Please do not flame or troll this thread. If anyone gets offended, I'm really sorry. I already have a hard time talking about this with someone and I typically don't think anyone around me understands truly where I'm coming from. I haven't spoke with my parents with my matter either because I have a strong feeling they are going to be like, "I told ya so."
When I was growing up as a kid, I grew up in a predominantly white school. As time went by, I typically started to see myself attracted to other races other than black people (yes, I am black). In school, it was not common for me to be rejected because of my race. Typically the girls that I went to school with were pretty much against the fact of dating someone of my color. I'm pretty sure that happened because of the traditional mindsets of their parents.
When I got out of high school, things became a bit easier. I had some rocky relationships here and there, but that's life. When I got into the military, I thought I found the love of my dreams. She was awesome and very supportive in everything I did. At the time, I was living in Oklahoma and she was in Texas; therefore, traveling to see her about 3 times a month was difficult (but doable).
In the end of that, I was dumped because her grandparents and mother were super racist. I thought to myself, why would I end a relationship because of what her parents thought? Well, that was because she wasn't necessarily financially independent. They threatened to kick her out of her own home if she did not leave me. What made me even more livid was the fact they decided to wait 2 years to lay down their law. I guess they thought my relationship with here wasn't going to get very far. Even though I did absolutely nothing wrong for them to hate me, they took it upon themselves to go ahead and judge me based off my color. Even though I was super supportive of their daughter/granddaughter and was acting as a potential stepdad, they still hated me just because the color of my skin.
When that was finally done, the girl tried to keep in contact with me. She promised me that there would be someway we would be together like "we were meant to be." My dumb ass trusted her and ended up getting hurt in the end when she finally told me that "I fucked another dude. I'm not sure what I want to do with my life and I need to be alone." I was wrecked and needed counseling because my thoughts were starting to become unpredictable. I had times where I thought killing myself was the only solution to all this. I became super bitter and even found myself almost dying because I drank too much alcohol to try to rid myself of the pain. I was a serious wreck, but I couldn't tell anyone because I was too ashamed of myself.
After that, I lost my job in the Air Force. Sequestration happened and I was not happy. At first I thought I was going to be even more upset about it; but in the end, I realized that I would be able to go back to school and not have to take orders from superiors anymore.
There was about a 7-8 month span where I was able to finally be happy with myself. I was comfortable with my own skin and I even told myself that I was NOT going to be dating girls until I find someone who I can really connect with. After my 2nd month of school, I met another girl (who is white) that I'm with right now. We have a blast with each other and we see a lot of things eye to eye on lots of things. I don't know if I'm necessarily in love with her, but I'm starting to feel exactly what I did with my old girlfriend I dated 9 months ago.
A month passes and the girl I'm with finally told her dad. He was outraged and told her that this is unacceptable. Even though it is not typically the same situation, it's really starting to bug me again. I don't want to lose her, but at the same time I don't want to go through exactly what I went through before.
EDIT: I've tried dating black girls to please my own parents; however, 90% of the time, they do not work out because of some conflict in our personalities. I'm not saying it's impossible for to date within my race, but I feel like my choice should not be limited.
Basically, every single time I end up dating someone that is not my own race, I get judged heavily by the color of my skin. I don't wear baggy clothes, do drugs (except drink), and fit the stereotype. I'm financially stable and can provide just like any other man would; but how come I always have to be so fucking judged? I feel like I'm no different than the people I'm surrounded by. I have goals and dreams I want to pursue as well. The more and more I think about it, the more capable I may start to have irrational thoughts. I've been through this type of depression before and I don't want to experience it again. I can't change what I'm attracted to, but I feel like it hurts me. I need some serious help and I feel like a counselor,friends, or loved ones can't even help me. Not once in the 24 years I lived did I think being black was going to affect my relationships. It's moments like these I almost wish I didn't even exist. Nobody deserves to put up with this kind of shit.
When I was growing up as a kid, I grew up in a predominantly white school. As time went by, I typically started to see myself attracted to other races other than black people (yes, I am black). In school, it was not common for me to be rejected because of my race. Typically the girls that I went to school with were pretty much against the fact of dating someone of my color. I'm pretty sure that happened because of the traditional mindsets of their parents.
When I got out of high school, things became a bit easier. I had some rocky relationships here and there, but that's life. When I got into the military, I thought I found the love of my dreams. She was awesome and very supportive in everything I did. At the time, I was living in Oklahoma and she was in Texas; therefore, traveling to see her about 3 times a month was difficult (but doable).
In the end of that, I was dumped because her grandparents and mother were super racist. I thought to myself, why would I end a relationship because of what her parents thought? Well, that was because she wasn't necessarily financially independent. They threatened to kick her out of her own home if she did not leave me. What made me even more livid was the fact they decided to wait 2 years to lay down their law. I guess they thought my relationship with here wasn't going to get very far. Even though I did absolutely nothing wrong for them to hate me, they took it upon themselves to go ahead and judge me based off my color. Even though I was super supportive of their daughter/granddaughter and was acting as a potential stepdad, they still hated me just because the color of my skin.
When that was finally done, the girl tried to keep in contact with me. She promised me that there would be someway we would be together like "we were meant to be." My dumb ass trusted her and ended up getting hurt in the end when she finally told me that "I fucked another dude. I'm not sure what I want to do with my life and I need to be alone." I was wrecked and needed counseling because my thoughts were starting to become unpredictable. I had times where I thought killing myself was the only solution to all this. I became super bitter and even found myself almost dying because I drank too much alcohol to try to rid myself of the pain. I was a serious wreck, but I couldn't tell anyone because I was too ashamed of myself.
After that, I lost my job in the Air Force. Sequestration happened and I was not happy. At first I thought I was going to be even more upset about it; but in the end, I realized that I would be able to go back to school and not have to take orders from superiors anymore.
There was about a 7-8 month span where I was able to finally be happy with myself. I was comfortable with my own skin and I even told myself that I was NOT going to be dating girls until I find someone who I can really connect with. After my 2nd month of school, I met another girl (who is white) that I'm with right now. We have a blast with each other and we see a lot of things eye to eye on lots of things. I don't know if I'm necessarily in love with her, but I'm starting to feel exactly what I did with my old girlfriend I dated 9 months ago.
A month passes and the girl I'm with finally told her dad. He was outraged and told her that this is unacceptable. Even though it is not typically the same situation, it's really starting to bug me again. I don't want to lose her, but at the same time I don't want to go through exactly what I went through before.
EDIT: I've tried dating black girls to please my own parents; however, 90% of the time, they do not work out because of some conflict in our personalities. I'm not saying it's impossible for to date within my race, but I feel like my choice should not be limited.
Basically, every single time I end up dating someone that is not my own race, I get judged heavily by the color of my skin. I don't wear baggy clothes, do drugs (except drink), and fit the stereotype. I'm financially stable and can provide just like any other man would; but how come I always have to be so fucking judged? I feel like I'm no different than the people I'm surrounded by. I have goals and dreams I want to pursue as well. The more and more I think about it, the more capable I may start to have irrational thoughts. I've been through this type of depression before and I don't want to experience it again. I can't change what I'm attracted to, but I feel like it hurts me. I need some serious help and I feel like a counselor,friends, or loved ones can't even help me. Not once in the 24 years I lived did I think being black was going to affect my relationships. It's moments like these I almost wish I didn't even exist. Nobody deserves to put up with this kind of shit.
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