about it (like the "help me get with this girl" threads), the people haven't even tried to do anything and just believe that they will get the answer to life through posting on FFR (also like the "help me get with this girl" threads), or the OP is so horribly unreadable that I can't read it at all (definitely like the "help me get with this girl" threads).

Finally, on topic. I would suggest reading that book Guido said, doing chivalrous acts, etc. I hear spontaneous acts of affection help too. But I really don't have as much experience in this subject as most respected people of FFR.

[UberMario]

Re: I want to be something I am not.

Thank you Guido and spyke. I'll probably look for it in Chapters or something next time I go into the city.

[Specforces]

Re: I want to be something I am not.

My friend, as young as you are to be coming up with these revelations I applaud you for your newfound insight. Now the real question is this: Can you hold true to these ideas and fight to become something better, or will you just let it all fall to the wayside?

If you do, just remember, you're young. This will all come in time if you let it. But do what Guido says and read that book.

[Verruckter]

Re: I want to be something I am not.

Becoming gallant starts with being polite in general. If you can know, but most of all remember how to be polite to everyone, not just women, then it's very easy to be gallant.