Post your best joke

[psxsquall]

k, i will post mine...


Knock, knock

Who's there?

Little boy blue

Little boy blue who?

Michael Jackson

[Mwerp]

hey wut do u get wen u cros a rino + a bumblb33 + 2 cup sug4r + ur mummeh wummeh + nigfux

dis topik!!!!! LOL

[lightdarkness]

Ok, so this guy walks into a bar....


Ouch.

[banditcom]

Two atoms are walking down the street and they run in to each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?"
"No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I'm positive!"




A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."

[Feuergeist]

Where do you go to find stupid jokes?



FFR.

[XXNIGHTWOLFXX]

A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says.
The bartender promptly serves up a beer.
"How much will that be?" asks the neutron.
"For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge"

[jewpinthethird]

Two atoms are walking down the street and they run in to each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?"
"No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I'm positive!"




A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."

Those...are...THE BEST JOKES EVER. I can not compete.

[FishFishRevolution]

EDIT: My last joke sucked, here's a new one.

I was driving down the street one day in a taxi and i saw a woman standing on the corner, one of her breasts was showing, and she didnt seem to notice, so i decided to pull over and tell her her boobs hanging out.
She took one look at the bus passing by and said "SHIT i left my baby on the bus!"

[Chrissi]

I've got one. It's funny. Nobody knows it but me.

Okay, so three guys were at the bar in the CN Tower. They were getting a little too many beers into them, so one of them says to the others, "You know, I know something.. there's this draft coming from the bottom of the CN Tower. I bet you I can jump out the window and the draft will bring me all the way back up here. See?" And before his friends could say anything, he flung himself out the window.

Down he fell as they watched, stories and stories.. but near the bottom, almost as if a draft was pushing him, he started to float back up. He came all the way back up to the same window he jumped out of, and climbed back in.

"OHHH COOL! LET ME TRY!" one friend shouted, and jumped out the window. Down he fell, stories and stories... and went splat on the ground.

"Ahhh that's gotta be a fluke. I mean it worked for you, right? Let me try!" said the other friend, and he jumped out the window. He kept falling until he went splat on the ground.

The remaining guy just sat down and sipped his beer. The bartender had been watching in disgust, and finally came up to him and said, "Boy, you're sure an asshole when you're drunk, Superman."

[Chromer]

A guy walks into a bar and orders the bartender to line up 12 shots of whiskey. The guy downs all the shots and pays the bartender his money. The bartender asks "Why did you want me to line up 12 shots of whiskey?" The Guy goes, " I had my first blowjob today." The bartender shakes the guy's hand and says, "So you're drinking to celebrate your victory?" The Guy goes, "No I'm drinking to get the taste out of my mouth." ^_^

[Spazzbite]

A guy goes into the bar and orders 3 beers, and downs them in a couple of minutes. He orders 3 more and downs them even faster. "Wow, you sure are drinking those fast," said the bartender. The man replied, "If you had what I had, you'd do the same." The bartender leaned over the bar and said, "Oh yeah, what is it that you have?" Holding his hand out, the man said "Fifty cents" and then ran out the door.

[Verruckter]

I like this one.

Late one night a drunk guy is showing some friends around his brand new apartment. The last stop is the bedroom, where a big brass gong sits next to the bed.

"What's that gong for?" the friend asks him.

"It's not a gong," the drunk replies. "It's a talking clock."

"How does it work?"

The guys picks up a hammer, gives the gong an ear-shattering pound, and steps back.

Suddenly, someone on the otherside of the wall screams, "For God's sake, you as*hole...it's 3:30 in the god damn morning!"

[Snapps]

racecar

Spell it backwards. It spells this sort of car.

[Anticrombie0909]

A guy walks into a bar and orders the bartender to line up 12 shots of whiskey. The guy downs all the shots and pays the bartender his money. The bartender asks "Why did you want me to line up 12 shots of whiskey?" The Guy goes, " I had my first blowjob today." The bartender shakes the guy's hand and says, "So you're drinking to celebrate your victory?" The Guy goes, "No I'm drinking to get the taste out of my mouth." ^_^

Ohhh...Ohhhhhh...Ohhhh god...

That one took me a minute...

I've got one. It's funny. Nobody knows it but me.

I'd heard that one before.

K. I have kickass jokes. Here we go.

One muffin says to another muffin in an oven, "Wow it's hot in here." Then the other muffin screams, "Oh my god, a talking muffin!"

I hate that joke. Here's some real ones.

A blonde, brunette, and redhead are astronauts, and they're trying to figure out where they should go next.
"Let's go to the moon. I want to play football," says the Brunette.
"Nah, everyone' already been to the moon. Let's go to mars." Argues the Redhead.
While they're arguing, the Blonde suddenly says, "Hey, you guys are stupid. We should just go to the sun!"

The Brunette and Redhead sit for a minute, nonplussed. Finally, the Redhead says, "A-are, are you serious? You can't go to the sun. It's too hot. You'd burn up and die."

So the Blonde says, "That's why we'd go at night. DUH!"

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A guy walks into a restaurant (don't they all). He sits down at a table, looks at the menu, and gradually finds his line of view being swayed by all the waiters and waitresses, who, for some inexplicable reason, have spoons sticking out of their front pockets. He goes back to his menu.

"Hi!" A cheery voice interrupts his thoughts. A waiter, with a spoon sticking quite clearly out of his front pocket, is standing right in front of him, waiting for his order. The man decides on soup, then, unable to help himself, he asks, "Excuse me, but could you tell me why all of you have spoons in your pockets?"

The waiter looks down, then brightens and says, "Yes, actually, I'm glad you asked. You see, we had this bigwig efficiency consultant come in and try to squeeze more profits out of our restaurant. One of the things she noted was that the spoon is the most commonly dropped utensil. So, if we carry them around in our pocket, we dont have to run back to the kitchen to get the customer a new one if they drop theirs. She said it'll increase productivity by 14%!"

"Wow," the man said. "That sounds like a pretty good idea." And sure enough, while eating his soup, he dropped his spoon, and his waiter was right next to him, ready to give him a new one.

So as he's finishing up desert, he decides to ask the waiter a more pressing question - why all the male waiters have strings trailing from the fly in their pants. The waiter looks embaressed, then lowers his voice to a whisper. "Well, really, we're not supposed to talk about it...company policy, you know. But another thing the efficiency consultant suggested is that the males tie a string onto 'you-know-who', so when we go to the bathroom we don't have to touch it, and we don't have to wash our hands. This increases productivity by 63%, apparently."

The man, a bit disgusted yet intregued, says, "What an odd idea...but, wait, once you're done, how do you get...it...back in your pants?"

Again, the waiter looks embaressed and drops his tone even further, and says, "Well, I don't know about the other waiters, but personally, I use the spoon."

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Jee-sus that was a lot of typing. I'll write down some more later.

[FishFishRevolution]

Bill Gates wanted to look good and impress everyone with his success.  He decided to measure Microsoft accomplishments against General Motors.  His comparison went like this:

"If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades, you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V8, and it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles/hour or you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds and gets a thousand miles to the gallon.  In either case, the sticker price of the new car would be less than $50.00"

In response to all this provoking, General Motors responded "Yes, but would you really want to drive a car that crashes 4 times a day?"

General Motors continued by stating that if Microsoft built cars:

* Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you’d have to restart it.  For some strange reason, you’d just accept this and drive on.
* Occasionally, your car would stop and fail to restart, and you’d have to reinstall the engine.  For some strange reason, you’d just accept this too.
* A particular model year of car wouldn't be available until after that year instead of before it.
* Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you’d have to buy a new car.
* People would get excited about the "new" features in Microsoft cars, forgetting completely that they had been available in other cars for years.
* Everyone would have to switch to Microsoft gas.
* Apple would make a car that was powered by the sun, was twice as fast, twice as easy to drive-but would only run on 5 percent of the road.
* The Macintosh car owners would get expensive Microsoft upgrades to their cars, which would make their cars run much slower.
* The oil, engine, gas and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.
* New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
* The airbag system would ask, "Are you sure?" before going off.
* If you were involved in a crash, you would have no idea what happened.

(I'm plagiarizing - http://www.oleswanson.com/computer-humor.htm)