Intimate Bedroom Thought #1:
All the gold diggers that moved out to the west way back all wanted one thing: gold. Several journals have been unearthed stating that when they struck it rich; these miners would "Buy a shovel made of solid gold." I really don't think they knew how easily gold bends, or that a gold shovel wouldn't necessarily help them find more gold. Silly, naive miners.
Intimate Bedroom Thought #2:
One time, I drank so much beer that I began to sweat beer. No, wait, I don't drink beer, I drink bear.
Intimate Bedroom Thought #3:
I think it's time for America to band together for the greater good of getting Adam Corolla off of the television.
Intimate Bedroom Thought #4:
It has to be painful in real life to know someone as witty, charming, and handsome as myself. Physically painful, to the extent that you cry. That is why I don't have very many friends, and they all cry when I'm around.
Intimate Bedroom Thought #5:
A lot of people laughed when I had my hands surgically removed and had disc launchers installed in their place. They weren't laughing after I shot that wall full of discs, scaled the wall and then fired upon the crowd.
Intimate Bedroom Thought #6:
There are times in life when the road in life diverges down many different life paths. When you realize how many times I just used the word "life" in one sentence, you should also realize how good you really have it.
Intimate Bedroom Thought #7:
I ran a mile before I came here. That's a lie... I walked. That's also a lie. I walked to the fridge. And I didn't just do that before I came here... I do that all the time.
Intimate Bedroom Thought #8:
At one point, you have to stop pointing fingers at the killers and start applauding them. Did I say "killers?" I meant, "Kittens." Kittens rarely experience applause, and therefore are more grateful when they receive it.
Intimate Bedroom Thought #9:
I'm a fan of the death penalty, but only the electric chair for one reason: There was a child who was growing up and his greatest wish was to have a job flipping a switch. Go for it, sonny... Your dream job is a reality.
Intimate Bedroom Thought #10:
John Malkovich reminds of Michael Stipes... This isn't good, because John Malkovich doesn't remind me of the front man for REM. He reminds me of a serial murderer.
Intimate Bedroom Thought #11:
If you could have one thing in the world, I bet it would be a stack of quarters that never ran out. Why? Because everyone knows that quarters are the fun money.
Intimate Bedroom Thought #12:
I went to order checks the other day from my bank. The man who helped me reminded me so much of myself that I was really not surprised when I was never billed for the checks and they never came.
Mal
Edit for spelling.
PS: I banged a really hot chick. There? Anyone more happy that this is now about sex?
All the gold diggers that moved out to the west way back all wanted one thing: gold. Several journals have been unearthed stating that when they struck it rich; these miners would "Buy a shovel made of solid gold." I really don't think they knew how easily gold bends, or that a gold shovel wouldn't necessarily help them find more gold. Silly, naive miners.
Intimate Bedroom Thought #2:
One time, I drank so much beer that I began to sweat beer. No, wait, I don't drink beer, I drink bear.
Intimate Bedroom Thought #3:
I think it's time for America to band together for the greater good of getting Adam Corolla off of the television.
Intimate Bedroom Thought #4:
It has to be painful in real life to know someone as witty, charming, and handsome as myself. Physically painful, to the extent that you cry. That is why I don't have very many friends, and they all cry when I'm around.
Intimate Bedroom Thought #5:
A lot of people laughed when I had my hands surgically removed and had disc launchers installed in their place. They weren't laughing after I shot that wall full of discs, scaled the wall and then fired upon the crowd.
Intimate Bedroom Thought #6:
There are times in life when the road in life diverges down many different life paths. When you realize how many times I just used the word "life" in one sentence, you should also realize how good you really have it.
Intimate Bedroom Thought #7:
I ran a mile before I came here. That's a lie... I walked. That's also a lie. I walked to the fridge. And I didn't just do that before I came here... I do that all the time.
Intimate Bedroom Thought #8:
At one point, you have to stop pointing fingers at the killers and start applauding them. Did I say "killers?" I meant, "Kittens." Kittens rarely experience applause, and therefore are more grateful when they receive it.
Intimate Bedroom Thought #9:
I'm a fan of the death penalty, but only the electric chair for one reason: There was a child who was growing up and his greatest wish was to have a job flipping a switch. Go for it, sonny... Your dream job is a reality.
Intimate Bedroom Thought #10:
John Malkovich reminds of Michael Stipes... This isn't good, because John Malkovich doesn't remind me of the front man for REM. He reminds me of a serial murderer.
Intimate Bedroom Thought #11:
If you could have one thing in the world, I bet it would be a stack of quarters that never ran out. Why? Because everyone knows that quarters are the fun money.
Intimate Bedroom Thought #12:
I went to order checks the other day from my bank. The man who helped me reminded me so much of myself that I was really not surprised when I was never billed for the checks and they never came.
Mal
Edit for spelling.
PS: I banged a really hot chick. There? Anyone more happy that this is now about sex?
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