Okay, I saw it last night. It is totally horrible. All my friends and I did while watching it was laugh our asses off at the sheer terribleness of it.
It starts out with no real backstory on any of the characters, bad acting (bad is a bit of an understatement), horrible camera work, and crappy special effects.
And then it gets worse.
They take a boat to go find a blood orchid flower or whatever, but it goes over a waterfall and they get lost in the jungle.
Well, we have the token annoying guy die off first. Not too bad. But, and this is the good part, we do not learn his name until after he is eaten by an anaconda. We do not hear his name at all until this scene, and then the film makers finally deem fit to tell you his name. Incidentally, his name is Ben.
In the next scene, the motley crew, consisting of Annoying Chick A, Annoying Chick B, Token Annoying Black Guy Who You Hope Will Die, Other Black Guy, White Guy, Other White Guy, and Guy Who Just Stands There, mourn the loss of their friend. And by mourn the loss of their friend, I mean yell at each other while acting horribly. Eventually they set off through the jungle in search of a boat to rescue them.
When they find the boat, it explodes.
They decide to go see if a tribe of local headhunters will lend them boats. The headhunters have all been eaten by anacondas, though. Then Other White Guy flips out and kills Other Black Guy and burns the village and steals the boat to go find the blood orchids, because the other people don't want to. Or something.
The other people go throughout the forest, chasing Other White Guy to where the blood orchids are. Token Annoying Black Guy Who You Hope Will Die almost dies twice, but, surprisingly, is not killed off. Guy Who Just Stands There dies, though. Oh, and the anacondas have teeth. Apparently they got bored with crushing their prey to death and decided to evolve a bit.
When they reach the blood orchid place, Other White Guy shoots White Guy and makes Annoying Chick A and Token Annoying Black Guy Who You Hope Will Die go... do something. He makes Annoying Chick B go get some blood orchids for him. The blood orchids are, of course, located on the opposite side of a giant pit of anacondas, which is only able to be traversed by a narrow log. Annoying Chick B throws him some orchids and falls in the pit. Then Other White Guy gets bitten by a spider and dies. Annoying Chick B manages to get out of the pit alive.
After all of this, the anacondas explode for some reason. I dunno why.
Then they get on a raft and start rowing down the river.
The End
Yes, folks, there is no actual conclusion to this movie.
All in all, I'd give Anacondas: Hunt For The Blood Orchid a .5/10.
Don't see it.
Oh, and I don't remember the names of anybody but Ben. Because they screamed his name like 5000 times and then never mentioned him again.
It starts out with no real backstory on any of the characters, bad acting (bad is a bit of an understatement), horrible camera work, and crappy special effects.
And then it gets worse.
They take a boat to go find a blood orchid flower or whatever, but it goes over a waterfall and they get lost in the jungle.
Well, we have the token annoying guy die off first. Not too bad. But, and this is the good part, we do not learn his name until after he is eaten by an anaconda. We do not hear his name at all until this scene, and then the film makers finally deem fit to tell you his name. Incidentally, his name is Ben.
In the next scene, the motley crew, consisting of Annoying Chick A, Annoying Chick B, Token Annoying Black Guy Who You Hope Will Die, Other Black Guy, White Guy, Other White Guy, and Guy Who Just Stands There, mourn the loss of their friend. And by mourn the loss of their friend, I mean yell at each other while acting horribly. Eventually they set off through the jungle in search of a boat to rescue them.
When they find the boat, it explodes.
They decide to go see if a tribe of local headhunters will lend them boats. The headhunters have all been eaten by anacondas, though. Then Other White Guy flips out and kills Other Black Guy and burns the village and steals the boat to go find the blood orchids, because the other people don't want to. Or something.
The other people go throughout the forest, chasing Other White Guy to where the blood orchids are. Token Annoying Black Guy Who You Hope Will Die almost dies twice, but, surprisingly, is not killed off. Guy Who Just Stands There dies, though. Oh, and the anacondas have teeth. Apparently they got bored with crushing their prey to death and decided to evolve a bit.
When they reach the blood orchid place, Other White Guy shoots White Guy and makes Annoying Chick A and Token Annoying Black Guy Who You Hope Will Die go... do something. He makes Annoying Chick B go get some blood orchids for him. The blood orchids are, of course, located on the opposite side of a giant pit of anacondas, which is only able to be traversed by a narrow log. Annoying Chick B throws him some orchids and falls in the pit. Then Other White Guy gets bitten by a spider and dies. Annoying Chick B manages to get out of the pit alive.
After all of this, the anacondas explode for some reason. I dunno why.
Then they get on a raft and start rowing down the river.
The End
Yes, folks, there is no actual conclusion to this movie.
All in all, I'd give Anacondas: Hunt For The Blood Orchid a .5/10.
Don't see it.
Oh, and I don't remember the names of anybody but Ben. Because they screamed his name like 5000 times and then never mentioned him again.
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